The Top Ten Things Your Woman Secretly Wants You To Do During Sex

10) Lose weight.

9) Pretend you're someone else. Preferably, a man.

8) Tell her, "I love you," "You're beautiful," "Here's my PIN number."

7) Touch her right there. No, I mean right there. More to the left, you idiot! Forget it, she just wants to go home now.

6) Last longer. No, that's too long. Does she have to tell you everything?

5) Cry. Don't worry, she won't think less of you. All of her friends will, though.

4) Tell her your deepest, darkest secrets, so she can use them against you later.

3) Stop calling her "mommy."

2) The dishes.

1) Leave.