2Now that I've lost everything to you
You say you want to start something new
And it's breaking my heart you're leaving
Baby, I'm grieving
But if you want to leave, take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there
Oh baby baby it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh baby baby it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl" Wild World by Cat Stevens
May, 4
How would you feel if every breath you took was painful? If your genes decided to screw you over and mess up a bunch of part of your body? Yeah, I wouldn't be happy either.
Ever since I was young, my body has been against me, it made it hard for me to breath, leaving me always gasping and envying those that could do so easily. The doctors kept saying it was Asthma, through those time, I at least had someone by my side, my twin sister, Aris Jane. Mom was always dealing with something, not that he was bad or anything! Yes, my mother is a guy, and according to him, we had to be cut out of him, so that means that we are 100% his children, if that's not enough proof, then the fact that Aris Jane looks just like him must be...or that might mean that I am the adopted one?
That's not the point to this introduction! My therapist thinks that writing in this damn journal will make things better, so I am giving it a try, especially with the new move. Like I was saying before my brain decided to rudely interrupt me, it turns out I am not asthmatic at all, it's something even more crappy than that. When I got officially diagnosed, they did a sweat chloride testing twice as well as a few others to measure my lung, they also tested Aris Jane to make sure that she didn't have it.
Mom had kept pacing back and forth, looking more like a fragile little doll then our mother, his wide, pink eyes kept staring at me and then, that night after we got the results, he had gone into my room and cuddled with Aris Jane and I, begging for forgiveness.
It was apparently hereditary what I got, which means that both parental figures needed to have it. Mom never talks about who our father is and we learned not to ask. When we were younger, Aris Jane and I would listen to mom cry once he thought we were sleeping, she and I would hold each other hand and stare up at the ceiling, wondering what made mom so sad.
He's a big mystery, even though I have 16 years knowing our mom, I don't really know much, except that he loves roses and strawberries, that he cries quietly at night sometimes and that he has a few scars on his body, he also goes to therapy. Our mom is very soft spoken, he also gets flustered very easily.
My therapist says that I seem to resent my mom, which is a lie, sure Aris Jane and I didn't have the easiest of childhood, not only because of our illness, but because mom would sometime slip into depressive episode and lock himself up, whispering things or talking on the phone with his therapist for hours, even so, we had a lot of fun. Mom would play with us and sit down, coloring for hours with us. Sometimes I wondered how we managed to get the money that we did to live alright and move around so much.
It always felt as if we were running from something or someone, mom would randomly gather our things and announce that we would be moving. Due to our illness, Aris Jane and I got homeschool by our mother, we didn't get that much interaction with other kids or people, which was fine by me, as long as I got Aris Jane and my music, I was fine.
Mom use to like curling up with us, sometimes telling us stories about grandma, apparently our grandmother really love gardening, we were told about another grandma, she was the adopted one who helped mom out for a while, apparently he had been a foster kid for a while and Aris Jane as well as I, were named after her, I believe her name was Elizabeth, mom doesn't talk about her anymore.
After the diagnosis, I got angry, with Asthma, I knew what to expect and it wasn't as bad but with the new disease, well my future was not looking too happy, no matter what the doctor said. It felt unfair to mom, Aris Jane had her heart condition and now I had my body turning even more against me.
I had a breathing mask with me which went wherever I went, now I even had a vibrating vest which was suppose to help clear up my lungs, during bedtime, I had my breathing machine which helped me keep breathing while I slept or else my breathing would stop. To me, it felt as if I was being more of a burden to mom, we had to move again, where my doctor currently was, apparently I was in need of a support group as well. The only good thing was that Aris Jane's doctor was in the same building, the new house was nice as well.
It was small with three rooms, there was a yard big enough for me to do my exercises at, mom and Aris Jane join me, well mom joined me and Aris Jane would watch us. If something came out of this, it was that I at least learned why I am so short for a 16 year old, apparently it had to do with the illness. I was an annoying 5'4ft, which was tall compared to mom and Aris Jane, she was 4'9.
Saying what I have...it feels as if once I say it, then everything will become real and I won't be able to run from it. This will no longer be a dream but a reality and I just can't have that, not yet. I rather focus on mom and Aris Jane, the two constant thing in my crappy world.
Sometimes, when mom thinks I am asleep, I can hear him singing softly or humming along, it often gets stuck in my head and I wonder how mom knows such a sad song.
"Did you ever love me, I wonder if you could see inside my heart…..this is goodbye."
Who broke mom's heart? Who did mom have to say goodbye to? There was so much I didn't know yet I wanted to know, especially now with this sickness, I didn't know how much longer I had left, it could be a year, it could be 5 or even a decade, for everyone it was different.
Who will take care of mom when I die? Who will hold on to Aris Jane? Time forgets us, it forgets our name and history, there will be no one to remember the name JJ, I'll just be dust somewhere and the thought of being forgotten...that scares me.
Alright diary, here it is, I…..Jamie Jacob Stone, have been diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis.
I guess this is all for today, mother is calling me to eat dinner.
Don't forget:
JJS.
A.N: Hello everyone, it has been a while since I updated anything. This is the sequel to Love Me, for now it's going to be told in Jamie Jacob P.O.V, you will learn more about the other characters soon, especially Aros, who JJ talks a lot about. You'll also find out what happened to Jamie and Sasha. I was struggling a lot with how to start this story, which is why it took so long to update. This is set 16 years after Aros left Jamie and started a new life. The bits of Cystic Fibrosis that I do talk about came out from the research I did on it, I apologize if any information given regarding it is wrong, please do let me know.
The title was picked due to my inspiration from Yiruma's song, Time Forget which I think goes really well with what this story will be about. Wild World belongs to Cat Stevens. Hopefully updates for this story will be faster, I have a few chapters written out ahead to try and speed up the process. Sorry again it took me so long to update, depression is a B with an itch but lately I've been feeling much better, lets hope it lasts.
Thanks to those that are still with me, it means a lot and I hope you enjoy this sequel. Thanks also to those that have bother reading Love Me even though I went quiet for so long.
-Yery-