A/N: I'll admit that Jared is a lot more fun to write about than Michelle, since he isn't quite your average kid.


Chelsea strutted along down the street enjoying the sunny weather and minding her own business, until a soccer ball suddenly flew by her face. The narrow miss made her heart skip a beat and she breathed a sigh of relief over the fact that her nose would survive the day intact.

"Sorry, miss. I didn't see you there..."

She heard the voice and turned to see a preteen boy running across his lawn right toward her. He was an impish looking child with mischievous brown eyes that charmed her as he ran on to the road to retrieve his ball.

"I'm Jared..." He greeted eagerly upon returning to stand before her. "What's your name?"

"Chelsea?"

"Hi, Chelsea. You're really pretty..."

Chelsea smiled bashfully while none the wiser to Jared's gaze falling upon her cleavage and bare midriff. A sprinkler on the other side of the street turned on and began spraying copious amounts of water all around.

"Ha, I guess that thing has a mind of its own..."

She stared speechlessly ahead, then quickly left due to the feeling that she'd seen too much.

"Bye, sexy lady!" Jared called out after her with a wave.


"You won't believe what I saw outside..." Jared began with a suggestive smile upon coming back into the house and joining Michelle on the living room floor.

"Oh, yeah? What?" She asked while turning to face him with a cock of her defined eyebrows.

"A really hot lady." He replied, putting both hands to his chest to demonstrate the shape of the woman's breasts. Michelle glared at him in disgust.

"Okay, stop it now..."

"No, Michelle! I'm not done!" Jared insisted before continuing to describe the encounter. "She was wearing a top that showed off her tummy and belly button. I'll even show you..."

He stood up to begin demonstrating, at which point Michelle couldn't tolerate anymore. She rose to her feet also and delivered a firm kick to his shin in revenge.

The blow made him double over in pain as a shrill squeak rung out from his lips. Michelle ignored him and sat back down to keep enjoying her favorite show in satisfaction.


"Oh, wow. She's coming my way..."

Sandy-haired Zach took a deep breath to calm himself at the sight of his crush April gracefully making her way along the school corridor. He spent the few seconds before she reached him, checking his breath and raising his toes so that he could meet her at eye level.

April's golden hair and hazel eyes glinted in the sunlight that was streaming through the nearby window. Zach put on the most charming smile he could muster and opened his mouth to say the words he'd been rehearsing for a week, only for a larger presence to suddenly come up behind him.

"Back off. She's mine!" Jared boldly declared, throwing his arm out to shove Zach aside much to the latter's shock.

Zach briefly lost his balance and wound up slamming against his own locker before the sight of Jared approaching April and striking up a conversation made his heart ache. He lowered his head in resignation and while grabbing his schoolbag, decided that he'd try again another day.

"You'll notice me then, and we'll be the best of friends..."

He left the building and his absence went unnoticed by both Jared and April.

"So, April, you want to come to my house on Saturday? We just got a new computer. Windows 98..."

April wrinkled her eyebrows. She was quite prepared to decline his invitation but then realized that it would simply result in him bothering her again next week.

"Fine, I will. Happy now?"

Jared could not contain his joy and gave a wide grin.

"You know damn right I am!"


A gentle glow visible near the foot of the stairs piqued Jared's curiosity and he began heading down to investigate.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

It turned out that the light was coming from the kitchen, where he spotted the mysterious man rummaging through the fridge for reasons unknown. The man soon sensed his presence and turned around to greet him.

"Hey..."

"Who are you?! What are you doing?!"

Jared hurriedly took a step back with the intention of running upstairs to alert his parents, only for the stranger to grab him before he could do so.

"No! Let me go!" He cried out while attempting to pull himself free.

"Shush..." The stranger whispered urgently, placing one hand over Jared's mouth to quieten him down. "I'm not who you think I am..."

"Mmrrph?!"

"Look at my face and you'll see the resemblance..."

Jared stopped struggling and the stranger let him go. He took a moment to regain his breath before spinning around to gaze upwards. The face that looked down at him was familiar beyond a doubt, with many of the same features as Karen and Steve.

"You...you look my Dad..." Jared began, trying hard to find the words to describe what he saw. "...but gay."

"Hey, there's a thing! It's called being nice to yourself!" The man yelled in response, clearly taking offense at somebody assuming his sexuality. "Anyway, I can say that you'll definitely prefer girls over guys..."

"Thank God..."

"...except for the time you get so heartbroken about losing your girlfriend that it turns you off women for a while. Anyway, if you're too stupid to figure it out, I'm you from the future..."

"What?! Really?!"

"Yeah."

"O-okay then. I guess it makes sense..." Jared replied, his eyes wide with awe. "Is there anything else you can tell me? Like how many girls I get to screw?"