Author comments: Just a sweet secret admirer letter. Don't mind the silly grammar where I try to sound fancy.

Dear boy next door,

I don't think I have to say, I hope you remember me. Because I'm sure you do. The girl who took the extra efforts to make your quiet life a little miserable. Not on purpose of course. They were the missed attempts of trying to befriend you that ended up looking more like a nuisance. I have to say that the only reason you caught my eye is because of a close resemblance to a favorite singer. But your reserved nature was an added allure. I, along with others I'm sure, were curious as to what gems you were hiding away in that silence. What your favorite food was, what your hobbies are, what your talents are, and what your dreams are. I wanted to know if you were at all how I imagined you to be. In this obsession to know who you are, a sort of one way bond developed.

Whether you ever felt that warmth I felt whenever we were in each other's vicinity, I know not. But I can say for sure, that your presence lit up my day no matter how bad it was. Life is hard for everyone. I'm no exception. It is in the little things that I find joy and you were one of them. Actually, you were many of the little joys I took with me from my few years in college. Whether you knew or not, you made a big difference in my life. In times that felt really dark for absolutely no reason, you were a light that woke me up every morning. That made me smile at least once a day. That constantly reminded me that I wasn't empty inside. You were the source to many memories that I can smile back to in times of a need for positivity. The source for my many creative poems and songs. Pure, genuinely happy emotions. Who can say they had moments in life they experienced with all their heart? Not many. But I am one of the lucky few.

I cannot thank you enough for your presence and for having met you. For the amount that I gleaned out of our one-way relationship, I hoped to one day give back to you. I hoped we could one day meet out of coincidence and begin a friendship that you could trust and rely on. It might be too much to ask for, but wishful thinking is not a crime. Whether my feelings for you went farther than an imagined relationship or not I cannot say, but a friendship I did yearn for. I believed truly that there was much that I was losing by not knowing you and learning from you. The knowledge I speak of is like the water from a creek that can only be found in one place. A kind of lesson you will get from no other person, because you are unique.

I write this to you with three purposes. To thank, to apologize, and to hope this will be a source of happiness for you one day. I have thanked you, already. As for the apology—it is for the nuisance I caused in the name of trying to befriend you. As a reserved individual myself, I know the pains of socialization. Yet, I was occasionally persistent and may have left you feeling uncomfortable. If ever you felt you were the subject of a joke, I hope you understand the target was I, not you. For gathering the courage and losing my voice in time to say "hello", for pretending to ignore you when in reality all I wanted was to talk, and for finding the smallest excuses to come see you… I was the reason for those quiet—perhaps not so quiet sometimes—giggles behind your back. I can only imagine the million thoughts that would race in my head if I were in you position. For causing such a disturbance, I am deeply sorry. That was not what I nor my friends intended, but I understand it may have been a byproduct of our immature actions.

Lastly, I do not think you lack in self-esteem. But if you ever come across a time in your present or future when you doubt yourself or wish to change yourself for the sake of society, I hope this letter deters you from doing so. I hope you understand that behind my words lies a great deal of respect and admiration for you. Who you truly are, I hope to one day know and respect. But even without such knowledge, I developed a deep admiration for the way you carry yourself and showing confidence in the solitary lifestyle you chose. You were a source of strength for me, whom you did not really know. I can only imagine how much more change you are capable of bringing into the lives of those you cherish. A cliched saying but classic and always applicable to the pearls in our world—do not change who you are. Be yourself and only grow to show your potential. To show this shallow world that you do not have to be a certain way to be successful, happy, and content.

Thank you for making it this far in my sappy letter.


Your Annoying Admirer