Hello! If you are a first time reader and have not yet read "Ian," I would suggest you mosey on down to my profile and read that story first, to understand the characters and contexts! :D
If you don't feel like it, I won't force you. Enjoy! :)
August 15th. In just a couple of short days, Ian is going to be leaving me forever.
Okay, not forever, but it's certainly going to feel like forever. And once he's gone, I'll have another whole-ass week before I have to move into my dorm. And then we'll be three hours away from each other. But, Ian suggested we pack together, and then it would feel like we were both leaving at the same time.
I still don't believe him, but I'm trying not to let my misery over him leaving overtake me.
My mom and Jeff are at his apartment, packing things up. For some asinine reason, they decided to move back into this house because it was "a better place to raise Carson (correction: the devil spawn), and I (mom) am going to be opening our new branch here in town, so it works perfectly!"
I call bullshit. Pure, unadulterated bullshit.
Where am I supposed to stay when I'm in town? There's no way I'm staying with that brat. I'll never sleep. He's worse than ever.
Luckily, they won't be moving in until I'm already at school.
I flip the covers off and slip out of bed. I grab Ian's flannel to cover my naked body and slip into the bathroom. I pee, wash my face, and brush my teeth before entering the room again. I yawn as I run my fingers through my hair. They get caught in the tangles Ian made in them last night.
"Ahh, there it is."
I look up. My god of a boyfriend stands by my bed in all his shirtless glory. I bite my lip as desire courses through me. He's so fucking delicious when he's just dressed in his jeans.
"Hello," he snaps his fingers. "My eyes are up here. Yeah. Hello," he grins at me and fists his shirt, pulling me against him. "Care to give me my shirt back?"
"No. I'm keeping it. It looks better on me."
He chuckles. "I don't disagree. But seeing as how I snuck out of my window last night to climb in through yours, I have to get back before someone whups my ass."
"I'll whup your ass," I offer in a low voice as I pull him down for a kiss. He hums low in his throat.
I bite my lip and push my hair out of my face as Ian stands to redress. I take a deep breath to slow my breathing as the sweat settles on my skin. He pulls on the flannel that I refused to give back and buttons it up. "You," he sighs, giving me a side-long look, "will be the death of me."
"Who, me? You love me," I tsk playfully.
"I do." He leans over the bed to give me a proper kiss before he stands back up. "Okay. I will see you later today, yes?"
"Uh huh!" I tuck my leg up and play with a curl. Ian's eyes slowly roll over my naked frame. I smirk.
"Stop tempting me!"
"I wasn't doing anything," I say innocently.
He narrows his eyes. "You know very well what you're doing."
I bite my lip and wiggle my eyebrows. "And what would that be."
"We're not having another round of sex."
"I didn't say anything about that."
"Never underestimate the importance of body language."
"Did you just quote The Little Mermaid?"
". . . . Maybe," he mutters. I laugh. Olivia comes bounding into the room, barking happily and jumping on top of me.
"Ow, Olive! Nails! Bare skin!"
Ian laughs. "I will see you later."
I move the dog off of me and get dressed in a flannel I stole out of Ian's room at the beginning of the summer. I flick on the shower and give myself a quick rinse before redressing and shifting through the cabinets, looking for a bag to start packing stuff into. I shuffle through various empty boxes that I've never thrown away. Condoms, pads, tampons. I move aside a package of unopened pads I bought in May. Oh yeah, those are a thing. I almost forgot they were.
I sit back against the wall. When was the last time I had my period?
Was it any time recently?! Fuck!
Curse my horrible memory! Curse the fact that I never track my periods and just let them sneak up on me!
I rush into my room in a panic, upsetting Olivia. She sits up and barks. I hurriedly grab proper underclothing and a pair of jean shorts and throw them on. I grab a wad of cash, and my phone off my desk. "You stay here, Olive, okay?!" I rush down the stairs and to my car. My heart is pounding as I pull out of the driveway and drive as fast as possible to the nearest drug store. I put the car in park and glance around. Now that I'm here, a different kind of panic comes over me. I can't just go in and buy a pregnancy test. Everyone will judge me.
My eye catches on something in the cup holder. One of my mom's costume rings (simply meaning it's not real) rests in the plastic. Thanking my good fortune, I slip it onto my left hand and enter the store.
I grab a couple of pregnancy tests and a bottle of water. I toss them on the belt and pretend to be talking on the phone. "Don't worry, I'll be home soon. Yeah, I'm off work. Do I need to pick anything else up before I get home?" She finishes with the person two ahead of me. I laugh softly. "Yeah, I'm at the drugstore. I'm picking up a couple of tests. I missed my period last month, and I thought it was just a fluke, but I missed it again this month too." I laugh through somewhat fake tears. She finishes the person ahead of me, raising her eyebrow slightly at my conversation and purchase items. "I know, we've been trying so hard." I sniffle slightly. "I know, baby. I'm hoping it's positive this time too. It's been so difficult. Granny will be so excited if it's finally positive." I pretend to melt at something my fake conversation partner said. "I love you, too. Yeah. I'm so excited, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up." She motions towards the total. "Oh, honey, I have to go, I need to pay. I'll see you at home. I love you." I hang up and smile at her. "Sorry, I missed the total."
I hand her a twenty. She takes it and measures out my change. She hands it to me along with the bag and smiles. "I hope it's positive this time."
"Thanks. Me too." I give her a faked genuine smile and haul ass out of that store. My hands will not stop shaking.
I pace through my room, gnawing at my nails. How fucking long does two fucking minutes take?!
I hear my alarm go off. I dive for my bathroom, where I left the test. I'm scared to look at it. I'm afraid of what it's going to tell me.
I lift it up. One line. Oh thank goodness. I turn to go back to my room when the other line catches my attention. It's not completely full, but it's there.
"Shit," I mutter and scramble for the other package. I rip it open and hope to all that is above that I can pee again.
I end up having to wait a couple of hours in complete misery. I text Ian that I can't help him pack today because I got my period and it hurts like hell. He offers to come over and sit with me, but I tell him to just continue on as planned. I'll be fine.
I pick up the second test. Two obnoxious, fucking pink lines stare up at me.
I collapse onto my floor, crying, and lean my back against the wall. I let the tears come freely. How could I have been so fucking stupid?! I chastise myself. I kick the cabinet in front of me. I was always careful to use a condom!
Except that first night. In Ian's room. After his party.
"Dammit!" I yell, grabbing a hair straightener and throwing it across my bedroom. Olive yips from somewhere in the house. "Dammit," I sob, collapsing on the floor. I hear the clicks and jangles that tell me Olive is present. She licks my face. "No, no kisses," I push her away. "No kisses."
If I wasn't pregnant, we could continue on with our lives and keep having sex, and no one would be the wiser. But now . . . now we have to admit what we've been doing.
"How could I have been so fucking STUPID?!" I scream, running myself hoarse. I grab some random object and throw it. Something shatters. I grab my knees, rocking myself as I sob. "Olive, how could I have been so fucking stupid?"
She simply nuzzles my legs.
I get up to get water at some point. My phone buzzes with a message from Ian.
[Want me to come over?]
I sniff and unlock my phone, wiping at my eyes.
[No, it's a bloodbath over
here. I might have to sleep
in the tub lol. I'll just see
you tomorrow, okay? Xo]
[Okay, sleep tight. Love you.
Call me if you need anything]
I need to not be fucking pregnant, I think sullenly and toss the phone away. I sink back to the floor to wallow in my misery. How can I tell him? How can I tell Ian that I've ruined our lives forever? I know he'll want to keep it. He always wants to do the right thing.
Maybe I'll miscarry. Maybe I won't have to make the horrible decision to kill an innocent little life. What did it ever do to me? I was the fucking idiot who went and got herself knocked up like a fucking hoe.
I grab my phone and pull up the search engine. I fall into deeper despair and sink to the floor. Of course the chances of a miscarriage now are close to fucking ten percent.
I sit back up and do the math. May 30th . . . to August 15th . . . shit. How could I go eleven weeks without knowing I'm fucking pregnant?! Aren't people supposed to get morning sickness or some shit?!
I curl up with Olive on my bed and watch trash movies on my laptop until I manage to fall into a fitful sleep. I get myself so worked up that I make myself physically sick.
When I get up the next day, I change into sweats and Ian's flannel. I grab my phone. I need to do something.
I wait as the phone rings.
"Mara? It's Sam. Could you drive me somewhere?"
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Angel Princess 31