what i'm supposed to do when it starts getting bad:
1. check in with myself. am i thirsty? when did i last eat? when did i last sleep?
2. count my breaths, in & out, in search of stability.
3. list things i can sense around me: the clothes on my skin, my shoes on the floor, the sound of my cat beside me.
4. call someone. interact with people outside of my own head. remind myself that i survived & things are different now.
but lately i've been collapsing on the couch and just staying there,
i've been buying too much liquor and too many cigarettes,
i've been living off coffee and microwave popcorn.
my thoughts are dangerous, but i cling to them,
find familiarity in chaos.d
i just -
i can't talk about it i can't talk about it
please i can't i can't i can't
but i'm living in it i'm surrounded by it
i have become the thing that ruined me
and it feels like home these days
dead girls don't remember anything, you know?
and that's more comforting than i care to admit.