Authors note: I am so sorry I haven't been writing or uploading as often. I just finished all my exams and my summer holiday now truly begins. I literally had no idea how to continue this and I felt like I had to get something out so I made this awful chapter. Sorry if it didn't live up your expectations. Nevertheless, enjoy!

P.S My grammar isn't all that good so please bear with it!

I usually sleep at around two in the morning because I tend to be most productive with my writing at this time. Nida sleeps at around nine since she has school the next day and Muhammad, well, he sleeps whenever he wants to really.

It was currently 3 in the morning and I still couldn't sleep. After I had written my ideas and general plot of my next book, I called my editor and just kept him updated with the situation. Nida was just playing with Mumu the whole time because she really has nothing to do. For a girl of 5 years old, she was awfully secluded.

She didn't play with dolls or houses and all nor did she take an interest in dressing up. She spend the whole day either trying to get ahead of her school work or take care of Mumu. I wonder, playing with her hair as she slept, why she has to have the same dark personality I had when I was a child.

After Diana left, I never let Nida sleep in her own room. Mumu is a baby and always slept with us so he had no issue, except the occasional need for her mothers' warmth. Nida was reluctant to sleep with me as she thought that she would be some sort of nuisance but I forced her to be with me. No way in hell am I going to leave my child alone at times like this.

On weekends, Nida and I sleep together after we watch a movie while eating some ordered food that she likes. Mumu lies between us while we just talk about how the week went and what we plan to achieve the following week. Both Nida and I have a trait where we tend to achiever a certain amount of goals and plan accordingly. When mumu just falls asleep, Nida and I turn our back to each other naturally.

I wonder Nida, whether you tend to worry about what your father's feeling just the same way I worry about you?

I know Nida when you turn your back to me, you are always crying, desperately trying to muffle your tears. Because I do the same baby...

It's funny Nida, how similar you are to me. Never did we once try to comfort each other when hears the other crying. And we want to. Oh God we so much need to. Everytime I hear you crying, I just want to put you desperately in my arms. But how could I? Tell me how could I?

I'm the person who drove your mother away. I lost my wife and you lost your mother . And I was the cause of it. I begged and begged for her to come back, but how could I beg when I screwed her over in the first place? And my little girl, you were the victim to all of this.

I know darling, that you used to open your bedroom door by a tiny bit everyday to listen what mommy and daddy were arguing about. I know sweetheart you used to talk to mumu, telling him that everything will be alright while the latter doesn't even comprehend what's happening. I know sweetie how you hid under the blankets sometimes trying to block the world away and mommy and daddy to just be happy together. Trust me, I know, I have faced it as well. I caress my girls hair as I lean a bit forwards to kiss her head, making sure not to disturb Muhammad in the middle.

"Darling, I know what it is like to face this. I also had such rough childhood and look how it has affected our family. I can't even say sorry .. i really can't. I still do not know how you are not blaming your father for this. I ruined yours Mumlifecompletely. Eventually you will grow up and you will forget everything you have done with mother, the moments we shared as a family, they will be all be forgotten. And I am the one to blame for this..." I whispered slowly as my eyes started to tear up.

Nida started to stir slowly in her sleep as she suddenly held my hand. I looked at her through my blurry eyes, hoping she wouldn't wake up to my pitiful sight.

"Mommy.. When are you coming back.. We need to go to amusement park.."She groaned in her sleep as she turned to the other side, facing away from me.

This girl..she has high hopes up even after all that's been happening.. She isn't scared to hope, she still wishes her mother to come back..she is just like me..

But I don't want her to be like me.

I had too much hope and faith. Look where it has brought to me. Look what I have done to myself and the people I love.

I look at my daughter one more time before proceeding to sleep.

Give up the hope of her coming back Nida.

Kill that spark.