Chapter 1

The chapter where we are introduced to the characters.

"Scene 1, take 15...action I guess," The red haired director clapped her hands, the wind blew as the brown haired teen glared at his opponent. The red eyed demon girl in a black and white gothic dress, the beautiful blonde tied to a tree as his eyes narrowed.

"I shall stop yo-"

"Too low, put more emotion into it,"

A moment of silence as he coughed.

"I shall stop you with all my..."

"Jeff please..." That was the only thing the director said as Jeff's eye twitched as he held his hoodie. Dirt was starting to get into his eyes from how windy it was.

"I shall sto-"

"Ugh, think of something sad, think of your life Jeff, that is pretty sad,"

There was a moment of silence as Jeff looked at the director, the 'demon' girl snickered.

He had the job of playing the relatable main character, the perfect mixture of blandness and morals that would instantly get people to like the role when he asked the director why she picked him for that role specifically. She made it a point to say that there wasn't anyone better for the role of bland central character but him.

The red head rolled her eyes as she clapped her hands. "Alright, cut!"

Jeff sighed as he looked towards the black haired cameraman who had a frown on his face, he adjusted his glasses ever so slightly before Jeff spoke to him. "Um, Dave I don't know how I feel about this script,"

"Don't be stupid; my writing is fine! Don't blame me if you can't act," Dave chuckled as Jeff scratched the back of his head.

"Well it's just, I don't see how the audience can actually sympathize with a character that burned down an orphanage while defeating everyone in a single attack, plus why do I have to wear a hoodie?"

Dave bit his lip and tapped his foot. "Listen, the orphanage scene is supposed to show the conflict between the viewer and the character, when he says 'who are they going to tell, their parents?' You as the viewer is supposed to feel weird. Him beating everyone in a single attack is meant to show how amazing he is!"

Dave placed his hands on his hips and puffed up his chest as the blonde still tied to the tree spoke.

"Actually, like, I have some problems with the script and junk too, I really don't think anyone being held captive would say 'take off my clothes...if you can,' it's just like weird for her to say that,"

"Damn it, Sasha, you're there to look cute, don't think too hard about it!" Dave's eye twitched as the red eyed girl slowly removed her contacts and rubbed her eyes. She sighed as she blinked for a moment as she put her hair up into two large ponytails.

"Perhaps the movie would be better, if we gave Jeff no lines, remove all scenes when he is on screen and don't credit him at all," the black haired girl didn't know why, but she got a particular joy at seeing Jeff suffer.

"Oh come on Sheena, I said I was sorry for throwing up in your shoes and not telling you..."

"No, no, that's not something you can just say sorry for," Sheena glared at Jeff as the red-haired director coughed.

"This is going nowhere; I'm going to get something to eat, and you're going to rewrite the script, Dave,"

"Aw, what? Come on Harper, don't listen to them,"

Harper slowly picked up the camera as she sighed. She then pulled out a large, nearly 500-page script as she randomly flipped through the pages almost randomly as Harper stopped on a random page. "Dave...may I ask, why are 80 pages of the script spent on a DINNER SCENE?!"

Dave remained silent as he smirked, "that scene is perfect! Amazing ev-"

"Are you fucking retarded?!"

"...I know my stuff is pretty progressive,"

"Listen to me dumb-ass, either you write a new script, or I cut out your eyes and shove all 500 pages into your brain!" Harper stormed off in a huff as Dave staggered after her, still trying to convince her that his script was perfectly fine. This, of course, left the other 3 in the middle of the park looking like idiots. Jeff sighed as he untied Sasha from the tree.

"Um so, do you guys want to get something to eat?"

"Kill yourself..." Sheena whipped her hair as she walked away as Jeff turned to face Sasha and snapped his fingers.

"So, do you want to get anything?"

Sasha looked at Jeff for a moment before she held her stomach and started to laugh. Tears starting to fall out of her eyes as she began gasping for air, she didn't even bother responding to question as she only waved her hands in the air and walked away. Not even bothering to spare a second glance at Jeff, less she fainted from laughter.

Jeff sighed as he slumped his shoulders, "great, now I have to walk home wearing a hoodie in the middle of summer," it was some sick joke Jeff dragged his body out of the park and onto the sidewalk. Despite being 17 he didn't have a car, as he grumbled. He was just glad that he lived in a small town in the middle of nowhere.

Nothing to do or nothing today, he was raised there, and he was probably going to die there. It wasn't even anything to get angry about, but rather it put things in perspective.

"Why the fuck did I even agree to this?" it seemed like an entirely silly thing to do, to waste their entire summer trying to film a movie, or a video series or whatever the hell they were doing considering Dave kept changing the goals day to day.

It seemed like a lot of stress for something they probably weren't even going to be paid for and just throwing it up there to be judged and mostly ignored by everyone. It was like being famous, but instead of being on television people just ignored your cries for help.

Jeff sighed as he dragged himself towards the convenience store. The door automatically opened for him as he pulled himself into the cold air-conditioned store. He was just happy that he knew the clerk that worked there.

"Jesus Jeff, did you get run over by a car or something?" The woman behind the counter smiled, she was obviously in her late twenties wearing an apron with the stores logo plastered all over it. She had long brown hair tied into a giant bun as she smiled.

"Hey Florida," Jeff sighed as he leaned up against the counter. He was just happy that it was a slow day, and he had a place where he could vent his non-existent frustration.

"Rough day huh? Still making that movie with your friends?"

Jeff grumbled, "Yeah, but it's not going well at all. Dave's script was really weak, and I think everyone else secretly hates me. Well except Sheena, who just hates, hates me, and I feel like they look down on me...I mean I can't blame them considering the comparison,"

Florida gave a large sigh as she leaned on the counter, "reminds me when I was in an online writing group. I was trying so hard to impress my seniors, so hard...but they didn't like anything, and then they stopped reading everything I wrote. Then that tacky as FUCK Cathey got everyone's views as they continued to ignore my work! I never could appease them! No matter how hard I tried!"

"Um, Florida..." Jeff frowned as much as he loved to hear about Florida's pointless online writing endeavors he was pretty sure it wasn't the time for them.

Florida quickly shook her head and gave a girlish giggle.

"Sorry, this is about you, listen I've got one piece of advice for you,"

"Stop comparing myself to others right?" Jeff quickly said as Florida merely chuckled.

"Fuck no, compare yourself to others even more! Find someone even lower on the human food chain and dig into them, break them down to build yourself back up!"

Jeff frowned for a moment; he was starting to wonder why he asked Florida for advice. "That doesn't sound morally right,

"Screw morals! Morals don't help you sleep at night, and morals don't hold back the tears..."

Jeff just stared at the woman for a moment; it seemed that she needed someone to talk to more than he did as he felt a slight rumble in his pocket. He was getting a text as he casually flipped open his phone. Florida held back a laugh at the sight of a teenager still having a flip-phone.

"Huh, Dave wants me to meet him at his house,"

Author note

First real attempt at a 100% pure comedy, very experiential, though I doubt anyone is going to read it. This probably should also go in the humor section but eh.