A grown man who identified himself as a doctor was forcibly removed from a United Airlines plane when he refused to give up his seat for a United Airline employee on a sold-out flight.
ANOTHER unexpected consequence of ObamaCare.
Sadly, Kendall Jenner was nowhere around to defuse the explosive situation with a can of Pepsi, as she was too busy using the carbonated beverage to bring peace to the Middle East.
"I saw the video," commented the volatile Kim Jong-Un, "and it disgusted even me!"
"I'd like to remind the flying public that at United Airlines our prices are unbeatable," said Airline CEO Oscar Munoz, "but our customers... not so much. That is why our new motto is: 'At United Airlines, We Put The HOSPITAL In Hospitality.' And, rest assured, I will personally visit that airport in Chicago, as soon as Donald Trump lets me through that darn wall."
When asked to comment on the $900 million drop in United Airlines stock, the business-savvy CEO said, "We needed the tax break," and then considerately advised future United passengers to file their taxes "...OR ELSE!"
In an exclusive USA Today interview, Tiger Woods talked about the lessons he learned from his parents.
Apparently, "Don't Cheat On a Your Wife" wasn't one of them.
In breaking news...
Sorry, my Jewish friends, but the prophet Elijah won't be sitting in the empty chair you've saved for him this Passover. He was forcibly removed from his United Airlines flight and now refuses to fly anywhere this holiday season.
In a show of support, the Easter Bunny canceled Easter.
"I say if you buy a ticket, you bought a seat on the flight. Besides," the furry holiday icon pointed out, "what does hiding colored eggs have to do with the Resurrection anyway?"
I don't know about all that, but I will tell you this: the next time my kids don't want to get out of bed to go to school, I'm calling United Airlines.
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"You'll Be Treated Like A King... Rodney King!"