The truth is that i wish
to be an early bird.
And every day
round about noon
when my brain finally kicks in
I swear that tonight I will be asleep by 9.

Then at 6 my family comes home
at 7 we're laughing about something stupid
at 8 I press pause for dinner
at 9 I just have to finish that episode
at 10 I growl and force myself toward my toothbrush, my pjs
at 11 I lie, staring at the stars above my bed
at 12 I lie, staring at the red alarm clock
at 1 I lie, staring into the void behind my eyelashes
at 1:30 I go pee
at 2 I get water
by 3 I drift into the darkness.

at 6 my alarm clock sounds
at 6:01 I hit snooze
at 6:30 I hit snooze
at 7 I hit snooze
I hit snooze
I hit snooze.

10:50 and I drag myself from bed
dislodging the cat
I stagger down the stairs and put on the kettle
at 11 I brew the coffee double strong
at 11:15 I add to much sugar and sigh.
at 11:30 it's gone and I don't remember what it tasted like.
I sit staring at my cell phone until the caffeine seeps into my bloodstream
and swear to myself that tonight I will be in bed by 9
That tomorrow
I will go out on the roof and watch the sunrise
I will go to the coffee shop before the rush and write
I will go to the gym and swim by myself.