Thoughts on how to write a musical theory after doing drugs:

Last night I dropped acid and I woke up. I kept listening to music... I shook a mechanical pencil near my ear and made my own.

I didn't remember the pencil was in my hand. It was cheap, picked up at a dollar tree on a boring afternoon when I probably really didn't feel like leaving the house. I was probably feeling miserable inside of a Kroger because money is stressful... I probably stood in the store and stared at the price difference between $3 and $1 mechanical pencils and ended up with this pencil in my hand, in my bed, with this song, today.. for no apparent reason.

I listened. Began to pick up patterns. And wrote them down.

In other words, I was sitting here listening to this song and I started feeling the vibrations of the music in my heart. I became emotional. I began to wonder if certain sounds cause certain parts of the brain to react and knew this to be true in a certain way in some sense because I like taking classes like music theory and so I also really like school. I love to learn... My body reacted to the realization, and I began to shake the pencil beside my ear to calm my nerves.

They sounded the same.

I realized I could take this pencil and put it beside a mic and remake this song if I really wanted too. I could find broken bits and ends, and create a world of my own.

And I realized everything else is like this too.- Just like my friends. And just like the world.

And that's okay haha.

I thought about my memories. Sitting inside a house with a man who's attic reeked of forgotten dreams but looked beautiful to me. Flipping through a magazine and a lost image of his face. I asked you what home felt like and you told me it was right in front of me. You asked me to let go. I thought about my goals and I compared them to my mistakes... So I wrote them down to create a better future. For what we see/act/and think creates US.

And I want to be EVERYTHING that I am.

What I gathered from this thought process...is that...

You could record something as simple as a mechanical pencil beside a mic with a screen and make a song as beautiful as this.

Even if it's a cheap pencil. Or it's not the best pencil. And it didn't really do anything to deserve the attention it's getting but it does. I want to give it attention.

I care to care. About music, about others, about myself. To use music as a vehicle to spread this message and help others become happy too. And I admire the people who are successful at that... I want to be like that too.

I am grateful for the people who are teaching me to lead by example.

I LOVE you.

That's my message, and always was.

(Sidenote: I really like Deadmau5. I found him on netflix when netflix was lame (HIPSTER ALERT lol) and listened to the Meowington Hax Tour movie over and over on the floor in my living room whenever I felt alone or sad.

I'm putting this on public because I want everyone to know about Deadmau5 and music...and me. I'll admit it lol. And maybe that makes me stupid.

When I hear the word ego...I think instead... "elevated self". I think about Justin Bieber lifting off of a stage with lights, wearing white. And maybe that makes me really, really dumb haha.

But does that really make me an asshole?

What's with all this doubt brooooooo?

GUESS WE'LL FIND OUT!