Chapter 1: First Flame

It was all over, our world was destroyed by a foul darkness. A distance that we could not overcome. My Valacus was destroyed and there is no going back now. Where has my life gone? Where do I go now? The feelings are gone, but you still remain. I am glad that you are still here, a friend to call my own when things get too dark. I can't believe something like this could happen again, how did it change so much? I've only ever wanted a close love, but it faded. My Valacus is gone, yet still there.

I remember when I was young, at grandma's place before moving into the main home. I watched a candle flame flicker about. Life was going to get rough, it was going to be fun and it was going to be heartbreaking. This is where it all started. Things were simpler, I didn't have to worry about having a heart broken, worry about money or a stupid job. We still have those moments on tape. Playing with the giant ball and throwing it at grandma. I loved my plastic bowling set, and missing the pins every time. I should watch that again sometime. Mother would come and get me after the visit, but I didn't want to go. Grandma's place was always a safe sanctuary. Every Saturday we would go and it would be the best time ever. Watching YTV before we leave to go. Uh-Oh and Video & Arcade Top 10 would be on. But things change and things just get worse. I hate life now, I hate that there is no more friends and the only friend I have is so far away. I only ever see the cousins at a family event now, because the world is becoming selfish, thanks to technology and the crippling mental status that comes with it. Minds decay into babbling primitive sheep, who only care for their phones. Anyways, the search still continues. Many years gone by and now I am back at the start again, searching an empty world, for an empty pipe dream that will probably never come true. Where do I start?

I didn't know what else to do, or where to go. How was I suppose to find anyone in this world if I didn't know they were like me? It was too hard and too embarrassing. All those walks years ago lead to nothing and I never met anyone at a group or a job, so this was my only last resort. I didn't understand how to go about doing anything. I wandered the Sims of Second Life, looking for anyone to talk to. But, all I came upon were places filled with lust, sex and naked guys. Giant dick statues just plastered all over the place, as if that's the only thing they cared about. Even in a virtual space, it was corrupt to no end! My avatar was a ghost boy, symbolizing me being invisible like everywhere else.

I came upon this one place, Boystown. It seemed like an alright place. I don't mind a few rainbow flags, it just means it's a safe place where you can find people like yourself is all. I just wish these people would actually go by what it really stands for, but they do not. This isn't love, it's lust. As I walked down the streets, my Kraftie following me by my side, I took in all the scenery. The place was well built, littered with random buildings to fill the space. A small section in the center of the street had a food stand and some tables and chairs to sit at. I took a seat at one of the tables, just looking around. There were a few guys around, but none of them noticed me, just only caring about their own world and life. Don't even greet me or anything, like I truly am invisible. What's the point in coming to this place if all they do is just stand around? I mean, I've greeted a few people, but got nothing out of them. None of them seemed interested. Most of the guys just walked around naked and most of the places for people like us are adult oriented. Like I said, just lust and sex is all they care about. There is no love in these places, this is what people choose to be.

I got up and walked around a bit, until I came to this large grey building. Two rainbow flags stood outside on each side of the entrance. I made my way up inside the building. There was a bath area to the left and stairs leading up and down at the back of the lobby. Pictures of intimate guys hung on the walls, their plastic bodies lumped together like heartless mannequins posed just for show. I went downstairs to a club/bar area. It was crowded with naked and shirtless guys. Nobody was talking at all, probably busy in instant messages just lusting about. At the back was one guy in a shower dancing naked. They were truly just mannequins standing about just doing nothing. I said "Hey." But got no response, nothing. I felt like I didn't belong in this horrible place. This is the only thing that gay people do with their life. Do none of them want a real love or connection? There was no other kind of place to go, this was it. I just stood there waiting for something to happen. I slowly made my way to the center of the club to get noticed, maybe I was out of chat range. I said "Hiya." again, but still nothing. Just a few bum slap gestures, that was about it. I even changed my look into my pink outfit, with jeans and a jacket that showed my chest. Was that the kind of thing they only wanted? Still, I got nothing. I didn't want that kind of attention anyways. I felt so disappointed and lost, even if I was into this sort of thing, everyone already had their friends and I would be left out anyways. I should have got my weapons out and started smashing them all. One by one they would fall, cut their tools off and then they would have to grow a heart then wouldn't they? I've had enough of this place and went to a place called Boytopia next.

I rezzed myself into a beach, just outside the main building. It was a nice place from the outside, but on the inside was plastered with pictures of guys just fucking around. This was also a place I did not belong. I opened the door, but then stayed outside on the beach and sat on a bench next to a naked guy who was really just a bot. I sat on the bench for a few moments, until a few guys came into the Sim. They were shirtless, with black leather pants, the stereotypical deviant outfit. I tried to be as nice as I could, to see what they were like. "Hello." I said. "Welcome" They replied. I talked about how lonely I was and I was simply looking for love. They were friendly enough and seemed like decent people. But still, this dark lifestyle they lived just clouds that. They made their way inside the building as I just stayed on the bench, not wanting to speak any further or go inside. Kindness doesn't justify the way that these kind of people are. This is not love, this is lust and I've had enough of being surrounded by this kind of bullshit, feeling left out and not belonging.

I stood up off the bench as I smiled and looked towards the water at the beach area. A guy had just rezzed in. Wearing a red tank top, shorts and had medium black hair. I formed into a reaper, with a black cloak, a scythe and a skull for a head. I pointed at the guy with a skeletal hand. The plastic avatar just stood there, clueless as to what was about to happen. The power I felt surged through the virtual space, able to infect and affect others computers. I floated towards him, my black cloak swaying in the simulated wind. He turned my way, just as I lifted my scythe in the air. A smile went across my face as confusion hit this random guy. One strike, I swung downward, cutting through his chest. The top half of his mesh body slumped to the ground, twitching for a moment then goes lifeless. Simulated blood spewed across the sand. His legs fell backwards then disappeared off the grid. His computer shut down as his account was deleted. I would do the same to anyone else that had entered the area, but for now, I entered the forbidden building, with lusting pictures on the walls. Dicks pulsing into naked bodies, over and over. This is not what it means to be gay, just bodies of mindless primitive breeding. There is so heart here, only dehumanizing pointless motions.

The two of them were just standing there in the center of the room. Couches and other furniture were placed around. "Hello." They said. I simply ignored them and approached them, hovering in front of them. "Nice avatar." One of them said. "Fuck off deviant." I said, just as I swiped one of them with my Scythe. His body cut in two and soon he was derezzed from the grid, his avatar turning grey and vanished. "The fuck?" The other guy said. "He and his account are no longer, deviant." I said, laughing. He tried to ban me from the Sim, but the option wasn't there. He was confused, still trying to do something to get rid of me. Ejecting, freezing, nothing worked on me. "I have dealt with you people long enough and I won't let your lust ruin the hearts of good people like me. You give a bad name to love everywhere, queer!" I shouted. I pointed a boney finger at him as his avatar shot across the room and slammed into a picture of two guys fucking. The picture glitched into many colors, then faded out into a grey space. His body twitched and deformed into random positions. He couldn't move anymore and eventually derezzed into a grey model then logged off. I looked around the room and was disgusted at all the lust and pictures on the walls. I flew out of the building and up into the virtual skies. Other Sims surrounded the grid, with the water on the outside. I let my scythe hover in front of me as I put my hands at my side. The scythe spun around, creating a dark energy around me. My skeleton fingers extended outwards as I cast a dark spell across the virtual land. A shadow loomed over the grid, covering it in a pitch black fog. Soon, each of the buildings derezzed to grey then vanished. One by one each tree, object, building and anyone below was derezzed into nothingness. Soon my shadow would cover the whole of Second Life. I've had enough of this empty place, if I was to not belong, then there would be nothing for anyone else. Nothing but an endless void in the virtual space...

A black hole emerged from the center of the shadowy fog. It swirled with a darkness that only I could appreciate. This was a place that I belonged, into a dark space with only pain and sorrow. It sucked me in, my black robe stretching out as it was pulled into the dark portal. Where was I going to go now? This world was ending, into this strange void. As soon as my skull entered the void, I found myself in a bright garden. Flowers and grass opened up in front of me, beside a stone walkway leading to a nice looking cottage in the back. This place was surrounded by a stone wall, with large doors at each end of the path on the side. This place seemed oddly scary. But, I wasn't in a virtual space anymore. This was more like a place inside my mind. I slowly walked down the path, admiring the flowers along the sides. I looked up to see some trees, as the Sun shined onto my face. It was warm, but I couldn't feel the light. I made my way towards the cottage and saw a white cupcake on the ground. I bent over to pick it up, but my fingers were tricked by it's plastic exterior. It wasn't a real cupcake, but a fake toy version. It reminded me of a toy I once had when I was young. I miss those days.

As I looked up, I was greeted with a bloody white face looking at me. I fell backwards on the stone path, startled by this horrific figure standing in front of me. It was a male with blood dripping down it's face onto himself, wielding a small hammer. It just stood there, looking at me with empty white eyes. The look that every guy gives me when I try to make eye contact. Just emptiness and a judgemental stare. I frowned as a tear came to my eye. He started walking towards me, his body jittery as he moved. I stood up quick and backed away, my heart racing from the fear and excitement. Now was my chance to fight back. I knew this world had to be Bloodhallow, a world filled with horror and things that I love, like Halloween. I've been in this world before, I built part of this world in my mind. And now it was time to get out and stop these demons in my head. I could almost hear Silent Hill music playing in my head. I charged at him, running forward as fast as I could. He raised his hammer, just as I leaped and gave him a good swift jump kick to the chest, knocking him backwards and dropping his hammer on to the grass. My feet hit the ground at that moment, then looked towards the hammer. The bloody guy struggled to get back up, so I took the hammer and jumped towards him pinning his chest against the stone path with my foot. He gave out a moan, as I dug my foot into him then raised the hammer with a tearful frown on my face. I was tired and just wanted to go home and rest. I swung the hammer down, crushing his skull as blood splashed everywhere and on my leg. I let go of the hammer, still sticking out of it's head. I let out a heavy sigh and coughed as I took my foot away and fell onto the soft grass beneath a tree. I just sat there in the shade of the tree, still looking at the dead guy to make sure he doesn't move anymore."Bloody hell." I said. He was dead...

The grass was soft enough to lay on, so I took a nice rest under the tree and fell into a dream. I dreamed of love again. This nice boy from school I knew, Robbie. It was always a random guy that I am never thinking of, I don't know why. Perhaps my mind just rushes to somewhere to find love in all sorts of places that I want so bad, no matter who it is. Sometimes it makes me confused, and sad, and really frustrated. The dreams are always so nice, the perfect way to meet someone and have fun with, and it's always so pure. No sex, just a pure feeling that I want to feel for real. Then I wake up and I cry, it was never real. I know it never will be. Just an empty bed full of tears and sorrow. Back to the selfish reality that is life, everyone going their own path and leaving me behind...