Maybe it's all part and parcel of being an Eldritch Abomination, but I honestly, genuinely, don't understand our kind at all! I mean, granted, every EA is different, and thusly has different motives, but even for chaotic and unknowable beings such as ourselves, I still don't think that we make any sense at all! It seems as if most of us enjoy tormenting humanity, but why? Is it fun? Is it for power or control? And why humans? Why Earth? We are Eldritch Abominations! You think we would be able to find more worthy and entertaining opponents.

Oh, don't give me that look! You should be thanking me. Unless you want the other, less friendly, EAs to come after you? Yeah, didn't think so. So again, you should be grateful that I'm trying to keep them at bay. If I didn't, you'd have a lot more mind-bending chaos to deal with, and give how crappy your previous year was, I don't think you want that. Besides, I have a point. I don't quite get why omnipotent beings such as ourselves seem so fixated upon Earth and humanity. You'd think that creatures like us would have a much wider range of potential victims.

Oh, why am I doing this? Well, I may be an EA, but that doesn't automatically make me some human-hungry monster! And, like I said at the beginning of our conversation, I don't exactly understand our kind at all. That even applies to me! Yeah, believe it or not, but some of us can even confound ourselves. Even we EAs don't always know why we do what we do. We truly are unknowable.

It's just that I, personally, never saw the fun in tormenting humans. Sure, maybe it's interesting and slightly amusing to see all the ways in which a mind can bend and twist and break, but it gets old after a few eons. It's the same thing every time. There's only so many ways to torture a human, because even if the torture itself can be new and interesting, the end result is always the same.

So, unlike most of my fellow EAs, I never saw the point in tormenting humans. On the contrary, I actually find it more interesting to help humans! Yeah, that's right, you heard me. I'm like your friendly neighborhood Eldritch! Rather than scaring you guys to pieces and watch your minds literally shatter like glass, I find it more entertaining to aid and assist you.

You really haven't known fun until you were able to surprise someone with an unexpected and generous gift. Sometimes I like to just make money appear out of thin air. People go down to the kitchen in the morning for breakfast and BAM! A fat check sitting on the counter. Or helping people who get lost, warping reality such that they can make it home after only a few seconds. Or people who are scared, sending them illusions and dreams of comfort rather than terror.

I know some of us like to mind-melt humans with our incomprehensible countenances, but like I said before, there's only so many times you can melt someone's eyes out of their skull and watch their brains explode before it gets tiring. I'm done scaring people and watching them succumb to madness after trying to comprehend my face. It's much more refreshing to be kind and caring! Why not use my powers for good?

So I've decided to reward humanity. Aside from my aforementioned tricks, I also like to give back to the humans who do real good for the world. I know it makes no sense. You may wonder why I even bother, especially because I am so far above your pitiful humanity, but again, even I don't always understand my own ways or desires.

So consider today your lucky day, little human! You, I've noticed, are unusually kind and gentle and caring and sweet. You may not have done anything huge, but gestures don't always need to be grand in order to be impactful or meaningful. Just watching the way you appreciate and respect nature, the way you care for your pets, the way you cry for those in trouble, has truly inspired me. I wish to be kind not necessarily because the good deeds will last, but because why not? All life in the universe will end eventually, even mine, so why not use the time I have now for fun?!

And for you, in particular, I have… this! A medallion! But it's more than just a pretty trinket. It actually lets you control your dreams!

I… I mean, yeah… It's just lucid dreaming in a medal form, but it makes it so much easier! Sure, you can train yourself to lucid dream, but you could also just take the medal and make it easier on both of us, ha! There you go! Looks great on you!

And yeah, you may wonder why I chose you of all people, well, again, even I'm not always sure… But I think, at least in this case, it's because I believe that all good deeds are worth celebrating, even small ones like yours. Maybe that's why we're so fixated on humanity. Maybe, as insignificant as you are, there's something that you have that we do not. Maybe that fascinates us. Or maybe it's just me being crazy…

But whatever it is, like I said several times before, it really makes no sense why we're so drawn to your kind. And I think it's more than just our innate unknowable nature. I think perhaps you humans have some sort of strange, special power all your own. I'm probably going to sound like a giant cliché now, so please don't roll your eyes, but maybe it's your humanity itself.

Maybe your finite nature and your ability to pull order even from chaos is what intrigues us, because we aren't finite (at least, on a scale compared to humans) or orderly. In short, as limited as you are, you still have viewpoints that we do not. For all the powers we have, there is one we lack: being human. So that's why you excite us! Again, I know it's cliché of me to say, but it's just a theory I have.

Maybe it's something so alien to us that even though you all are like puny ants we could easily crush underfoot, we are too fascinated by your existence to do so. Or, well, at least in my case. I know a handful that quite enjoy squishing you, but I am not one of them. I mean, I'm sure I'll get tired of being kind eventually. Maybe in another era, but until then, I'm content just being nice. It's something new, if nothing else.

So go on, take the medal, you've earned it! I hope you have lots of fun with it! But for now, this is your friendly neighborhood Eldritch, signing off! Back to the darkest depths of the most demented dimensions I go!

AN: I know friendly Eldritches do exist, but I wanna see more of em! As fun as it is to the see the mind-melting ones set on ending the world, nice guys are cool too!

And minor eldritch existential crisis, the eldritch wondering why it and other eldritches are obsessed with humanity.