Fake News Reports!

No matter who wins, I'm counting on the rioting and looting afterward to complete my Christmas list.

CNN Promises NOT To Prematurely Declare A Winner In Today's Presidential Election!

"Unless it helps Joe Biden," George Constanza look-a-like Jeff Zucker clarifies.

If there's one thing I've learned from this election, it's this:

If you try, you can find something good to say about anything.

Smoking?

At least you won't have to suffer the aches and pains of old age.

Stephen Colbert Breaks Down In TEARS On Live Television Upon Hearing The Unbiased CNN's Anderson Cooper Calling President Trump An Obese Turtle Flailing On His Back!

Relax, Steve.

It's just an election.

It's Official!

The winner of the 2020 presidential is...

The old white man with mental issues!

Jim Duchene

Chief Fake News Correspondent