All the lonely people,

Who's on my side,

It ain't right,

Guess I'll hold tight,

and die trying.

---

The Weight of My Love

Wow cannot even begin to explain the way you make me feel

It kind of hurts and it's kind of beautiful

How just a short glance from your eyes can make me dizzy with heartache

When everything fades into the reality of you,

You're making it very hard to breathe and I gasp for air

Trying to push down the claustrophobia of my screaming heart

Choking on the prolonged embrace I so wish to feel.

I don't think I truly understand what has been wrought

I can only write what is hidden beneath my skin and hope it is tainted with normality

Can only write every sorrow I must live through

In this fragile hope that you will understand,

I'm trying to explain the potency of your voice and my reaction towards t

And make you realize the burden of every emotional impulse, the weight of my love,

I've found it hard to look you in the eye

Because lying makes me sick

Gnawing at the insecurity in my throat, buckling my weary knees of despair

Tightening my frail body and scraping my dreams against insanity

Pushing them to the brink of the end.

I try to smile a smile that doesn't feel so wrong, but it hurts

And it's kind of awful

How you never notice the pain I am enduring with now

(The pain that tears clear droplets of woe from the corner of my hazel eyes)

Or the truth that lies within,

I wish I could look into the infinity of your soul and find myself waiting there

But I could only beg for such a relief from this wasted life

The release just out of reach and so far away that I'm living in it

Breathing with it

Finally finding something like security

Where everything makes me numb and I can no longer feel the pain.

How tender is sanity as it welcomes me to the tight confines of humanity

Pushing away your face and convincing me you were never really there.

Yet another feeling is thrashing on the floor, trying to collect its remains

So it may stand and pull me down to Earth,

(Making it very hard to fly)

Reminding me of your beautiful skin

And the way I could react to it.

I look into your soul….

And wow could never explain the way you make me feel.

I almost let you go,

Let you slip like melting water off the edges of my frozen heart

(My guarded fenced in heart)

---

I almost convinced myself you were unnecessary, a burden

Weighing on my marble white shoulders and tearing at the black

Feather wings hanging there

Opening scars I'd never noticed,

The cherry red blood stained the dip of my spine, down, down, down

To the curve of my talon toed feet

I let the trails rot there, wanting everyone to see the discoloring,

What you'd done to me,

I nearly let myself begin to dislike you, despite who you were

Riding cotton candy clouds to better realities

With golden raindrops and simple butterflies, whose wings really did give kisses

I convinced myself there was more, had to be more,

Had to be perfection somewhere, I mumbled incoherently over and over and over again

Seashell cracked fingernails breaking, dancing, and gnawing at dry, desert like skin

Eyes opened but blind, seeing only the film reel I'd already begun and finished

Ink instead of irises, destiny instead of choice,

I almost forgot where we came from, why I had submitted in the

first place

Hiding in the crayon box marked Crayola, rubbing glue onto my too mature fingers

Polk a dotted pinks and macaroni and cheese oranges,

Child safe boxes, I constructed like towers around me

Letting excuses drown my happiness, convincing myself we needed more still

But we shouldn't have to try for it, I sat pouting, arms crossed,,

Nothing to play, even with the sea of new toys I was riding on, the

Rainbow boxed carpet the sea floor;

I let the toxic, sticky bubbles of the blackest discontent slide into my open throat and overflow,

Not fighting it, knowing I must

Mouth wide, eyes wide, tipped back to the orange son "Save me"

Again and again, I thought I needed more rescuing

I couldn't be content, stepping intentionally into denial, twirling towards it

With my graceful-like limbs

How could you love me, how could I love thee

Too much in the world, not enough of this love you're trying to convince me we have

Gold dresses, bubbling champagne, my better realities convinced me otherwise….

I was pushed against the wall, nails erect in the center of my palms and ankles

Not fighting the despair, letting it swallow me whole, thinking,

Believing, this was all I could be

(Submitting myself to a life against the wall)

Mouth still agape, lips chapped and bleeding, creating rivulets down my chin,

Eyes unblinking, burning

The orange sun was taking its toll

But discontent, my sizzling discontent, still drizzled out my sun parched mouth and

I no longer believed I needed rescuing, no longer wished to be saved,

Right when I needed it most….

My skin was drying, peeling, crinkling leaves and you were the rain

The uncontrollable, unpredictable rain; weather man tightens his tie,

Defensive in his stance, proud even

"Deception!" I scream, yell, umbrella like a weapon in my upraised fist,

Mascara running like army paint down my face

But he walked away, unaffected, decision made.

I was left to fend for myself, like the boy who cried wolf, it was

Time to stop pretending….

I curled instinctively into what I knew, blindly batting away change,

I couldn't convince myself I could handle it

And yet, somehow, you pulled me away from myself, unnatural,

Foreign, you looked so changed

Words poured from your mouth, that pretty golden mouth, languages

I did not understand, but

I found salvation in your voice

It pulled me to this place that I knew I needed to be, violin bow on my

Violin strings, you completed me

Constructed me, made me, and played me; Created with me….

How long do you think this will last, little, flying demons whispered

Gleefully in my ear, doubt in their claws, so similar to my own

Away! Away! I wanted them away, to let this peace settle over us

And create the only satisfaction I'd ever know

Away! Please, I screamed. Fighting for myself: something I had never done

This made them laugh, roll and cough with hysterics, faces deformed

With glee and wicked intent

Why was this happening? I sobbed, wept, destroyed myself over

Doubt and questions without answers

Why was the track skipping like schoolgirls in plaid down the cobblestone?

Why was it all falling apart so soon?

Only because you want it to, they whispered, serious faces cracking

With wolfish smiles

Falling to my knees, strength suddenly swept away, that was all it

Took for the scars to tear open

Red paint running, running, running down my back, hands, feet

Eyes, lip and chin;

The orange sun began to rise again

Weatherman sits sadly in his chair, eyes on the ground, he cannot

Even look at what he's done

Mouth wide, eyes wide, again I am locked int his place beneath the sun

Only this time it's different

A scream pours out that mouth, a desperate, cold scream and despair

True despair blinds those hazel brown eyes…

You watch silently,

Back turned to most of it, you couldn't understand, why, why I

Would do this to myself

Why, you whispered, whispers coming from the ground, next to my ear

Over my skin

I couldn't handle, decided I wouldn't

I wasn't a warrior, not a fighter,

You knelt beside my falling figure and asked me to try,

Try

Try please

Try

I smiled weakly, sadly, nodding,

Nodding because it was all I could say

And began to try….

Soon all we had was effort and we both felt we'd landed just off

Target, darts on opposing dart boards

I'm still smiling, still bleeding and you decide not to notice for a while

Instead pouring champagne, catching butterflies, you've become somewhat like me….

Hands curled around claws and we smile at one another,

Forgetting the depth, and focus on surface

A line is crossed and I stumble back, away, suddenly afraid,

What had I done?

The sky breaks open and I let the umbrella fall from my hand again

You grow weary of this back and forth, tug of war, and I watch you only

With an examiner's eye

Trying to detect when it had all gone wrong

Not even concerned with turning it right

Language still foreign, how can I respond to words I do not comprehend, anger, sadness

I am angry at myself for a while, pouring over translation book,

Looking for something that will save us

I become all too aware of your growing distaste and decide it's too late

Too late to believe we can still try and fix this

If only we could turn the clock back, I plead, trying to make you understand

That what we had has been soiled, lost

And you shake your head, stil in the dark, hoping I blame myself

Turn away, walk away, just like that and I let you….

I let you walk away.

Let you slip like melting water off the edges of my frozen heart

(my guarded, fenced in heart)

How quickly it all elapsed, my twirls beginning to slow, dizzy, exhausted

I sat down, waiting for the sun to come back and burn me

But the salvation I had found in you, remained, and taught me to protect myself

Sun block, chapstick

I looked back on those days with regret and so many coulda shoulda wouldas but

Thankful for what you'd put up with and helped me become

You helped me believe I could save myself and regretfully, I had

Taken that for granted, not pulling my own weight, contributing to the whole

You taught me that I was selfish, needy, greedy, unworthy, but also

Human, beautifully, wonderfully, and brokenly human

I'm no longer content with discontentment and that's created

Entirely new and significant realities

For me and those I affect

So, Thanks, I mouth to your retreating figure, beginning to think

And act and believe in ways that help me stop the bleeding

I look changed to myself, kaleidoscope eyes, and I've become this foreign unknown

The golden hills and cotton candy clouds have turned into dreams.

Forgotten in a moment

And I've gained perspective on this world I knew nothing about….

Opening the gates, destroying the demons, ignoring the whispers,

Holding my ground

Now a warrior, I look onto the sun without fear, but defiance

Ready to tackle the rain…

---

If I let you go, I'd just have to shatter my heart again

And it's so broken already

Can't we just rebuild….

You could be my glue.

---

If you made me fall any harder, I'd break.

---

I thought you would be different for me

But,

You're just another dot in my sky….

And I can't blame myself for what you are

Only myself,

For what I believed you could be.

---

Butterfingers

Friends don't last forever

They slip from

Best friend to enemy

Rank to rank, until

You're not sure what to think

A friend will turn against friend, and both

Will drift

Like the smoke covering

A fine layer of the sea

And your grip

On them will tighten

Holding them hostage

Knuckles white

You try so hard

Until your hands

Grip so tight,

Tighter and tighter

Until they slip

Right through your

Bony fingers

And your heart falters

But soon another

Friend will come and

Love you

And you no longer

Have to grip them

Until your knuckles

Turn white, tighter and tighter,

Because they are

Holding on with you

And they're not pulling away.

---

Broken Trust

I try not to lie

As I try not to cry

You look into my eyes

And I forget the words of my goodbyes

They fade away like dust

And as I study your face, I see trust

I cannot bring myself to say

That I cannot stand another day

But my trust is broken and dead

I try to speak my thoughts but it

Seems my tongue is made of lead

You try to coax it out

But you only make me want to shout

I want to stay in love so bad

Yet your voice only makes me

More mad

I try to remember my desire

But it inrages me like a hot and

Burning fire

Finally, I spit it in your face

And when I walk away your flued

In your place

I saw you

When you were alone with her, just you two

Denials start to fly here and there

But I can see the guilt beneath

Your stare

And that makes me want to die

For somewhere, I still had hope that

What I saw was a lie

But you're just who I thought you'd be

A man who, definitely, is not

The one for me

And so I let it go

This act that seemed so low

I walk to the door

I can hear your feet fly across the floor

You try to hold me back

With the persuasion of tears, but

Pity is something I lack

And so I break free

Knowing that after this my life

Will be as it should be

And as my feet pass the threshold I allow a smile

For I did not tell a lie, the whole damn while.

"I can see the guilt beneath your stare…"

---

Fortune Told

Fortune tellers sing a song

Reminding us what we've done wrong

They tell their tales with cheery voice

Reminding us of our bad choices

They carve tattoos and adorn with beads

Reminding us of our sinful needs

They travel over places far

Reminding us how small we are

They tell us of the future and past

Reminding us that life dies fast

They are everything we wish to be

Reminding that were not free

---

The Queen

The queen sits upon her throne

She is the sting of every thorn

The queen looks down to her peoples

She is the voice of every liar

The queen sips the wine she is offered

She is the taste of poison

The queen watches her court mingle

She is the lust of every man

The queen meets her eyes with a squire

She is the violence of every death

The queen stands above all the people

She is the singer of every song

The queen tries to hide behind her beauty

She is the breath of every daughter

The queen tries to hide from it all

She is the right of every wrong

The queen is bound to her duties

She is the green of every leaf

The queen meets the eyes of her squire

She is the beat of every heart

The queen is not as lucky as us all

She is the turn of every sun

The queen is trapped to her throne.

"She is every poisonous thing, but that's not who she wants to be…"

---

It's A Guy Thing

They know just how to ruin our appetites

I don't remember when burping became funny

But they have mastered the art

All they do is get sweaty and show off

No weakness here

No pink, no reading, no chick flicks

I guess it's a guy thing

Jokes about human anatomy and their fortes

They know just how to make our noses wrinkle

They never allow hugs, not one

And no tears then they'd be a "wimp"

And we can't have that…. Nope

I guess it's a guy thing

We find a sensitive one here and there

Not afraid to sing or cry

And then the grumpy, mysterious ones

The ones we become most curious about

Ones who couldn't care less about us

Then there's the smart one

That's also a crime, "nerds" they call them

I guess it's a guy thing

They all, no so secretly, share a love for the mud

And little creepy six legged things

A love for sports and an obsession to winning

They barely glance in the mirror

They're like a different species

I guess it's a guy thing

They also have this special ability

To flip their hair in a way that makes us go

Crazy and just

When you think you can't stand one more burp

They turn the tables on you and

Make you fall in love with them

I guess it's a guy thing.

---

The Color Red

It is rage

Dragging away innocence

Touching the inner darkness

I have yet to unleash

Blinding my kindness

So all I see is the anger

Red behind my eyes

I am thrashing at the edge

Of paranoia and self indulgence

Tipping myself to the fall

Where everything is silent

Leaving nothing but the color

Red, to think of

I am tearing at the throat of my conscience

It is paralyzed with indecision

Trying to calm my hectic nerves

I slam away the reassurance

My head thrown back

And all I see is red

I am losing myself in this heroin

Consuming reason

With my hate

I run to the precipe

And let go of the silence

Screaming so I will be heard

And no one will rest

Or have the innocence of my eyes

Gleams the color red

---

My Boy

You are my imagined boy

Having nothing else to think of

I thought of you

Now im trying to destroy

The thing in which I fell to love

To think of something new

My ideas have run out on me

Leaving it blank in my mind

I'm trying to forget

So it will you that I see

Leaving the other you behind

In my own personal forfeit

I'm trying to figure it out

How I could be so blind

To who you are

You leave me to my doubt

Waiting for me to find

That you were never far

While waiting you began to change

You left behind the boy

And became a man

I did not notice the exchange

And what it did destroy,

The love I made by hand.

---

How

To be young and

In love

Ah, the sweet sorrow

How do we learn,

I am young and

In love

And it tastes so

Bittersweet

So different

Like a vast jungle

Waiting to be

Discovered

So warm

Like a candle in

The snowy nights of

Frost

How do we learn,

My mind is

Confused, it doesn't

Know what to think

My heart is

Hectic like the stars

I want to know

If this is real

To be young and

In love,

How do we learn,

He stares at my

Eyes and

I am lost in that

Vast jungle,

Help,

I am so young

How do we learn

My heart jumps

To my throat

And my knees

Wobble, his

Smile like the setting

Of the sun,

Beautiful and

Entrancing, I am

In love

How do we learn,

Teach me

For I am

Young and in love.

---

Warriors

If every girls falls for her knight in shining armor

Then tell me, my love, what do you save me from

Courage makes for that beautiful armor

Your determination is the sharpest of swords

A steed under you is the white burning of hope

Keeping you on your feet

Why do you fight all the demons and their beasts

Bravery compels you to move forward but

To what end do you lead yourself, young knight

I know the humor in your heart, the lightness

I know what your wrath induces, the darkness

Too pitiful amount of self loathe I wonder why you fight

For yourself, for the accomplished wonder, for me

Do you ever doubt, strong warrior of my heart

I see none in those bright, vulnerable eyes

The eyes that make me feel beautiful for a while

Where's the cheering crowd, calling you home

The banners, the feasts, the songs in your name

They sing of your grace, your fierce loyalty, of you

My heart is already singing

I take another look and yes there it is

There you stand no armor, no steed, no sword

You stand defenseless in your skin

But there I stand too waiting as we all do

For you to come home to the crowd and the songs

A place where I will always protect you.

---

Stuck In Rewind

You can't even move forward

Yours so lost in pity

Your tears never cease

Because you won't even see

That there is me

Hating won't help your cause

Though you may think so

Don't try to drag me down because

The answer is still

No

As many times you have said

That this was over

You still cut to yourself open and bled

I'm not sure what you

Would like me to say

This will never get better until you do

Yet you choose to cry

Every day

Are you sure there's a reason why

I know it hurt, at least I think I do

But soon

You will have to become more

Not for me

But for you

Will you even try to see

I miss who you used to be

And slowly it is killing me

To know

It will always be this way

Crying and hating

Every single day

So my answer stays the same

No.

---

Heart Stains

Kinda like losing a limb or leg

Or so it seems

A loneliness you can't quite peg

Like a horrible dream

You can't wake up from

You wait for the tears

Not sure when they will come

But wetness falls, confirming your darkest fears

You try to remember a time and day

When happiness wasn't far

There always was a way

Always a wishing star

That shone so bright

It put some hope inside you

But someone reached out and turned out the light

Now your lost with what to do

Death is just another silent

In which you have to fight

This battle wins one score

Of this dark versus light

There is no going back

A loss you can't replace

Have to get back on track,

No visible scar left to trace

Yet there is always the pain

In which you have to deal

It brands your heart, leaving a stain

You must continue to feel

Even though it hurts to do so

It is the only way you can move on let go.

Black in its Potency

Sometimes

Another life

Is too much

Your greed is no longer

Potent

When all else has turned black

And I'm only guessing

When I say

Most would wish

In the dark

To keep it that way

Red waves roll,

Only in my mind

Do the people die.

Hazel eyes try to see

What can not be explained,

Like a science.

Always in my mind,

I let the people die.

Red waves roll,

Because we barely try.

---

Young Gentle Man

Already I see

What you will grow up to be,

A mindless machine

---

Recognition

I've forgotten you

The smile you used to wear fades

I don't recognize

---

Making Up Lies

Paint my face with dust

You feel as though it will help

But we know the truth

---

The Frail Lines

How can any of our kind look in the mirror and see hope

How can we be proud of the lives we lead

In those eyes I see the memories, haunted

How can we live with these tears

We do not know trust

It is a vague feeling that we barely can graze

I know we've lied. We all do

Choice, it is a part of us all, can you live with that

Friendship is another mystery

Do we know this word, we are not worthy of such

We can all lie, we choose to do so

We lie to others

Those we proclaim to trust, it is a frail line between

Need and desperation

What heights will we take

We lie to ourselves

We believe in something more than we are

Does trust even exist anymore

Hazel, blue, green, black,

All eyes hold depth, were not even sure of ourselves

Do you know your heart

I see the pain in a fleck of light shining from the

Abyss that has taken so many others

How can we hurt

I hurt, you hurt, we hurt

It's not quite the same I don't believe

This is all we are

Does this comfort you

I am not content because I wish to know

Facts and reality, it is a frail line

I don't think I can live with this, I hurt

And I know it is the last thing I will ever feel

Can you see all this in my eyes

I thought not

I can not bear to glance the mirror

All I see is fragments of a girl I thought I once knew

She is, slowly, blending into the lies

Enclosed to the abyss

I no longer feel my heart

My heart, which is, slowly, decaying

I am not strong

These hurts are more than I am

I can't live with this

I am not porud

My choice is made and I must live with that

I thought I knew

I wish not to hurt, to be hurt

Can you see all this in my eyes….

I thought not.

---

Dusk To Dawn

Wake up

The day is ahead

Rub your tired eyes

And get out of bed

Brush out your hair

Reassure yourself

That they will care

With their pointed fingers

And judgmental stares

Laying naked in bed

Closet full of clothes

Nothing to wear

Choices circle your head

Convince yourself to care

Now go downstairs and eat

Each swallow like a sin

A cancer you can't defeat

Give it up

Leave the table and let

Hunger win

Push yourself out the door

It can't be that bad

The way people pass you

Makes your life sad

Eyes trained to the floor

Unlike you, they know what they intend to do

You communicate with a smile

Your heart doesn't betray you as you talk

They seem to care

What you have to say

Slow your run to a walk

Maybe it won't be such a bad day

Your latest heart throb walks by

The light leaves your eye

And already

You can tell why

The tears gather in your eyes

The day passes on again

Nothing really accomplished

I guess

We can't always win

Head back to home

The bed will welcome you

Waste some time

Behind the screen of a tv

It seems so

Sublime, to let go

Not for long, though

Eat on your own

It's not a sin

For this sickness you have

Of being alone

Peel off your clothes

Throw them in the hamper bin….

As you always do

Let your head fall to your pillow

It is the only peace

You can afford

Let your mind float away

Your only release

Lie to yourself

Life is fine

You are happy at this time

Your fantasy seems divine

Of how your life could be

If it was

Fine

You try to not really see

Just because

Dreams

They are happy

Because already life holds many

Horrors and many screams

Lose yourself in them

Another secret untold

Of how your life should unfold

Black

And

Blank….

Wake up

The day is ahead

Rub your tired eyes

And get out of bed

Again.

---

Army of Angels

White wings drape the sky

Spreading chaos on the earth

To challenge the gods

---

Threats in the Dark

Run from the anger

It threatens to consume you

In the black of night

---

Break Your Mind

Find insanity

It will welcome ignorance

Like no one else shall

---

Demon Words

We misunderstood

Demons do not wish to kill

They aim to consume

---

Dressed in White

Bind the wrappings tight

You dare not break loose for fear

Fear of your own mind

---

Death

Awful happening

When life is no longer life

It will destroy us

---

Lust

Lips as soft as rain

A heroin to my brain

This need I contain

---

Winners

Trying to find a game

A game in which we all win

There is no such game

---

B&W

We can be one race

When our hate is forgotten

We can live with peace

---

True

Lies lost in with truth

My shaking fingers can't find

The truth in the lie

---

Hostage

Once again

I feel my fingers curl to fists

An anger so deep and hateful

Takes hold and

Desire to do wrong

Nearly overwhelms me

I've never imagined this hate

I want to run

To destroy the surroundings

That have easily trapped me

Hostage makes for

An unwelcome feeling

I look in the mirror and I see

Me, finally

Rage crackles in hazel eyes

I am wearing

What they have bought me

I feel sick

Wanting to cut out the bad in myself

The bad

They have awoken

Tendrils of hair curl around my

Pale complexion

Reminding me when composure was

Everything

I want to scream at the face

Staring back at me

Shame darkens her hazel eyes

And once again

I lose myself

Pain aches to burn along my skin

But only sanity

Keeps me tied down

Shamelessly, I feel a different emotion

I feel

As though I am beautiful

Finally, I see the truth in

My eyes

The anger, the heat, the rage

And I wonder how

I can always hide

How does my body contain it

Tears don't threaten to

Surface and

I try to recall the last time they fall

The anger is still there

I wait for it to simmer out

And pour onto the page

I am now scribbling so hard on

It boils inside me

Like a virus

The pain of it makes me cringe

Not with pain

But pleasure

Because I am sick

Welcoming this misery

Another me observes and whispers

Conspiratory

Words against the soft red of my lips

I shudder

As another wave of control

Forces its way over my skin

Like bacteria

I feel it spread over me

An intimate touch

I want to scream and laugh

To slip open skin

And let the virus pour out

Inside, my body is fighting a war

I don't wish to win

Consequences, consequences, consequences

It chants

Echoes

Through my mind

Sliming out of my ears, my nose, my lips

I am drowning

Out of my depth with

Rage

My toes, fingers, my heart

Clench

And the feeling is not far from passion

I scream into the

Room that traps me with no lock

Only no one can hear it

Because

My scream is bouncing off the walls

Of me

And they simply aren't listening

The terror in my

Heart makes me weak as I

Mull over what I am capable of

So easy, so easy, so easy

I want to rip

To shred

To demolish

Sanity is like a leash

I pull at it frantically

Trying to break free

The blinds of my window show freedom

Behind the thin shades

So much like prison bars

I want to rip them away

And freefall

To whatever ending I find myself in

The leash pulls tight

And reality jerks back

Even when I push it away

My breath comes

Out as a long shudder

And I wonder

As always

If I am not the binder

Who cautiously restricts the chance

Of freedom

And the end of this pathetic existence

I want to bleed

Tears

And rid myself of feeling

So nothing can hurt me

No more me

No more you

Just a blinding rage that reminds

Me why we are here

To create

To control

Such a vain ambition

To believe I was different

But no

I marvel at my own power

The fearlessness that has built

Inside me

The adrenaline of change

Letting dark thoughts reconsider in my mind

But my sanity

Is made of tougher stuff

Longing

Longing for youth

For ignorance and company

For support and

A sense of right

My fingers shake, every day

I will always have it

As a reminder

Of this venom hidden inside me

Itching to break

Free

I want to tear it out

The hope

The heart

Only because of this moment

Of pure dominance

I held power in my palm

In the shape of a pill

But longer is stronger and

I know

I am full of exactly that

It pushes against me

And finally I let power rule

And only for a second

I reach climax

And it serves as my only freedom

For now

---

I want to hear your scream

Make it seem you don't matter

And avoid the drama of the day

Crawl into your hole of self-loath

And drive the words away

Shut your mouth and contemplate

The horror of this place

Use your brain as a shield

To hide the real behind your face,

When they try to make you speak

Don't even both the why

Turn away from that friendly smile

And kiss your youth good bye

I do not care what you want

Or how you wish to get it,

And when your old and lonely,

I won't let you forget

The cold smiles turning to stone

When you tried to make your way

Dipping your head low

As you turned to face the day,

But when you lie down again

With the intent to only dream

Remember you are the reason

You wish to scream and scream and scream.

---

Tired of Being Strong

I don't want to stop the tears any longer

I want them to pour out like a fragile rain

I want you to be the one who comforts me

Not the other way around

You seem to think I have the strength to deal

With more feelings than my own

But really all I'm doing

Is pretending to have no feelings at all

And in my eyes, that is weakness

But no one thinks

To lend me a shoulder because I have

Always been the one you cried on

For a moment, I want to be selfish

Caring about myself

Not trying to fix your problems

I'm no longer holding back

Yet you pile on your feeling and I

Must comfort you

Because you think you're weak

And I am strong

(strong enough to hide)

And so I shove it down inside myself

And smile,

Knowing I am the weaker one because of it.

---

Hate, More Than Love

I hate smiling at your smile though

I do it every day

I hate controlling my emotion still

You make me feel this way

I hate crying when you hurt me,

I only do it when I'm weak

I hate never telling you you're beautiful

Though it'd let the secret leak

I hate knowing that you don't know

When I've had every chance to tell

I hate having only one communication

As we text all night on cell

I hate feeling better when I see you even

If it makes my day

I hate holding back when I want

To hold you thought I know you'd

Push me away

I hate wanting to forget when

I really should be free

I hate changing who I am as I

Forget what makes me me

I hate saying that I love you when

You'll never even heart it

I hate going on with life as I

Unravel bit by bit….

I hate screaming on the inside

When I know I deserve more

I hate love you and not even knowing

What for

---

Like A God

The Love I made for you was…..

Worship

Could be a term for it

The way I threw myself at your feet

Trying hard to mold into the figure

Of something you wanted

Like a god, you were the beginning

And ending thought of each day

And like a God, there was apart

Of me that didn't believe in your

Magnificence

I made your smile mean more to me

Than I know I should have

But I was so lost in you

I didn't know what I was losing

Myself

By the end, I had gone too deep

Already I depended on the feelings

That had awoken inside me

And I couldn't pull out

Changing you, letting go of you

Is like letting go of God

Feels wrong

But still the honest thing to do

Because I was only a peasant

In your eyes

The best term for it, I fear to say

Was

Friend

And thus ends my service

To your grace

---

Want

Disfiguring all things of innocence

To how it wishes to be seen

Changing friends to things of hate

So it will seem the victim

Motivating the blood stains on you

Satisfying its own desire

Through you

It wields a power that is unbearable

Terrifying and beautiful all at once

Taunting you with its flavor

It is the wind and the rain

Dropping innocent kisses on your skin

We do not protest its influence

For it is the deadly poision

Spreading a virus under our skins

A silent, flesh eating virus

Shoving us to desire

Our delightful worlds of sin

---

The Challenge

We are robots lost in the game

Not even trying to win the fame

We lose at our own race

Which is the why to shame our face

We never try to riddle out

The puzzles we had built with doubt

We won't win because no one is trying.

We are challenged with the war of life…

And everyone is dying.

---

Eyes of Blue

Blue eyes burned holes in my skin

They symbolize sand in an hour glass

Running time down a bottle

There is a drug in those eyes

Holding denial and heart

I can see girl behind them

Holding me captive

The eyes sparkle like wine

Overcome with emotion, they speak

I dare to listen to the voice

Of those lonely eyes

She is trying hard to hide

And I am lost in despair, waiting

Waiting for the blank void to fill

To open and welcome

The steady comfort of my heart

I can see theblue eyes behind

My mind's eye

Pushing doubt at me

But they are not full of sadness

I look again and see a light

It is joy

Taking my breath in a storm of blue

Lighting your face

And shaking the doubt of

Jumping to conclusion

That people can see the depth

That haunts the body of the blue eyes

Inside a girl

Where I am still listening,

Always waiting.

---

Walk On Me

Tred your footsteps down my spine

I can feel the curl of your foot

Imprinting my skin

Your step is hard and merciless

Arching my back

Your toes push on me like talons

I cry out in confusion

But let you pave your way

Down my thighs to the hard terrain

Of my calves

It hurts to cry

And I don't push away the onslaught

You step off my body

An oasis of relief

Done with the daily task

To walk all over me

---

Grinning To Myself

There is an exquisite line between myself and sanity

I can see it only because I am so close to crossing it

There is a part of myself that is dying

I can feel it creeping out of my skin and

Tearing at the throat of reason and sense

It makes me kind of giddy

Like a new high that throws me into a delicious chaos

It is something I have never experienced before

The feeling is like an overwhelming tide

Pulling me into a danger just out of reach

It is wringing odd sounds from my exposed throat

Terror, laughter, shock and quick pants of anticipation

I glance over at a pair of eyes

They beckon me, reaching out with intent

I jump into the support of those arms and

My heart clenches a beat, waiting for the tide

It will yank me away from this bored reality

Who is tired of catching tears and losing trust

She is jealous of our skepticisim and lets me go easily

I drown and am shoved hard to the bottom of myself

I feel the worst of me slip out again and

I am full of terror

I feel arms clutch around my mind, holding it together

And I am sure to reach the surface

When reality welcomes me reluctantly a new

Form of terror makes its entrance to my body

And it is a shame no one can seem e the way I am now

No longer looking at the world with blind eyes

While they wonder why I like to sit alone

With a sharp smile on my face

Telling them that they're missing something

But I was never sane enough to tell

I am contemplating my life

Full of misery

And all I can do is grin

Loving the way they stare.

---

The Midnight Offer

It's the end of the night

Every thought has gone to rest

Yet here I sit in the black,

Thinking of you

I wish you would just leave me be

But I cannot imagine

My life without you in it

It is the saddest love I hold

Yet I dare to keep it

Waiting for my time, in which

I offer all of myself

To you

When, finally, you can decide

On whether this is the love

You wish to be responsible of

A love

That consumes the heart

Lifts it high and throws it down

But still I offer

My heart in place of hers

Where one day,

You will see me

And not be able to imagine your life

Without me in it

That is the love I offer

Perfection is far

But I offer still

Because it is still love and

Even when every thought has gone to rest

It consumes me

Like the black of night

---

The Body of Faith

I can hear your voice rise above all the rest

As though it shall outlive them all

I can see the vicious determination in your eyes

I feel as though

Your eyes make your fear

They are the element of your endurance

I notice the strength in your body

It is more intimidating than your eyes

I know I could never take you

Yet iti is your strength that I rely on

I can not be ride of you

You are the element of my endurance

Your voice has risen above the rest

Your eyes have out stared the rest

Your body is one of intimidation

And for that,

You will outlive us all.

Summary: this poem is not about God. Nor about any religious figure. It is simply the body of your inner faith. Lifting us. Whether it be to face of God, is your decision entirely.

---

Sorrows Only Tale

There's a tale sorrow can tell

When a gunshot brought him down

His soul we stole and expel

A soul that makes no sound

There's a darkness in your ways

Of treachery and defeat

Through years, weeks and days

You have sought only deceit

It is not something you've done

Or the way you do it

Just the fact you've won

A morbid victory I can't forget

A crime we could call it

Those eager to land the first hit

It does not take skill or wit

Just a man's sick intent

Your treachery has got you far

But how long can you last

You're just like a glowing star

Burning out too fast

A soul of no remains

Ends this story sad

Misery is all it contains

And that's what makes it bad.

---

Yellow Toes & Magenta Rays

The green sky says hello

As I greet the door

And its wintering hinges.

The torrent of a blue sea

Greets my feet

As I step on fertile grass,

Welcoming the coolness of

My yellow toes.

Magenta rays strike my face

As I twirl to the

Golden black top.

How sweet is this earth

Each day it greets me with

Color.

---

Shadowed

I am alone in a dark room

Feeding my misery with night

I do not feel the shadows as bet

They encompass my being with a strange desire

Making one feel complete

The possibilities of the night

Excite and ensnare my troubled mind

It is as though I am divine

Twisting consequence from view

I ready myself for the outcome

To either maim or pleasure me

I am more patient than time

Letting all things surround and become possible

Within me

I like this feel of security

And of culnerabilitiy

Leaving me open and at risk

To a night with no rules

But I am ready to play the game

For it is just me

Clicking off the lamp.

---

Goodbye

We dry our eyes

For the end is war

The forgetting of another year

No more days in which

To spread our lies

Or the happy feelings that have

Been made

Our friends we know

Will try to stay strong but

Will soon fade

Even if we try to hold on

They will lose their bonds

And all that will be left

Are the memories

Our feelings all bereft

Of substance and

Only summaries

Of a great time

Remain

Searching

Through all our lives

There is really only one dream

One goal, one accomplishment

In which we throw all of ourselves at

We spend countless hours seeking

Trusting our instinct

To explore the right direction

Each day we believe that relief is at hand

When really it is far off

In dangerous waters we dare not trek

Truth scares our journey off

And though we can't and don't choose to notice

The path we left behind

Bound to be followed by travelers

Who still have faith

Each day, they draw closer to journey's end

Always experiementing new ideas

In which to speed their voyage

Days pass and still they walk

Always hoping, dreaming for this one dream

This one goal, one accomplishment

Until they lose all of them selves

Wasting countless hours to search

For something that's not there

And it takes away something necessary

That burdens us

Through all our lives

---

Define Beautiful

The crinkling at the corner of your eyes as your laugh echoes memory

The shy ducking of your head and the confidence in your stride

Embarrassment thickening your voice as you stumble over words

Trying to pluck them out of nerve

The clumsiness in your reassuring palms at the front of a crowd

Your bashful smile in the face of praise

And the pride that lingers there

The kindness in your voice

As it offers me comfort when I need it most

The faith you grasp close and follow, surely

Leaving me behind with awe

The anger that curls your lip

And creates a need to console inside me

The humor dancing along your full lips

Making it impossible not to smile back

When your mouth stretches in amusement (even if I'm not in on the joke)

The mischief that brings to life your dark eyes

And naming you trouble

Is how I define you

And that, in itself, creates something

I hadn't noticed before

Beauty.

---

Distant Intimacy

Madness Part 1

For SANCHEZ

His dark eyes captured mine

Flickering away too fast

Too fast to be acknowledged

In that moment my heart stops

And now isra cing

Double time

Only part of thereason why

My chest aches

I sigh in despair knowing

He will never be mine

I wish to scream….

We smiled, said hello

Palms are sweaty, throat so dry

I can't clear it

He looks away

And I find I am staring

At him. Only him

He shifts uncomfortable and

I know, he knows

That I stare

At him. Only him

I avert my eyes, he does not

Seem to notice

I wish to scream…

I'm walking alone

Recalling the awkward silences

That have stretched between our

Warm bodies,

All.

The times I wished to tell him

Something, everything.

I smile because it is foolish

But I find the

Distant intimacy

Is its own drug in itself

And I am addicted

If only you knew

How I wish I weren't

I wish to scream…..

---

A Revelation

(First Poem Ever)

My darkest daydream

Revealed.

Softly, his lips touched

Her skin

Pressed

Holding

Clutching

Tongues argue and merge

Tasting

Smelling

Feelings

Bodies become one

Ecstasy

Lust

Desire

Backs arch and fingers dig

Release

Violence

Hunger

Cries and moans

Groans and ….

Whispers

Promises

Seduction

The false love

Licks

Caresses

Strokes

His elixir, heroin makes his

Entrance

Come.

And with it

Lies

Deceit

Euphoria

All of it is,

My darkest daydream

Revealed.

"All I can hear is your breathing and the heaviness inside suddenly feels right, as if it pulls me right to where you are; a place where everything is exactly how it should be…

We find a place."

---

Battle for Oneself

You make me someone else

And I despise the people you create

The hopeless, the thoughtless

The undecided

Who am I now

Trying to be myself, when I cannot decide who that is

And deny who it ought to be

And why am I the only enlightened one

The one who found escape

Yet you reject and force me into this difficult life

Laughing, just laughing

As you watch me see you

Create these hopeless lives,

These empty lives

Where belief is mere ignorance not strength

Nor individualism, uniqueness

Or am I still a pawn

The control in your vast experiment

The manipulated variable

Or remain unchanged

Deceived to believe she is different

When really there is no such thing, no such idea

Because you've given us no perspective, no freedom

Only direction,

And what you think we should understand

And these beliefs based on knowledge….

What is knowledge when it is created by the unlearned

Do you really find it so funny

To twist us like this

How long can/will you keep this up

You are running short on ideas

And slowly my eyes are opening

Awaiting to see me

My true self

The person telling me to hold on, run fast, and fight

We haven't lost it yet.

You are the first thought of every other moment

Endless possibility is what haunts me

But the utter helplessness is the torturous part of it all

I lack control over everything that surrounds me

And I spend pointless hours

Thinking on what could happen

Hour after hour

I waste upon you and I feel repundant

Because I have done this all before

Created this person inside my mind out of someone I wish it were.

I know we've never even spoken but there are things I must know before anymore time is wasted, alright?

Hi

I have this question

And it's kind of complex so if you don't understand, I understand

That you don't, I mean…..

Well, I have a problem

About you (among other things)

Only it's a good problem….

I think

A time consuming problem really you see,

I….I can't stop thinking about you

And it kind of sucks, but not really

Because I'm a bit crazy about you

I've felt crazy before

But it was like I'd made a mistake for falling and it's closed my heart and created suspicion inside me

So now I'm indecisive

And terrified of regretting what I feel, do, say, am….

I need to know

Whether you're worth it

I need to know

If you're the person inside my head and I hope that doesn't freak you out

Because yes, I've had time to think on it

Time to create you

And you…

You are the 1st thought of every other moment

Please stay

I haven't even gotten to the worst part of it all yet

I've resorted to this interrogation because of the past regret I carry

Like a bacteria within me

It infects

Every decision I make

And I can find no sanitation

At least, so far I haven't

And I need to know

That if I spend hour after hour thinking of you

If I am willing to surrender…

Would you be willing to accept defeat with me

And be that person I care deeply for

That person you may have never met before

I need to know

Before I make another mistake

Even though so far

You seem to be just what I need

But most of all I need reassurance….

I lack control over everything that surrounds me

And these endless possibilities

Are burning away my time and if you're not wh oi'd like you to be

Then please let me spend some time on someon who is

I need to know if you will be who I'd like

And how you would do this

Without making me regret

The precious time ticking away even now

So far, I am willing

To waste all the time in the world

If it means feeling this complete

I am willing

Are you?

Well…

Bye…. I guess.

---

Science

Madness Part 8

I yearn for you, my friend

Because of rain and its rainbow

Effect and cause

Cause and effect

I fear to understand

What is not lain before me

Curiosity can lead to desire

How often I feel this need

Do you fear me, the rain

Effect and cause

Cause and effect

The weather is stormy

Wild in its confusion

Life still goes on

But I am lost in your color

Heed warning, my friend

Drought seeks its way to my doorstep

It tells me you will never come

Never understand

Effect and cause

Cause and effect

My moon, my life

You are all

Why do you refuse to rise

Soon I will fall

And raininess will ascend the fog

Shining, always

Will you catch me

Help your heart, my friend

I grow weary of age

Of this none ending cycle

Do you love me, can you even see me

My roots are deep

But every day, every fall

You weaken my moral

You are killing me, all of us

Is it fear again, my friend

Little worm comes out to play

Do you care for me,

The sun

If you do, truly

Darkness will follow

And all that will be left is

You, me, and the trees

Do you wish it to be, my friend

Effect and cause

Cause and effect.

Ending All the Madness

Madness Part 9

I want it all to stop

All this noise

And all this feeling

I want to forget

I am tired of these words

Tired of despair

Of want

Of need

I am tired of myself

Stop

My hope is gone

Stop

We weren't meant to be

Stop

Ican't cry any longer

Stop

Before I lose all of myself

I want an end

An end to the pain

An end to the insecurity and

Worried glances

An end to all you made me believe

I have accomplished

Nothing

Only revealing my weakness

I don't want

Hate

I am tired of waiting

Tired of wanting

Times running out and

Still you are not here

I can't look at you

And feel happiness

Too much pain

Has been caused

Ican't keep believing in you

It's killing my heart

I can't live

Without you

And I hate it

I hate loving you

Ihate meeting you

I hate knowing you

Take it away

Please

I die

Because loneliness is worse than death

Worse than you

Here I lie, crying for you

You will never see

Any of my words

All on you

Created by you

This makes me die

More than anything and so

I put a period

At the end of I love you

Because our love

Our one sided ache

Has ended

And you never knew it began

I am too tired to cry

Strong enough to die

Though it makes no difference

I am sad to say goodbye

Stop. It's over.

---

Never Enough

I know you tried

It is plain on your face

Though you could have lied

You ignored my space

It was nice for a while

The way you held me

Our heavy, forced smile

Didn't hide what I could see

You were never really there

Enjoying my touch

We looked a cute pair

But that didn't mean much

Your heart was too cold

To love me like I did you

Another boy, acting too old

I could have dealt with that, too

I was always too weak

Did you even deserve me

I wonder what it is you seek

When did our 'I's' turn to 'we's'

We made a spectacle of us

Affection was easy to fake

Enough was never enough

How much did you intend to take

At night, I lie awake

Wondering one thing

If this was your mistake

Why do I feel the sting

I'm ready to face my fears

Ready to let go

I held in all my tears

Though it hurt to do so

Do you ever regret

Already you forget

Though we did love, we never really met

Who is that you're with

Reality hits me hard

You are no longer mine

Our journeys left me scarred

This hurt leaves me blind

I have to accept it

We were never really one

We played a game of wit

A game, in which, you've won

I know you tried

That I know for sure

It was enough, I life

But all we needed was more

More, more, and more

To give us what we were searching for

---

CHAOS

Can't control all of yourself

Have you even tried to

A combination of hate, noise and confusion

Only time, time is not on your side

Serenity is lost, like the time

Can all of you be blue, green, red

Hating, trying to find more time

Another palette of intrigue

Over the sea in yellow and gold

Seductive secrets lost in black and white

Color blinded under time

Has time waited for your control

Achingly treacherous is the time

Oasis of the white serenity, begin again

Soon it will end, for you

Can't wait for the close

Hold on to your heart, it is crying

Abandon reason, abandon time

Over what do you rule

Sacred is the color of yourself

Calm before the storm, patience

Heed all the lights, they shine for you

Absolute controls in reach

Obedient becomes gray

Slow start now, calm for the take off

Call out of yourself

Have faith

A dawn of sunset breathes

Only you command the Earth

Show your colors

Control in hand

Hate wields the noise, commotion

Alone you fight

Over is this war, over is the color

Some ending.

---

Suicide

She's the girl who's always watching

Observing without a care

About whether your jeans are

Cute or the style you fixed your hair

She's the one who is so quiet no one

Even tries to bother

Who has dark secrets and holds a

Grudge against her father

She's the one who writes mysterious notes

And listens to hard rock

She's the one who won't give her heart

Away because it has a lock

She's the one who wears the baggy

Clothes and tries to pull them off

And she won't say Excuse You if you sneeze

Or if you cough

She's the girl who doesn't listen or even try to

She's the girl that has no point in life and nothing left to do

She's the one who got the gun and

She's the one who pulled the trigger

Thinking if she did this

She would make herself look bigger

But you're the the one who's crying

And she simply does not know why

You care about the girl, who lived

A life that was a lie.

Summary: story of a girl and her gun.

---

Dream with Me

People say you can control your dreams and what happens in them

But it would seem, I have not reach that level of intellect

I have no say of what I do or what I say and

When I wake up I can remember them in complete detail

I can remember wanting to run and having to stay in place

When my eyes seemed like brick weights as I tried to pull them open

When I said exactly the wrong thing and woke in tears

I often dream of people, people that I see

And they're not like themselves and I am not like me

I dream every night of terror and of my heart

I dream of friends and randomness, of singing and of working

And when a dream truly affects me with tears streaming down my face

I explore the dream in detail

Remembering the time, the who, the place

And always I remember the dreams that seemed so real

When I had no choice in myself but the choice to feel,

I've also dreamt of death with all its misery

Dreamt of being beautiful and the fear it has to offer

But I will never forget the dreams

I always have of him

They haunt the very night as it would seem

Ending without an end

Even when I don't think of him, it has become a trend

Of waking to his laugh, his scowl, his face

Some nights I wake in panic with fear inside my heart

I push away the dream and the thoughts that were so dark

Reminding myself it was only a dream with no reality or truth

That what I saw beneath the dark

Was only from my mind and so I let myself drift away

Waiting for another beginning and when I wake

I push it away

And leave my dreams behind.

---

The Rain Is In My Eye

What emotion stops the glow

Like a rainbow from your eyes

Though the rain has watched it grow

It's alone now

With its trembling, "vulnerable" limbs

Oblivious

Innocent

What emotion stops the glow

The silky night like a glove upon a hand

The stark red sun like a flame upon

Something is lost or taken away

By a word

A glance

A moment

And the flow is caught unaware

Shell shocked

Why

How

Suddenly feels its own presence

Or more-the lack thereof

And everything seems worse now

WHATEVER

I'm not going to care what you decide

You're not my world

My day, my family

Get out of my face, my heart, my mind

You unworthy

Insignificant

Mediocre distraction

My life is more than where you decide

To sit, who you wish to kiss

You don't complete me yet boy

So different

Drives me crazy

In the worse way,

I could go back to life without you and

Survive

I could live without you

Live

And live well

What does it matter how I feel now,

You living as my most recent

Hyped up, fad

I won't want you in an hour

So stop

I just won't allow it

Not a second longer, can I continue

Stepping over the edge

You wouldn't even care

As I tumble to the ground

And I'm laughing at that now

God I'm so fucked up

You are only just a kid,

Agile, male boy with dirt underneath his fingers

You've just lost a pretty, sad thing

And too bad I'm seeing red

Then maybe

I could cry for you, you

Distant

Familiar issue

Maybe it would be for me

Stepping in the rain;

Too bad this couldn't be better

Falling in the lie

Too bad you've made me stronger

Though I'm used to saying goodbye

It's just a little different now

Cause I'm no longer waiting

Waiting for the gap to fill

I have jumped, scar faced across it

And it doesn't feel much better

Quicker maybe

Harder probably

No longer reckless falling, blind

Indistinct

I will be stronger for this

I just wish it could be better

Not these hard thoughts in my head

Just wish I could have fooled myself

Believing that you'd need me

Who are you,

Yound

Hopeless friend

Why should I want you now

I am more

Independent, solid

You're not my world, my life my one

So I'm taking your power away

The power you never even wanted

Never asked for

Never deserved

Cause you don't know how to use it

You Neanderthal

Stupid

Foolish kid

Throwing away a love so reckless, full and true

I could be your everything

But I won't make it a fight, I wont

Chase after you

Mnot a race between two hearts

You aren't worth it I can see,

My broken

Dormant

Lying heart

I'm just trying to create a picture

But I haven't got the will,

So vital in moments like this

I don't want a fight

So I guess you can stop caring, believing that

I want you

It won't be so tomorrow

Then maybe.

We could talk again,

Walk a little walk with me

And you can show me around inside myself

Shine a light on what's so wrong

Why this never works

But for now I'm done with dying

Imperfect, unbalanced

Whole

I don't need this

Holding fast to reason

I won't want you come the morrow

Stop

I'm losing track again

Get out of my fucking head

You vile

Contagious lie

Get out of my fucking mind

Maybe

It will make it easier, I laugh unsteadily

With myself

I hate you

What you've done to me

I hate.

Hate.

Hate your promise

I hate. You

Hating makes it softer

But I know its become a lie

Everything

All we have

I've made it all a lie

I guess that's what I need

To go again my heart

It will make me better….

How did I get so dark

This necessary wound

Unnoticed, mild affliction

Why are we born with such thin skin

I'm feeling more open now

No,

Tired

I am weary

I've lost my drive to try

Maybe

In the morrow

When everything is changed

I will forget these angry thoughts

And have to say hello

It's not easy

Simple

Plain

It's something I must create

Thick skin

Like gravel on the ground

I have to build with an arm so weary

I'm tired of this

Endless

Hurting

I'd just like to enjoy when I feel

I'd just like to enjoy you

You pretty

Unknown boy

There should be time for us

I plead, try, break time

I try

But now it's over

Blood knuckles, bloody nails.

---

UnReality

I'm dreaming

In my own un-reality

I'm ignoring my mind

And relying on hope

You are holding me hard

And I can feel the

Need in your grip

Your mouth is a necessity

I crave

You are waiting to be touched

Allowing me access

To your skin

It is desperation

Making my fingers quiver

I'm pounding hard into hope

Waiting for the fall

I can see your face in my mind

Your eyes touch my skin

And I wait for you to move

Only I do not know your mind

Nor what you hope

You are stolen treasure beneath

My hand

And we were never so

I can hear your voice cry

My name

But I do not hear the words

I am exploring a world of untruths

That I so want to believe

You are frozen in my grasp

Waiting for my next hope, my next command

You would not wish to be here

With my skin

Yet I trap yu in my unreality

Where you will never be free

I pull away my hands

Asking you your hopes

But I do not know your mind

And your eyes tell me

It's time to stop pretending

This lie of a dream

Breaking my heart and maiming my desperation

I look into reality

I watch your hopes fade out

I am not in one of them

It is devastation in a truth

So I close my eyes

Blocking it out

And you want me

Your fingers quiver to touch

My skin

I close my eyes and

Forget that

I'm dreaming

What a Handsome Boy

I know who you wish to be

And it is so curious to watch that tantalizing curve of your lip

It makes me nearly forget

Who you hide beneath your skin

With a charming grin

You hide behind your mask

And when I look to see

There is only malice and deiet

Creeping to your fingertips,

A golden lock falls across your face and I try to gain composure

Knowing that my desire is a wild thing

That is as blind as me

I can not look into your gold flecked eyes

Or I will fall and drown

Into a world that is only danger

Where your mouth is my haven

And all I see is you

Touching, touching, touching me

And when you have had your share

You will not recognize this love

And suddenly

I know; who you are

---

Want

Disfiguring all things of innocence

To how it wishes to be seen

Changing friends to things of hate

So it will seem the victim

Motivating the blood stains on you

Satisfying its own desire

Through you

It wields a power that is unberable

Terrifying and beautiful all at once

Taunting you with its flavor

It is the wind and the rain

Dropping innocent kisses on your skin

We do not protest its influence

For it is the deadly poison

Spreading a virus under our skins

A silent, flesh eating virus

Shoving us to desire

Our delightful worlds of sin.