I should stop imagining a world where you and I ended up together, but I can't. Even if it didn't work out between us, at least we could've said that we gave it a try. But I was too scared, and I let our chance pass us by.
I was too terrified at the possibility that you and I could've had something amazing, because I was scared I might never let you go. So instead I pushed you away and made even more stupid mistakes, thinking you'd still be there waiting for me. God, I was an idiot.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with the life I've chosen, but I think a part of me will always wish for the past that we never had. If only I'd kissed you even once, I doubt things would be the same. I told you so callously before that I didn't love you, I lied.
Maybe I didn't feel the way you did, but I think given the right circumstances, I could've easily fallen for you. I certainly thought about us getting together frequently enough. It was a satisfying fantasy, made all the more beguiling by the unfulfilled possibility.
But you came to my wedding, and told me goodbye. I'd hoped you didn't mean it, that you'd change your mind. But you didn't, so now I'm left wondering if you ever think about me the way I definitely should not be thinking about you.
You told me once that you dream about me, and I teased you about fantasizing about me. Now I find it's the other way around, how would you feel if you knew that I dreamt about you too? For years I've made countless excuses why you and I shouldn't be together, but now I wish I had the courage to take a chance on us.
If I had a do-over in life, I used to say I'd live my life the exact same way and make the exact same choices. Now I know that's not true. Because if I had a do-over, I think I'd choose you.