people keep telling me to
"read the room"
they keep trying to make me understand
and i might be bilingual
but i can't read 'the room' or speak 'body' language
i can understand faces
if they're really obvious
(and, on tv, have musical cues)
people who can have conversations with
just glancing at people
seeing little quirks
too fast to catch-
it's like watching someone
grab a handful of dirt,
and pull out a tiny blue gemstone
i can't understand how people do it,
and they can't understand how i can't.
going through the world,
and watching other people's faces-
trying to magnify their expressions,
trying to figure out what their voice means-
it's like trying to read a biology textbook
written in hieroglyphics.
everyone else learned to read hieroglyphics when they were little-
they're better at hieroglyphics than they are english,
but i never learned hieroglyphics.
i'm trying to understand what they mean,
trying to match
while everyone else is passing notes.
i've seen cheat sheets-
i've used a handy hieroglyphic-to-english poster
with bird-snake-human written under a cartoony face
but it's really hard understanding people
when their faces don't match up
to the flashcards.
and there's more hieroglyphics
than there are english words.
i can't understand
any of the faces that people make,
and people tell me that
there's something wrong with me,
but i don't feel wrong.
i just didn't learn the same alphabet
everyone else did.