When my Dad died, we didn't give him a funeral. We had him cremated and we cried a ton for him. His urn stayed at home, just as mom wanted. She kept saying he has to be home.
All the while when we were experiencing grief, people around us were very much vocal about their opinions. I can't blame them. They were hurt.
Dad's relatives particularly, wouldn't understand why we didn't want to give him a traditional funeral. His siblings came from abroad and they organized a mourning day for dad, and then told us to come. We didn't stop them, but we didn't come.
Weeks after Dad died, we left our home to help us move on and to start a new life. We heard that the the grass in our old house were growing tall and so we had a trimmer sent. Later, we got a report that the trimmer no longer wants to go back because a relative scared him away.
After a while, social media was filled with pictures from their vacation. We didn't even know they were planning a vacation. Looking back, this is nice. They must have needed it.
A few weeks more, they visited us in groups. Mom talked about her plan to sell our old home. We offered them the opportunity to buy it. Some of them expressed interest but they didn't pursue it in the end. Some said that mom didn't have the right to sell it and that the decision should be upon us – the kids. At first we didn't understand how it was so, because mom was our legal guardian and dad's wife. We later learned it was because of the way the documents were handled, a work of one of them with whom Dad entrusted the job years ago.
I've never truly felt what hatred is, nor did I feel so much pain or anger. But this incidents opened my eyes to how disappointing the world can be. I've experienced how the family you know by name can simply be the ones to hurt you the most. I've seen how adults can act so shameless and demand respect as if they've done nothing wrong.
For the first time in my life, I have no word to describe what I think of them. I couldn't be blamed if I wanted to stay away and blocked every one of them from social media. I wanted escape and nothing to do with them. I couldn't understand how the people who I thought cared for my dad could have done so much bad things to us, especially at the time when we were most hurt.
I want to say that I want to see them hurting, but this is wrong. And wrong, no matter how hurt I was, is still wrong. In all these, God had been so kind to help us move on and learn to be happy again. And while I feel sorry to my cousins who had no fault, it's difficult for me to reach out simply because I wanted nothing to do with the adults around them. And honestly, I feel the need to protect my family from them.
My wish as of this moment is that those who did wrong feel sorry and understand what they did wrong. I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that no other innocent kid get to experience the same things that I went through. Truth is, if not for all that happened, then I wouldn't have been as strong. Had I not gone through all of them, I wouldn't have learned the difference between real and fake friends and family. But now I know. All is well that ends well, or for the better words, I'll give you Romans 8:28. "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Believe this. I can tell you how true it is. God does not abandon anyone who trusts Him. He'll lift you up, no matter how bad or how deep you fall. Hope is never lost for you because you have a great God!
I have no intention of having this read by those who have actually hurt us. But if you are one of them, then here's what I have to say. Read it if you must. Ignore it if you can't take it.
To those who expressed their judgments on social media: You have my pity. You who do not understand and judged, I pity the kind of person that you are. And if you still cannot understand, then let me just ask a few questions. When was the last time you talked to my dad? When was the last time you asked how he was doing? What were you doing when he was hurting? How much do you know him? And lastly, what right do you have to judge if you didn't even cry for him?
To those who hated us for not going to the mourning day: Thank you for mourning for my dad. And while we share different opinions on how to mourn, I sincerely thank you if you cried sincerely for him. I know that he is truly one of a kind, a person who always makes me smile when I think of him. And while he had done some bad things, I can always tell you the great things he's done and how sweet and great of a father he is to me.
And about you hating us, truth is I don't need you to understand us. But if you're curious why I don't care then I'll explain. Dad wasn't the kind of person who likes attention. He hated people talking about him, especially because he didn't trust people. He was the kind of person who likes his privacy and the kind who was very vocal in his thoughts and dislike on people faking around him and other people. And no, I'm not saying you're fake. But if you're hurt by these words, then I guess we both know why that is so.
What I truly want to say to you is, you cried that day. You felt so heavy on that day. You who weren't beside him in his last years or months or weeks or days were hurt. How much more do you think we cried? How much heavier do you think we felt? I just can't understand how much selfish you have to be to hate someone who lost a Dad or a husband.
To those who know someone who mourns, please let this confession be a lesson.
Do not judge a family for the way they mourn.
You have the right to express your thoughts. I'll give you that. But what kind of person do you think you are to hurt a widow and her children who were already on their saddest moments because of the father's death? Do you have children? If this were done to them, what would you have felt?
While a person is alive, don't hesitate to be kind. This is the time to get to know the person. It truly is amazing how some people think they know a person when they've spent very minimal interactions with him/her, especially when they weren't even there for him/her during his/her last years or months or weeks or days.
How can you say you love a person, when you do not even show any bit of care to the people that person loved the most in the world?
What I ask of you, is PLEASE, do not even think of doing this again to anyone. Do not make yourself so hateful and make it so hard for the REAL family the dead left behind to forgive you. Do not do to others what you don't want them to do to you.
A/N: Thank you for reading.