1Selene is very new to this word.
How she found out about this word isn't because of her parents or from her friends. She's never heard of this strange word before. After all, she's young- only in sixth grade.
That's why, when Jason says that 'swag' stands for 'secretly we are that word' and laughs, Selene decides to look it up, as any curious person would do.
She stares at the screen, trying to figure out what the definition means for this.
gay- /gā/
adjective
'(of a person, especially a man) homosexual.'
Selene clicks on the 'homosexual' word. She doesn't know what this is- no one has ever mentioned it to her and anyways, she doesn't have a very big vocabulary.
'(of a person) sexually attracted to people of one's own sex.)'
Boys… liking boys? And girls liking girls? Selene shakes her head slightly side to side. No, that wasn't right. Boys weren't supposed to like boys, were they? Aren't boys only allowed to be friends with each other? And girls definitely shouldn't be kissing or holding hands with each other! Selene's mother and father had always taught her about being in relationships with boys. A girl and a boy, they said, were supposed to kiss and get married.
They had never said anything about two girls or two boys, though, so Selene decides to ask them tonight.
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Selena's parents look at each other in horror. "Wherever did she learn that vile thing from?" whispers her mother.
She has just asked about 'gay.' Her parents seem to think that this is a forbidden word not to be said at any time. The way her father repeated the word after she had said it- he had spit it out, hatred burning his eyes. Selene silently shivers when she recalls this. Maybe she should have never bought it up.
"Selene." Her mother looks at her in the eye, her hands on the tiny girl's shoulders. "Those people who like the same gender are sinners. They're all going to hell. We're lucky that we like our own gender, we can go to Heaven. Those people disobey God and they're horrible. Don't ever speak to one of them or even touch one. Who knows what will happen if you do?"
Frightened, Selene nods. She returns to her room so she can finish reading her book, not stopping to discuss the issue further.
But she can't help but wonder why the concept seems so beautiful to her.
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The second time Selene hears the now forbidden word in her household is in seventh grade, through rumors. She's thirteen now, a teenager and eager to fit in.
She's sitting at her cafeteria table with girls- some she knows, and some are new faces. They're talking about the usual- I heard Catie was kissing Fred earlier, ooooh did you hear that Savannah got a D in her World History exam, and omg Sydni has a new boyfriend! And in the middle of it, Selene hears the word that is one she keeps in the back of her head always.
She jerks up and tunes into the conversation.
"Oh, why didn't I realize that Kathy was gay? I mean, she acts just like a boy and is always so happy and cheery! She's definitely a lesbian, through and through."
When the name Kathy is mentioned, Selene looks over to a separate table in the corner, where the girl in question sits. Kathy is kind of a loner, honestly, but she's always smiling and is also on the boys' soccer team. Selene wouldn't have guessed that she liked girls, but according to the girls at the table, it's obvious.
And just for a moment, Selene finds herself looking at the girl's chest and wondering when she had grown up so fast.
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In eighth grade, the word is constantly used.
It's mostly by immature boys making rude jokes out of it, and laughing at it. Selene doesn't find it anything to laugh about. What if someone made fun of them for being attracted to girls?
Kathy is teased that year. The rumor that went around is confirmed- not that Kathy told, it seemed as if Kathy was never planning to tell anyone. She's pushed around and her smile is never there anymore- just a look of sadness.
Selene wishes that she could help Kathy and defend her, but she's more scared that the boys will brand her as gay, too. Her parents would hear about it, and Selene would be yelled at for defending a- in her mother's words-sinner. Selene doesn't want that happening any time soon, since she strives to keep her family proud of her and happy.
So she just sits, and turns away when Kathy is being hurt, since she can't stand to see her pain.
Eighth grade is also a year where she finds new friends. They don't gossip, and they're nice and fun- not to mention being easy to talk to. Selene finds herself telling them about her parents, who are immediately branded as 'homophobic' by them, and her views on gay people. To her surprise, Selene's new friends are agreeing with her and supporting her thoughts.
Eight grade is the year that Selene learns about all different sexualities- bisexual, pansexual, asexual, and so many more. She's open to a world of possibilities and thoughts, and much of her time is spent researching about these labels.
She remembers to delete her search history, luckily, because her parents would be very mad at her for finding out about these things.
Eighth grade is the year that she finds herself sighing at her lack of interest in boys. Her mom offers to set her up with a nice church boy, and begs her to get a boyfriend. But Selene doesn't understand what is so attractive about boys anyways- they're just show offs and rude jerks with big egos. Selene scoffs and turns away when the boys take off their shirts for swimming, while the other girls swoon over the 'rippling muscles'. She rolls her eyes when they make shots in basketball, while the other girls are starry eyed and admiring.
And through it all, Kathy sits in the corner with bruises and so much pain screaming out inside of her.
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I hope you enjoyed this first chapter! Thanks for reading!
-MysteryGirl450 xx