losing real sight of self
It was a regretable era,
in my life and the losing of the lifelihood that is
my capacity to love, to feel, to allow
to be me, in this world and free myself to feel the nnatural feelings of life.
back in the days of my past:
loneliness is inevitable, no doubt, and the obstacle that obstructs the way
is a sole to bond mine with, and in that way, only can my deep deep hole
in my heart could be mended, and filled.
For this broken incomplete sole there is nowhere in the world
to go take shelter, hide away, and cry a river of tears, and definitely
no one to love with their heart, amongst all the lost soles in this world.
The whole truth is for this piece of
sole of mine truely. there is no home for me
to meet my counterpart. In this world, of emptiness, there is no drop of
warm light to eluminate the way,
no hope and no inspirational encouragement for the will to step forward
to go on living, and to will myself to do good.
There is no room in this world for
the feelings appropriate for human beings, which are
compassion, love, charity, true friendship, and most importantly
For I have done everything possible to my field of vision.
It was impossible to succeed.
People continued to refuse
different methods were tested, and none of them seemed to work.
when advice was sought the only reply was
but nothing, all people wish to do for this poor soul is
to wish you luck as you go on seeking, and for me, all I have left which will not say false words to me is this piece of paper where I convey my thoughts.
At a later date:
The thing which I end up finding in this world, was not what I expected or wanted, in fact,
it is much better than, much greater than, what I wanted.
It definitely was not what I was looking for, because it was a soul! This is what I lacked and could not fetch.
I discovered through the degree of the coldness of my desperation, that I lost in turn
myself and my person and in that desperation what I discovered that I had lost
and had no desire to find, but needed so intently to recover was much greater than my personality,
Because, in ways that I had not known what I was looking for
was always present in my life, in the greater picture of
what I sought, what I was so desperately trying to grasp in mid air. This is
love! Love in a broader sense, to have friendships and be compassionate towards friends.
When looking, I sought for someone to share souls with, but instead, I discover in that process
love in a general sense was lost. I was looking shallow and deep, near and far, narrow and wide, and yet
I could not allow myself to love and feel the compassionate feeling.
and in turn through my wasted years of my errrors, I learnt,
love, compassion, friendship, the greater picture, that's what's needed in life.