I wish I could change to be better than I am,
Instead of living a life that's a sham.
I never really felt like I truly belonged.
This life has always felt artificially prolonged.
I am lost within the depths of vacuity.
I have no more acuity.
The fear keeps me a prisoner from so much.
All I long for is a common touch.
A caring hand turns into,
A meaningful conversation that comes to,
A deeper connection that can heal the hurt that penetrates so deep it scars my very soul.
That's a tender kindness that can finally make me whole.
Decades later and nothing's changed.
This will always remain estranged.
I am still the one on the outside looking for a place to belong.
The way that I feel will always remain lifelong.
Why is it so hard to accept me for who I am?
I feel locked away behind a dam.
I am the one that retreats when pressured by the conflict that cannot be faced,
So I will be effaced.
Calling out into the universe that remains filled with terror in its inability to be conceived.
I am left bereaved.
As long as everything remains in accordance,
I will continue to be lost in this discordance.