Kicking At the Dust
There is not much that you don't know about me. You know of every hidden part. You know of every tiny secret. But you know because I have let you in. I have shown you every piece with an open mind and trembling heart.
I feared letting anyone in, it would allow them too close to the things that I held so tight, so dear. But when I met you, I knew that you would step no further than the boundaries that I had put in place. And so, with time, you snuck closer to my heart. You gently eased back my defenses and made your way deep inside before I had even realized that I had let down my walls and you had gotten in.
I now cannot imagine what it is like to be without you.
We have been through so much.
There are so many memories to draw from.
I can remember the time that we sat beside a campfire in my yard, both of us wrapped in blankets and laughing about random things. And then me snorting in laughter as an ember flew from the fire to burn a hole in your blanket and you madly slapping and brushing at it to get it off of your lap.
I smile as I remember us digging through our music libraries and comparing songs. I cannot forget staying up half the night listening to an eclectic array of music and looking for new tunes to enjoy.
Of course, I will always cherish the memory of the time that we went hiking and got caught in a rainstorm as we biked home. I can still feel the water sloshing around in my shoes and see the lightning as it flashed purple over our heads. Never had I been so glad to see my mom coming to get us in my tiny little car. We barely fit the bikes in the trunk, but at least it was a short drive home.
It is easy to fall back into those memories; because, in them, I can feel every one of your hugs.
I can see every one of your smiles.
And I can hear every moment of your laughter.
You fill in that odd gap that everyone eventually finds in their life.
I often find myself wandering through my own mind and kicking at the dust that has settled so that I might find another memory of you. I do not want to lose a single one.
Like the time that we sat out under the stars all night and talked about anything and everything. We talked as the dew settled around us and the sun began to brighten the eastern horizon.
Or the time that you introduced me to a new card game and we stayed up late into the night playing it over and over. I was pretty sure that we were going to get yelled at for being so loud.
Then, when we sat on the floor of your room and drew pictures of wolves because it sounded like fun. I still have the picture that I drew that night.
So many memories.
Walking through hiking trails in the middle of a blizzard.
Roller blading to a skate park at four in the morning to play on the skating ramps and take pictures after not sleeping the night before.
I do not want to forget.
I do not want to let any of them fade with time.
Because I feel as though losing one of those memories is losing a piece of you.
And so, each time I find a new one, I wrap it up tight and tuck it into a safe place next to my heart. Because that is where you are and that is where you belong.