Written on: 7/15/21

I would like to ask you a question

But I cannot fathom who you are

Or what you're doing

What you can do

Because I do not believe in your existence

Because my thoughts cannot comprehend the mere notion that you could be here

I cannot think of you

And I don't think I want to

I could look for you everywhere

But I wouldn't find you, I wouldn't find us

Because I am you, and you're inside my head

Taunting me with the notion that you're better than me

I'm tired, and you're not

You're happy, and I'm not

And I kind of resent that fact you exist

Because I feel like no matter what I do, I will never be able to reach you

And yet, I do continue to wonder

All the time

What it would feel like to be you

If I could change enough to be you

If I could do enough to become you

If I could do enough to become me

But instead

I will smother the thought of you in my brain

Because while I hold the dreams of you close to my heart

Thinking about how fragile the idea of you could become does not belong in my head

So I will say goodbye to you, future me

I hope you exist

I pray you exist

And may we meet again, when you are finally me