Fake News Reports!

World News Reports That The United Nations General Assembly Continues!

"Now that BTS is gone, we can really get things done," an anonymous source said, breathing a sigh of relief.

In A Post Quoting The Late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, The ACLU Changed The Wording To Include Gender-Neutral Language

Because…

"That's just the kind of hacks we've become."

CalMatters Reports That California Is Running Out Of Water!

But why?

Karma, baby. Karma.

THIS JUST IN:

Beck Bennett Has Left NBC's Long-Running Late-Night Program "Saturday Night Live" And The Amazing Thing Is…

…nobody noticed.

When Asked About Women, The Times Reports That Jake Gyllenhaal Asserted "They're Superior To Men."

"Please don't cancel me," he then whimpered when no one could hear.

The San Francisco Chronicle Reports That A Bay Area High School Has Rescued 4,000 Endangered Salmon From The California Drought And…

"They were delicious," the principal said, smacking his lips.

John Hinckley, The Man Who Tried To Assassinate President Reagan In 1981 In An Attempt To Woo Jodie Foster, Won Unconditional Release On Monday Having Passed An Extensive Mental Exam!

"Did you vote for Trump?"

"No, sir. I did not."

"You're free to go."

At my age, I'm not trying to recapture my youth, I'm trying to recapture last week.

The Antiviral Pill Molnupiravir Cuts The Chances Of Covid Patients Being Hospitalized By FIFTY Per Cent!

Thank goobers Trump hasn't recommended it, otherwise it would have to be canceled.

I wasn't paying attention, but, to be fair, you weren't saying anything I wanted to pay attention to.

Jim Duchene

Fake News Chief Correspondent

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