1Alenia Paetzold - Seventeen Years Old
"Absolutely not," Margie said in our doorway, her arms crossed. Christine and I sat on the couch, half asleep, while Margie's voice continued to increase in volume. "And I won't pass anything along to her either."
"You don't understand," Michael said desperately. When I heard his voice I struggled to hide my groan. I didn't want to see him, hear him, or associate with him. In fact, all I wanted to do was go back to sleep and pretend he was nothing more than a bad dream. "I have to-"
"No, you don't understand," Margie snapped. "While you may think that Alenia is without defense because she's not in a club, you're wrong. I know what you did to her-"
"-Then you know what she did to me," Michael struggled to get a word in.
Even from behind it was clear that that was the wrong thing to say to her. "I don't care what she did to you."
"You're a celestial gatekeeper, of course you-" Michael started to say, causing Christine and I to snort. Margie wasn't your usual gatekeeper, and didn't like it when people assumed she was.
"-Not all of us are peace lovers, Mike, some of us fight for what we believe in." She snapped, "I don't give a damn about you or most of the people here, who I do give a damn about is Alenia, and you hurt her."
"I didn't- please, Margie, just-" Michael pleaded but Margie wasn't swayed.
"No!" Margie yelled, shocking him. "Do you have any idea what you've done? Controlling her like that? I can't of anything else so violating-"
"-I know," Michael said, sounding really and truly sorry. "I don't mean-"
"-Perhaps you ought to think of that next time." Margie interrupted him. I wasn't surprised that she didn't care to listen to his apology. I was different though. For some reason, something instinctual was telling me to hear him out.
"Margie," I said, slowly getting off of the couch and walking to the door. The argument they were having would go nowhere, neither would drop it. I needed to confront this regardless, not hide behind my friends. "It's fine, I've got this."
Margie nodded, opening the door so I could see more than a sliver of Michael's wounded face. He had bandages on his face and right arm, and I imagined he had them under his shirt as well. He also wore a sling for his right arm, which he used to hold what I imagined was a fresh application for Lore. Margie trusted me to handle it and shut the door behind me, but I doubted she'd strayed far. A glance at the hallway clocks told me it was nearly midnight, he hadn't even given me the night before coming for me again.
"I thought you could use this," He said as he handed me the application. He watched me wearily, waiting for me to attack him. I was too exhausted to even think about it.
I took the application without saying anything, I couldn't trust myself. I was happy to have the application, excited even. It was my first step to join Lore, my first impression. Five pages had once seemed like too much, but now they seemed inconsequential in comparison to joining the best guild.
"Take it away," I said, looking at the application with tears in my eyes. "You have blackmail on me now, so don't do this."
His eye was still red and bruised, and I could see that the burns on him were still bright red. It must have hurt like hell just to breath, and yet feeling that and knowing what I was willing to do to him he still shook his head.
I looked at the paper in my hands, wanting to burn them but nothing having the energy to fight myself to do it. I was going to fill them out and go to the interview. The time had come to admit defeat. "God," I said, still exhausted and beginning to cry. "I hate you."
I turned away to go to my dorm, hearing his response as I closed the door. "Yeah, I know."
Despite being utterly exhausted, I couldn't sleep that night. I made it through classes like a zombie and returned to my dorm as soon as I could. Once there I stared at my Lore application, too conflicted to actually fill it out.
The first page was simple- my name, student number, other basic identifying factors. The application asked basic questions after that- who my reference was, what my favorite class was, and more simple questions. It was on the second page that things got more complicated.
How would you describe yourself? Followed by a half a page of blank space to answer in. The only other question was equally open ended- What is Lore? I skipped the second page, hoping the 3rd, 4th, and 5th would be easier but that didn't seem to be the case. The third page only had one question- Why do you want to be in Lore? On page four they asked What are your strengths and weaknesses? Why? It was the why that really confused me. How was I supposed to answer why? By then I knew the fifth page wouldn't be any easier, but I skipped to it anyway. What would you like your interviewer and Lore to know?
A knock came from my door and I looked up, debating whether or not I wanted to talk to anyone. I looked at the application then decided I could use a reason to procrastinate.
I smiled easily when I saw Wes on the other side of my door, "Hey."
Wes looked nervous, serious, "Hey, um, we need to talk."
"Uh, okay," I said, stepping aside to let him into the room. "What is it?"
He walked over to the couch to sit down and I joined him, ignoring the sinking feeling in my chest.
"Did you attack Mike?" He asked, looking at everything but me.
"What?" I asked, confused. Yeah, Michael was his roommate, but I doubted that Michael would rally people against me. It was the instinct that made me listen to him when he suggested I join Lore, the instinct that made me give him a second chance- the instinct that so far seemed to only get me in trouble and yet I trusted it. Sure, Michael hated me, that much was obvious, but it seemed impossible that he would try to turn Wes away from me.
"Did you do it?" This time Wes looked at me, his voice more forceful.
My stomach churned in worry. Should I lie and say no? Should I explain everything that happened, despite the weird intimacy I felt with Michael? Should I ask why he was asking me like this, out of the blue. "He attacked me first," I settled for a partial explanation, unwilling to lie or tell Wes the full story.
"He's scarred, Alenia, and you look fine," Wes said. It was obvious, from the way he tensed, that he was upset. No- not upset, scared.
"He's an empath," The explanation should have been obvious to Wes. I did my best to remain calm, not get angry. He didn't know what had happened, though, and he immediately assumed I was at fault. After all of these years he really had that little faith in me. It hadn't been long ago that he had told me to lower my expectations, not bother with Lore, and now he was scared of me, convinced I had attacked his friend unprovoked. "He doesn't leave scars."
"Whatever he did, it couldn't be worth what you did to him." Wes said, "Look, people have always told me I was crazy for liking an untrained dragon. I never believed them but... I've seen what you did, and heard how it happened- you burned through a year 16 Lore member to get to him. You didn't even care. Just the other day you nearly set me on fire and- I'm not looking to risk my life over a school crush."
He was right, of course. We were each other's school crush but to hear that he honestly thought I was a danger, that being a dragon made me too much of a risk, hurt. To be told that I was just a school crush hit me like a physical blow.
"FIne," I snapped, refusing to let myself cry any more. "I don't need to date some pathetic djinn anyway."
"Alenia-" Wes wasn't going to stop. He was going to keep going, rubbing salt in the wound of our almost breakup (because how could it count as a breakup if you'd never really been together?). So, despite the fact that it was my dorm, I got up and left Wes along to deal with the burning couch.
I wanted to storm the castle, find Michael and tear him limb from limb. I was more than capable and this was his fault, all of it. He's convinced me to join Lore, he'd refused to tell me the prophecy, he'd contorted my emotions to his will- that was it!
Now I moved to find Michael for another purpose, he would make me feel better. This was all his fault and if he could give me emotions, he could take them away. I'd spent too much time dilly dallying, though, so I couldn't risk going to his dorm and seeing Wes. Instead, I tried the vending machines, then the library. I made my way throughout the school until there were only two places he could be- Lore or his dorm.
When I arrived at Lore I recognised the older guy that had tried to stop me from attacking Michael. He noticed me immediately and stood, obviously preparing for me to attack again.
"If ya are here for Michael, ya might as well turn around." He said, his voice slow and southern. It felt like a warm, slow moving hug.
"What do you care?" I asked, crossing my arms threateningly. I didn't intend to hurt Michael, but I didn't want to calm this guy's worries either. Let him worry about Michael. He should because, even if I didn't attack him today, it was coming. Sooner or later.
"Hank is Michael's boyfriend so I'm sure he cares quite a lot," Katie said, walking out of an office in the back. Her voice was cheery but I doubted she was happy. "Unless you're here for Lore business I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You can work on your application if you would like."
I looked at Hank, sitting alone with a book, and grinned somewhat maliciously. "Fine," I said. I plopped down next to him, to his extreme discomfort, and pulled out the application that I'd, for some reason, brought along.
"And Alenia, I know what Michael did, so I am going to respect his wishes on this." Katie said, "But behavior like that is-" She frowned, "You can't do something like that again."
"With any luck, I won't need to," I said. "At least, not until we're graduated and not your problem anymore."
Katie's frown remained and, apparently not sure what to say, she returned to her office without another word.
Across the table from me, Hank glared fiercely. I couldn't blame him, I had attacked his boyfriend without apparent prompting, but I also didn't care. I'd dealt with enough Michael sympathizers that day.
We didn't sit in silence for long before he spoke up. "So what'd Mike do to ya?"
"What? He didn't tell you?" I mocked.
"He told me he deserved it, and not to report ya." Hank said, frowning. "I doubt that very much."
"He made me apply," I said. "He used his powers to break into me and force me to join."
I decided not to share everything else and Hank seemed unconvinced. I didn't care. When it came to attacking Michael I had no regrets, even if it did make Wes break up with me. I worked on my application in silence, letting my mere presence bother Hank. I would stay here, working on the stupid application until Michael got there and I convinced him to take away these stupid attachments to Wes. It was the least he could do.
"Doesn't seem so bad," Hank said. "Not that you seem to give a damn about reason. You and all the rest of the dragons."
I couldn't help my shock and, weirdly enough, insult. I'd never really considered myself much of a dragon, but to hear him insult all dragons made me suddenly defensive of 'my people'.
"What're you then?" I asked, stopping any act of working on my application. "You didn't seem able to do much of anything when I saw you last."
"Scarrin mage, my blood's magic," Hank said.
"That's- actually cool," I said, surprised to hear that. It threw me off. We sat in silence for a minute. He was obviously hating this- why didn't he leave? "So what do you want?"
"I've heard a lot about you, 'domestic trash', and listened to my boyfriend fiercely defend you after you beat the crap out of him." Hank said, "I'm just trying to figure you out."
"Instead of glaring at me, why don't you help me with this application." I said, turning the pages so we could both see it.
"Do you seriously expect me to help you get into Lore?" He scoffed. "Why do you even want to join? You don't care about anything but yourself. You keep your head down, get good grades, and stay out of the way. What? Insulted? I thought you were proud to be human?"
"What's going on?" Michael walked into Lore, slowing his pace when he saw me sitting next to Hank.
"Just getting your boyfriend to help me with the application," I said, "But now that you're here I have a favor." Michael raised his eyebrows, not believing me. I stood up and walked forward, "Come on. You owe me."
Michael may not have agreed but he followed me to the roof regardless.
"Okay, you brought me to the roof, now what?" Michael asked, crossing his arms and glaring at me. "Going to throw me off?"
"That's not a bad idea, but no," I said. "Wes dumped me, as I am sure you know-" Michael didn't say anything, but he frowned for a moment. "-And I want you to fix it."
"Wait- what?" Michael asked. His jaw dropped slightly and he shook his head. "No- I don't-"
"What? Use your powers on people?" My laugh was bitter and mean. "You've already done it once, and I hear it gets easier with practice. Take away this... longing. You owe me."
"I've already done you a favor, and I'm not doing this." Michael said. "Your emotions are dangerous, I'm not going to venture there again."
I stood in surprised shock, staring at him, and the clouds, and anything I could to avoid accepting my reality.
"C'mon, it's curfew," Michael said, pulling me out of the mindless silence I'd fallen into. I glared up at him and walked towards the door. I didn't have anything left to say to him, so I left without saying a word. Leaving him was made difficult, however, when he took it upon himself to accompany me. "You need any help with your application?"
Yes. "Not from you," I snapped, wishing he would go away. I was already regretting my initial desire to get his help, to have him yank away the hurt I felt, with shame. I shouldn't have asked that, not because Michael didn't owe me, but because I was better than that.
He kept walking beside me despite the fact that I clearly wanted him to go away. Why was he so determined to agitate me? I tried to focus on the application -what would I write in it when I got back to my dorm?- but it was impossible. "Just go away, not two weeks ago you didn't care, and now, all of the sudden, you're coming in and wrecking my life."
I glared at him fiercely when I snapped, folding up my application to stuff into my back pocket so I wouldn't burn it. Hopefully.
"I'm wrecking your life?" Michael snapped back, "I get it, I'm horrible for making you quit being that lone dragon, mysterious and a danger to your loved ones, but move on."
"Move on? You violated my emotions!" I couldn't believe him, talking to me like a petulant child.
"You beat the shit out of me!" Michael rebutted, "And I did what I did for your own good."
"For my own- who are you to decide what is good for me?" Enraged, my body burst into flames (in the tiny back of my mind, behind the whipping of flames, a tiny voice thanked my mother for finding and sending me fireproof clothes, something most retailers only made for children). They surrounded me with a warm glow. "I was fine and happy and doing great until you came along, ruined my yearly holiday, and put your own will into my head!"
"You don't know everything, Alenia, and you know you don't!" Michael said, "Just accept that-"
"-This is about that stupid prophecy isn't it?" I said, "You know about it, and I don't, so you think you can just do whatever you want, huh?"
"I'll do what I need to," He said, completely unapologetic and composed. I hated it, hated that I stood there bursting into flames while he managed his cool. Fucking empath.
"Alenia!" Wes yelled, coming from behind Michael, "Alenia don't-"
"I swear to god Wes if you finish that statement I will be forced to scorch you so hot your eyeballs melt." I snapped, not in the mood to deal with my ex. He looked disappointed, but not surprised. The realization was too much, and I stormed off, making it to my dorm just in time for curfew.
My mood didn't get any better by the time my interview was about to start, though I was able to glean some joy off of the fact that I was missing history class. Rather than using the Lore rooms, the interview took place in a small, spare classroom with a large meeting desk in the middle. I could see a large man with a large smile on the monitor. I was short for a dragon, as dragons were usually taller than most, but I knew he had to be tall for a dragon. Even on the video screen it was clear that he stood at over 7 feet, and his broad shoulders rounded him out to be large overall. He had soft brown hair and wore business casual, nice slacks and a nice button-down with the sleeves rolled up.
"Alenia?" He asked. I nodded and sat down at the table facing the screen. "My name is Victor, I'll be interviewing you today."
I was hit with a sudden nervousness at the recognition that this was, in fact, my interview. I still hadn't decided what I was going to do. Michael's magic still made me want to join. What he hadn't counted on was how much I would want to spite him, to prove to him that he wasn't in control of me.
"Good afternoon," Victor said, looking through the small file that Lore had built on me. I could do nothing but watch as he got his bearings, "Sorry about this, I would usually prepare for something like this, but I only found out this morning. Now, let's go through your application first. The first page is pretty basic, on the second page, how would you describe yourself, you answered..." Oh shit. "...'I wouldn't'. Well... okay," He said, laughing a little as he looked up at me. "I don't think you quite get the point, but that's fine. If you were to describe yourself, how would you do it?"
Damn. And I'd felt so wise. "I-" How do you answer that question? Did I even want to answer that question?
"Look, Alenia, I've been through your file, if not your application, before and so I know you don't really care about Lore or any other club." Victor said, "Honestly, you seem like you just want to get out of this school as soon as you can and just get back home, and that's fine, but it's not Lore. If you join Lore it's a point of pride, we're a team and a family and we care. I've read the recommendation by Katie, and you obviously have the power to join, Michael made that clear-"
And that's when I interrupted the man who was probably just talking about Michael identifying me as a potential member, not about the time I beat the ever living shit out of him, or about the time I made it clear I'd kill him.
"-Michael deserved what he got and I won't apologize for it," I snapped, not letting him finish. "I told that to him, I told Katie and Wes, and I told it to Hank, and I'll tell it to you."
Victor merely raised his eyebrow, not really worried about the anger in my voice, or the fact that my eyes were flaming. "Deserved what he got?"
"Look, can we just go through this?" I said, wondering why the interview was going so bad when Lore was all but making me join. "I want to join, I'm just not... I'm not introspective."
"As a dragon, you need to know yourself," Victor replied, though he looked less upset. "Magical beings like us, beings who are made of magic, need to have control of our emotions, and to do that you need to know yourself."
I opened my mouth to argue, then closed it. Even if the last few days hadn't happened, I would still need to learn more. Victor was offering me help, I shouldn't shun it.
"So, you're not introspective," Victor said. "How else would you describe yourself?" I groaned and Victor raised an eyebrow again, clearly getting sick of me. "Katie described you as 'fiercely independent and overwhelmingly loyal, Alenia will never submit to another's will.' She went on to say that you're suited for Lore because you're 'everything Lore stands for; strength of will, body, and heart.' She really likes you, any idea why?"
"Not in the slightest," I said, answering honestly before realizing that I should have thought before I spoke. I needed to decide what I wanted to do. Then I needed to decide how I was going to do it. "She is kind of like the big sister I never wanted."
"You an only child?" He asked, curious, "I thought humans had more than one child?"
"My mom couldn't have more children after me, she didn't know what my dad was and didn't find out until too late," I said, bitterly thinking about my father.
"Ah," He said, his curiosity more than quenched. I wondered if he felt like I had the other day when I'd bitten off more than I could chew asking about Michael. Fucking Empath. "Okay, let's read your next answer. If nothing else they are proving amusing."
Ha. Ha.
He read through my next answer, " Ask Michael Pias Jr." He looked up from the paper, "Really?"
"He would know better than me," I said, trying my best to control my emotions. This was going terribly.
"Look, this is a waste of my time," Victor said, standing up to go.
"No, wait, look," I said, jerking up. "Look, I didn't lie, but I wasn't-"
"Why should we let you into Lore?" Victor asked, "You're untrained, volatile, uninterested, and I see nothing in you that befits a member. Honestly, I have no idea why Katie recommended you in the first place. You're not independent, you're ignorant and stubborn. Honestly-"
He continued to talk while I zoned out. What he had said before, that dragons had to know themselves, made sense. That was what I needed to do. I needed to look inward for the first time and decide what I was going to do and stick to it. Katie had told them I was fiercely independent, that I wouldn't bend to another's will. Hank and Wes, not that I would trust either farther than I could throw them, had both been afraid of me. They had counted me as a dragon and, because of that, had thought of me as volatile and dangerous. Someone not to trifle with. Someone who was strong. Someone who stood up for what they believed in. It was then that I remembered something that my mother had told me when I was a child- charity starts at home.
"You're a dragon, right?" I said, interrupting Victor.
Victor, who had still been talking, stopped and stared at me in shock for a moment. "Yes, I am."
"Then you'll understand why I have to do this," I said, shaking my head and blinking away the tears. I knew what I was doing but that didn't make it hurt any less. I was stronger than this, more in control than this. Michael. Couldn't. Do this.
Suddenly the desire to join Lore snapped like a physical thing. I let out an overwhelmed breath and hunched over for a moment. The emotional effort took a very real physical toll. After a second of labored breathing I looked up at the screen to see Victor looking confused. "I withdraw my application to Lore."