'PILOT'

EXT. HOTEL ZOMBIE – NIGHT

INT. 13TH FLOOR – BALLROOM - NIGHT

A huge party takes place with all the hotel guests and residents. JA JAMES appears on stage.

JA JAMES, voguing instructor and dancer, 20s, gay.

JA JAMES

Give it up for the three blind mice, ladies and gentlemen

Dancers walk off stage

(Laughter)

JA JAMES

Okay, okay, settle down. Coming up to the stage, the legend, the one, the only… Miss Cotton Candy!

(Applause)

Stage goes dark, glamorous set design comes forth. COTTON CANDY laid down on a large prop.

COTTON CANDY, Drag Queen, late 30s, old Hollywood fanatic.

I feel love by Donna Summers starts playing. performance ends successfully.

JA JAMES

Oh my god! This is what we call a performance, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you, Miss Cotton Candy. Now, the clock says twelve and I say let's have a ball! Clear the floor. Clear the floor I say!

Contenders line up, the floor is cleared for the show.

JA JAMES

Music!

Phone RINGS – BIGGIE BIGGIE answers

BIGGIE BIGGIE, Black woman, rapper, 30s.

BIGGIE

Talk to me

VOICE

(over the phone)

She's coming…

BIGGIE BIGGIE hangs up and goes to the emergency exit staircase.

INT. LOBBY – FRONT DESK - NIGHT

Lobby is empty and dimly lit. Biggie goes to the front desk.

BIGGIE

Move

Concierge runs, scared. BIGGIE BIGGIE grabs the telephone and dials.

BIGGIE

She's on her way. Shut it down.

VOICE

(over the phone)

Roger that.

She hangs up the phone and goes to the back to pull the electric switch. Lobby lights up.

BIGGIE

Party's over!

(yells)

BIGGIE BIGGIE hits the fire alarm.

INT. 13th FLOOR – BALLROOM - NIGHT

The party goes into chaos as everything shuts down and everyone removes all evidence of a party.

JA JAMES

The boss is coming, clear it up!

EXT. HOTEL ENTRANCE – NIGHT

DOORMAN opens the door, MADONNA gets out, walking to the entrance.

MADONNA, mid 40s, in charge of hotel.

INT. FROM THE FIRST FLOOR TO THE LAST - NIGHT

Everyone is chaotic, removing decorations. Hotel residents wiping away their makeup, revealing their pale eaten-away zombie skin. Ja James running backstage, shoving costumes into the storage room.

INT. LOBBY - NIGHT

BIGGIE BIGGIE eyes MADONNA almost making her way inside and shuts off the fire alarm. MADONNA enters, ignoring BIGGIE BIGGIE.

BIGGIE

Welcome back, mother.

MADONNA heads to the elevators.

INT. 34TH FLOOR – MADONNA'S PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT

She sits at her desk, overlooking the city. Dialing her machine, JA JAMES picks up, out of breath.

JA JAMES

Hello mother I –

MADONNA

Cut the bullshit James. Come up to my suite… now!

INT. MADONNA'S PRESIDENTIAL SUITE – MINUTES LATER - NIGHT

JA JAMES gets off the elevator, pretending nothing has happened, although people are still rummaging downstairs to clear things up.

JA JAMES

(excited)

Mother! It's so good to have you back! Boy, this past week has been nothing but dull without you.

MADONNA lights a cigarette. JA JAMES approaches her desk. She stares at him, knowing what's going on downstairs.

JA JAMES

You wanted to see me, mother?

MADONNA

I'm moved by the notion that this place seems to be dull without me, yet you still managed to pull a party…

JA JAMES

party? –

MADONNA

Tell that to your almost convincing human-like makeup that you forgot to remove.

JA JAYMES swipes his finger across his face, leaving a trail of pale green skin to be revealed. MADONNA smiled and blew out smoke directly at him.

JA JAMES

I'm sorry mother, but we haven't had fun in a long ass time in this place! Now if we are to face punishment, I am to be held responsible, it was completely my idea. I shouldn't have watched Paris Is Burning the night you left.

MADONNA

You know my no-party policy in this hotel… the guests…

JA JAMES suddenly feeling guilty that the guests might have found out about the hotel's zombie inhabitants.

JA JAMES

I'm sorry mother, I truly am!

MADONNA

Enough! Your stupid Paris Is Burning fantasy almost had our food guessing. You know what happens when they start guessing.

JA JAMES

Yes…

MADONNA

(inhaling and blowing)

Now, although your fantasies might have compromised us, you weren't completely wrong. A parade or ball or whatever it was you all were doing, was just the morale booster my children needed after years of doing nothing.

JA JAMES

What are you suggesting mother?

MADONNA

The New Yorker Hotel Vampires are gaining all the night life attraction, with the control of Rebecca, of course. That's unacceptable! Not with my level of prestige…

JA JAMES sits.

JA JAMES

So, you want us to be in competition with her?

MADONNA

I wouldn't call it a competition if I knew I'll be winning.

JA JAMES snaps his fingers.

MADONNA

Since you're the ex-voguer and ball host… I need you to come up with something that'll shake up the undead night life.

JA JAMES is taken aback, trying to comprehend what he just heard.

JA JAMES

So just so things are clear… you're –

MADONNA

(blowing smoke)

I am giving you permission to break my number one rule…

JA JAMES gasps dramatically.

MADONNA

Turn this motherfucker into party central.

They both smile slyly.

INT. 23RD FLOOR – HALLWAY – DAY

HOTEL GUEST 1 opens the door, coming face to face with NANA.

NANA, Housekeeper at hotel zombie, mid 60s, overweight.

HOTEL GUEST 1

(French accent)

Excuse me, are the phones working? I am trying to order room service. Can you help me?

NANA pauses and does not make eye contact with HOTEL GUEST 1.

NANA

We do not serve food here.

NANA continues moving with her cart. HOTEL GUEST 1 exits the room and follows NANA.

HOTEL GUEST 1

But – the menu in our room…

NANA carries on strolling.

NANA

That menu isn't for you…

INT. 23RD FLOOR – ROOM 2307 – DAY

HOTEL GUEST 1 faces HOTEL GUEST 2.

HOTEL GUEST 2

(in French)

So? Are we going to eat breakfast or what?

HOTEL GUEST 1

(in French)

The house keeper said they don't serve…

HOTEL GUEST 2

Then why would they leave a menu?

HOTEL GUEST 1 shrugs.

INT. 23RD FLOOR – ROOM 2307 – HALF AN HOUR LATER – DAY

Knock on the door. HOTEL GUEST 1 ANSWERS.

EXT. 23RD FLOOR – HALLWAY – DAY

HOTEL GUEST 1

Yes?

NANA

We are having a breakfast buffet on floor forty-three. From eight to nine.

HOTEL GUEST 1

Wait, so only one hour?!

NANA

That's the only amount of time you'll need.

NANA walks off, expressionless.

INT. 23RD FLOOR – ROOM 2307 – DAY

HOTEL GUEST 2

Who was it?

HOTEL GUEST 1

Well, looks like they have a breakfast buffet on floor forty-three. Apparently its only available for one hour.

HOTEL GUEST 2

This place is weird…

HOTEL GUEST 1

Tell me about it. Well, it's better than nothing, we'll be out of here by tomorrow.

HOTEL GUEST 2

Let's go, it's almost eight.

INT. 43RD FLOOR – DINING HALL – MINUTES LATER – DAY

Most of the hotel guests gathered and choosing their plates. Zombie inhabitants are made up to look human, acting as waiters. BIGGIE BIGGIE is at the door, checking everyone in.

BIGGIE

Room number, sweetie?

HOUSE GUEST 1 HOUSE GUEST 2

ROOM 2307

BIGGIE checks the book.

BIGGIE

Just the two Frenchies then?

HOTEL GUEST 1 and HOTEL GUEST 2 look at her, offended. Then walk off to their table.

HOTEL GUEST 2

Look, look (Pointing at one of the waiter's limp).

HOTEL GUEST 1

(Giggles) this place keeps getting weirder by the second.

JA JAMES pops up behind them. Causing them to jump.

JA JAMES

Trust me, it gets weirder… I've been here long enough.

HOTEL GUEST 1 and HOTEL GUEST 2 nod and smile.

Once everyone was seated, the doors at the back of the room opened. MADONNA with the rest of the zombies, concealed in human makeup stand behind her.

MADONNA

Dear guests, my name is Madonna… hotel manager, owner and everything of that sort. On behalf of my trusted staff, I do hope you've had a pleasant stay with us. (Looks at her watch). Oh, the clock reads nine… time to eat.

HOTEL GUEST 3

But we just did…

MADONNA

Oh, I wasn't talking about to you.

MADONNA snaps her fingers. The staff start attacking the guests and ripping their flesh out, leaving the dining hall into a bloodbath. Once the humans were all dead, the staff moved aside, leaving a trail for MADONNA to walk in.

BIGGIE

Mother… is there anyone specific you'd like to keep?

MADONNA scans the faces of the dead bodies. She pauses at HOTEL GUEST 2's body.

MADONNA

Hmm… who's that, Biggie?

BIGGIE

(Quickly scanning through the list of names) Bale, French, loves to work out by the looks of it. Over there is his girlfriend. (Pointing at HOTEL GUEST 1).

MADONNA

Bale you say… well he's a handsome one. Would be a shame to let all that good eye candy go to waste. We'll call him Hot Christian Bale from now on.

JA JAMES giggling like a little girl in the background.

MADONNA

What a pity. More than fifty guests and only one meets the measure. Bring him to me, the rest you can have.

One of the staff pulls HOT CHRISTAIN BALE and follows MADONNA as she walks out of the dining hall. Leaving the rest of the zombies to feed on the bodies.

FADE OUT.

EXT. HOTEL ZOMBIE – DAY

FADE TO:

INT. 9TH FLOOR – ROOM 901 – DAY

JA JAMES smoking a cigarette, sitting at the desk and thinking deeply. HOT CHRISTAIN BALE sitting behind him on the bed, confused and scared.

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE

(French accent)

What happened to me? Tell me, I want to know!

JA JAMES slowly inhaling his cigarette. Taking his time, he turns back.

JA JAMES

What does thine want to know? Say it and thou shall spill the tea. (Laughing)

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE

Where is Sarine, and what has this awful woman done to my face?

JA JAMES

Sweetie, it's not just your face. But, now that you mention it, it seems only right that you must know the rules of this fine establishment. Follow me.

JA JAMES gets up and leaves the room. HOT CHRISTAIN BALE follows.

INT. 9TH FLOOR – HALLWAY - DAY

JA JAMES

This place, is Hotel Zombie. Finest and fiercest of all hotels in NYC. This woman you saw, runs this whole place. Her name is Madonna but you may only refer to her as mother. Oh, and to human eyes, this hotel shows up as hotel Mozbie. Over here, is my floor, the ninth.

FADE TO:

INT. ELEVATOR – DAY

JA JAMES

We are staff here. Us, zombies. You're one of us now.

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE

How did I become like this! I don't want to be dead.

JA JAMES

(Laughing)

Sweetie, you're part of the elite now. The best of the best!

FADE TO:

INT. LOBBY – DAY

JA JAMES

At the front desk is Biggie Biggie. She's a tough cookie, so beware. When she's not at the front desk, some wuss or one of her… minions will take her place. There are rumors that she runs a secret gang, which obviously isn't allowed. I personally choose to believe this rumor since she was a gang leader in the nineties.

BIGGIE looks up then files her nails. HOT CHRISTAIN BALE is scared of her.

JA JAMES

It is extremely important that you have your human getup at all times during the day. Since you just turned, you won't have to worry about that for a little while. You see those doors right there? (Pointing at the entrance doors) You are never, ever allowed to leave unless with mother's permission.

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE

What? How long will that be?

JA JAMES

I've been here for YEARS… I've only gone out once.

FADE TO:

INT. 13TH FLOOR – BALLROOM – BACKSTAGE – DAY

They both stand next to COTTON CANDY who is putting on her makeup.

COTTON CANDY

Mother leaves for errands we don't know of every two weeks. When she does, I give a show. This floor, this very ballroom is mine.

JA JAMES

She used to work in the New York drag scene. A legend.

COTTON CANDY

Mhmm. If you need a helping hand once your face starts falling apart, you come to me darling and I'll fix you up.

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE felt his face.

COTTON CANDY

(Whispers)

If I were you, don't try anything with my girls. Not that I'm over protective, I really don't give a damn. But they are thirsty motherfuckers and will swallow you whole if you give them a chance.

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE

Girls?

JA JAMES

The dancers.

JA JAMES and COTTON CANDY look at each other and laugh.

FADE TO:

INT. 28TH FLOOR – HALLWAY – DAY

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE

What is the purpose of all this? I don't understand.

JA JAMES pauses in front on room 000.

JA JAMES

You've obviously never heard of the Undead Nightlife? How could you… duh! Anyways, we aren't the only undead people around here, there are more. Zombies, vampires' ghosts and god knows what else. We are in competition with one another.

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE

Competition for what?

JA JAMES

On who becomes the fiercest of all! The best in town! Mother has been number one for YEARS! Until that deviled bitch came along…

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE

Who…?

JA JAMES

(Whispering)

We do not mention the name in front of mother… her name is Rebecca Tempesta. She's the leader of the vampires down at the New Yorker – The Bloody Crypt, I mean. Anyways, to hell with that bitch. You can never enter this room. EVER!

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE jumps.

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE

Why…?

JA JAMES

This is the one question I cannot answer. Come.

FADE TO:

INT. 9TH FLOOR – ROOM 901 – DAY

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE

What about my girlfriend? What happens to her?

JA JAMES sighs.

JA JAMES

Christian…

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE

That's not my name!

BIGGIE BIGGIE is standing by the opened door.

BIGGIE

But it is now.

JA JAMES and HOT CHRISTAIN BALE are startled.

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE

Big- Biggie…

BIGGIE

What mother gives you, you take. Your girlfriend… I'm afraid she didn't make the cut.

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE

What do you mean?

BIGGIE

She's dead, damn it.

JA JAMES

Not as in dead like us, but actually dead.

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE is taken aback.

HOT CHRISTIAN BALE

I want her to be brought. Like me.

BIGGIE walks inside.

BIGGIE

Too bad you don't get to make that choice. None of us do. You don't get it. Out of all the people here, mother chose you. You. She saw something in you that she didn't in the rest of them. You have something special. Fucking own it, Christian.

HOT CHRISTAIN BALE looks down, thinking.

JA JAMES

Exactly. You've been blessed… by the best.

BIGGIE BIGGIE and JA JAMES look at HOT CHRISTAIN BALE.

HOT CHRISTIAN BALE

So… I should be thankful.

BIGGIE

You bet your French ass you should.

HOT CHRISTIAN BALE finally looks up at both of them.

JA JAMES

That's why we all devote ourselves for her. She gave us a second chance.

At that moment HOT CHRISTIAN BALE realized that he too, is devoted to MADONNA. His savior.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

EXT. NYC – SIDEWALK – DAY

COTTON CANDY and MISS QUEEN walking quickly, dressed in showgirls' outfits. People stare.

MISS QUEEN, pole dancer, bimbo, part of COTTON CANDY'S showgirl sisterhood.

COTTON CANDY

Honey, you have no idea how fine that man was. I need to taste that fresh boy one day.

MISS QUEEN

Go get him babes. I mean he should come to you, but whatever floats your boat, girl.

COTTON CANDY

Oh… there it is…

MISS QUEEN

What?!

COTTON CANDY points at THE BLOODY CRYPT.

COTTON CANDY

I wonder what shit is going on in there…

MISS QUEEN

Probably her vampire bitches kissing her ass. If only I could go in and show her what's good…

COTTON CANDY nods.

FADE IN:

EXT. NYC – STARBUCKS – LATER THAT DAY

FADE TO:

INT. STARBUCKS – DAY

COTTON CANDY and MISS QUEEN are waiting for their order. They are whispering as they speak.

MISS QUEEN

Have you read this shit about the Satanic cult that's going on?

COTTON CANDY

I ain't got time for that shit. Ever since you stole that MacBook, you been acting crazy.

MISS QUEEN

(Tuts)

I'm serious. There's this underground movement that's happening in twitter right now where people sell their souls to the devil and then he just gives them whatever the fuck they want.

COTTON CANDY

Really? Is that what you do all day?

MISS QUEEN giggles, indicating she does more than just twitter on her MacBook.

MISS QUEEN

Just between you and I, I think it's kind of cool.

COTTON CANDY grabs her by her arm.

COTTON CANDY

Your soul is already sold… to mother! Don't fuck it up for yourself just because you read something on the shitty internet.

BARISTA

Order for… Miss Queen and Cotton Candy?

COTTON CANDY

(Whispering)

Besides, what would Satan want with your soul… your dead!

COTTON CANDY grabs the orders and grabs a table. MISS QUEEN feeling her arm, the makeup has been scraped from COTTON CANDY'S grip. She heads to the restroom.

INT. STARBUCKS – WOMENS RESTROOM – DAY

MISS QUEEN applies makeup on her arm and then stares at herself in the mirror. The last woman in the bathroom leaves. MISS QUEEN IS ALONE.

MALE VOICE

Don't listen to her.

MISS QUEEN is startled.

MISS QUEEN

Excuse me?

MALE VOICE

I'm sorry, didn't mean to be rude. I just couldn't help but overhear your interesting conversation about the lord…

MISS QUEEN checks the bathroom doors and no one is there. She looks around.

MISS QUEEN

What are you? What lord?

MALE VOICE

Satan of course!

MISS QUEEN

That wasn't for real. Just something I saw on twitter. And whatever you are… stop following me.

MISS QUEEN packs her purse and leaves.

MALE VOICE

He has chosen.

FADE TO:

INT. NYC – STARBUCKS – DAY

COTTON CANDY

About time, what took you so long? Shifts almost over.

MISS QUEEN

Can't a pretty girl take a shit once in a while?

FADE OUT.