If Only It Was Just A Dream
"I needed to drop this off," I said, as he opens the front door with a stunned face.
Looking resigned, he opens the door wider and signals me to come in. I enter almost cautiously as if crossing over an invisible gateway into another realm. In some ways, I guess it was.
"Where should I put it?" I ask, trying not to look around for clues of other people.
"Where it came from," he replies with unnecessary sass.
I roll my eyes at his response and climb the stairs to his bedroom. As I step into his room, I sigh, remembering fondly our secret moments here. It used to be one of my favorite places. All the light from the windows and all the warmth from his bed.
Setting down my box, I move towards one of the large windows overlooking the solarium. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against the glass. I didn't need to see what was down there to know the layout – an old crushed velvet pink sectional facing a red brick fireplace and a glass coffee table; with two young palm trees on either side of it. I was going to soak it in one last time.
Time always went by faster than I wanted it to here. It could have been 20 minutes, it could have been 5, I'm not sure but I soon felt him trap me against the window yet not touching me at all.
My breath hitched and my eyes opened.
"Why are you still here?" he whispered gruffly, his mouth dipping close to my ear.
I leaned back. I leaned against him. This time I heard his sharp intake of breath.
"Because I wanted to feel tingly again," I softly said.
Without saying a word, he wrapped me tightly in his arms, almost like he couldn't live without me. It felt wonderful as we stayed there together.
Eventually, I cut our fantasy short. I turned around in his arms, facing him - to smell him more deeply, but also to look at him probably for the last time. I began roaming his face to remember it, and then moved my hand to scratch his unshaven beard.
He smiled at my idiosyncrasies.
"We have to say goodbye," he said, as he cupped my face delicately. "Any longer and we'll make a pit stop to the bed."
"Is that so bad?" I asked, smartly.
He laughed and nodded. Then he kissed my forehead painstakingly slow and eventually steered me out of his bedroom. His arm around me the whole time, he walked me to the front door.
I couldn't - wouldn't kiss him one last time. Otherwise pride be gone, I would be back to break my own heart again.
I looked at him once before hopefully leaving forever.
"Goodbye Ben McCleery."