It's a dark and stormy night...over the north Pacific. Juneau isn't too far away...as the airplane flies.
One wouldn't expect a plane to fly in this weather. But tonight, Air Force Forty-nine is airborne. All around its fuselage, the wind and rain beat. And somehow, the fires in the engines don't get doused...
The weather says there might be a typhoon later. Clearly, whoever's aboard this thing is crazy...
The cockpit is empty. SARAI, the royal Alaskan AI, flies the plane.
First class, the First Girl of Alaska tries on new clothes. By default, she wears a Dixie flag-patterned bikini. Her hair is blonde, and almost bobbed. She's barely of age.
No stress; she's not destined to succeed her mother as baroness of Alaska...yet. For the time being, her mother is going to try to select an heir from someone she meets, or hears of, by chance.
Meet Delia Nunn. Young and frisky, she's a bitch and a rebel. But then, that starry blue Dixie cross across her ass says it all...as do the pair across her boobs. Right now, for her, at 30,000 feet in the sky, with a typhoon brewing before her, life is good.
She tries on a lot of clothes. She even tries on a lot of authentic Alaskan furs...and not to mention a lot of leather fashion that's in the mode in some of the Alaskan native tribes, so far northwest of Juneau that her mother's never been there. Mostly, though, she tries on replicas of fashion from Dancing with the Stars. She thinks she might want to be on it, someday...
She tries on a Hawkgirl mask, and makes fun of herself in front of a mirror.
She sits on a bed, like a wolf, and howls at the cloud-concealed moon. She takes small leaps forward, as she does so.
She wears a Deathstroke mask, points toy submachine guns everywhere, and pretends to take long strings of shots at dangerous targets (herself not included).
She holds a huge shotgun in front of the mirror, makes fun of Miranda Lambert, and mock-sings several lines of "Kerosene."
She wears a salsa dress, has SARAI put on salsa music, and dances to it. She speaks Spanish, and does a pathetic job of imitating Shakira.
She takes up a round shield, that's navy blue, with a Big Dipper painted on the front. She aims it at a mirror, and points a toy pistol at it. "I am Captain Alaska," she murmurs, taking fake shots at the mirror. "And I WILL rearrange your bones into ptarmigan-style!"
She dresses like a Gothic witch, wears a toy snake around her neck, and fakes a snake dance, while SARAI plays Godsmack's "Voodoo."
She wears a pair of Dahl sheep horns on her head, and makes noises, like Durinsbane, the Balrog, in Fellowship of the Ring.
She dresses up like Gandalf the Grey, wields his old staff, faces the mirror, and shouts, "YOU, SHALL NOT, PASS," before thrusting the staff into the deck of the plane.
She dresses like Regina George, and says, to the mirror, "On Wednesdays, we wear pink!"
She dresses like Karen Smith, and says, to the mirror, "O my god! You can't just walk up to people and tell them that they're not black!"
She wears a wedding gown, holds a bouquet of flowers, and sobs to the mirror...
She wears Katana's mask, and draws a pair of katanas, facing the mirror. "Konichiwa," she says, imitating a Japanese accent. "My name is Tatsu Yamashiro. You slaughtered my family in droves." She revolves the Soultaker sword, one of the two katanas, in her hand; it gleams, in the plane light. "Prepare to have your soul taken!"
She dresses like Hellcat, crawls across the floor, towards the mirror, and imitates a cat, while singing, "I Want Your Cray-Cray."
She dresses as Cleopatra, from Cleopatra 2525, dances in front of the mirror, and sings parts of the show's theme song...
She dresses as a cowgirl, scratches her own ass, adjusts her own hat, and pulls two toy pistols out of a pair of holsters on either side of her belt. "You dirty mangy Kerr," she says, putting on a pathetic Western accent. "You're the Doherty mangy Kerr that shot my brother. And I'M the Doherty mangy Kerr who's going to shoot you!"
She dresses as Zorro, and swings a sword around, like a bimbo. "Do you know," she asks herself, impersonating Anthony Hopkins, "how to use that thing?!" She empties her stare, and shrugs. "Yeah," she says, impersonating Antonio Banderas. "Pointy end goes in the bad guy!"
She puts on an army uniform, holds up a WWI-era gold watch, and recites, to the mirror, Christopher Walken's "this old watch" monologue from Pulp Fiction...
She dresses like a Corsican peasant, with a white blindfold around her eyes. "I am Corsican," she says, mimicking a French accent, and holding up her fist. "AND OF COURSE I CAN!"
She dresses like Jon Bon Jovi, and pretends to ride on a giant crab claw, as if it were a broomstick. As she does, she does a pathetic job of impersonating him, while singing several of the lines from "Wanted Dead or Alive..."
She poses as Miranda Lambert again, impersonates John Fogerty, and does a pathetic job of singing several lines of "Wrote a Song for Everyone..."
She dresses as Katniss Everdeen, and aims a bow and arrow at the mirror. "Be vewy vewy quiet," she sings, impersonating Elmer Fudd. "We hunting for pwesidents…" She looks down at the deck, and gapes. "Ooh! Pwesident twacks!" She runs around in circles, while bent over, as if following the "pwesident twacks," in circles. As she does so, she sings "kill da pwesident, kill da pwesident," in the style of Wagner...
She also highlights the Dixie cross, on her otherwise-bare-or-red-clad ass...
At long last, she dresses as an Arabian belly dancer. She asks SARAI to put on some Shisha (the band; not the hookah weed), and makes use of her belly, showing off for the mirror while doing so.
That mirror is either the luckiest object in the north Pacific tonight, or the absolute least lucky...in a way that makes the eaten herring run look like a cured pandemic...
Just in time, a lightning bolt strikes the wings of Air Force Forty-nine. SARAI is conked out, and all of the power on the entire plane goes out; including the power that keeps the engines turned on.
Shortly after, two bolts of lightning flash right past the plane; one flashes right by the cockpit windows, and the other flashes by a window young Delia stares out of. Both bolts glow yellow.
Around them, time slows. The airplane's cockpit windows glow the same shade of yellow...as do Delia's. She's still dressed as an Arabian belly dancer. She won't be for long.
The lightning vanishes, and the plane starts descending towards the ocean. Yet another bolt of lightning strikes one of the wings, sending the plane into a tailspin.
Inside, everything is thrown all around the cabin of the plane...including the First Girl. Delia's back in her rebel bikini now. And she'll be that way for quite some time, during the events that follow...whether she'll want to be or not.
"ONE TIME I LAUGHED AT A BLIND GUY EATING SPAGHETTI," she screams, confessing her sins, in what she dreads will soon be her very short life's last moments. "SOMETIMES I PEE IN THE SHOWER WHEN I'M REALLY TIRED. I ONCE CAUGHT MY GRANDPARENTS MAKING LOVE TO ONE ANOTHER, AND DIDN'T LEAVE RIGHT AWAY..."
Outside, the plane's other wing is ripped off by the impending typhoon. The plane turns over, nose-down, and goes into a very dangerous dive...
For the plane, it might be a soft landing. For Delia...her fate remains to be seen...