Sagittarius: I wouldn't get out of bed if I were you.
Pisces: Hmm... what's that lump?
Aquarius: You'll never be good enough.
Taurus: Is that a clown hiding in your closet?
Virgo: Crazy people don't care about restraining orders.
Aries: Maybe it's a tumor.
Gemini: There's no point in buying those green bananas.
Libra: Fortunately, it won't be painful.
Cancer: You're about to learn the meaning of the word irony.
Capricorn: Is your health insurance paid up? Just asking.
Scorpio: How long have you had that mole?
Leo: Your neighbor hasn't fed his pit bull in four days.