The news comes on as Halory Swanson and Angelo Johnson are live from the heaven holydome arena reporting the battle between archangels Grant and Maxamillius. "We are live from the HolyDome in heaven, where we will witness the fierce battle between two archangels.", said Halory. "Damn right, Halory. It is former vs current, predecessor vs successor, father vs son, Maxamillius vs Grant! Let's get right to the action.", said Angelo.
Thousands of people attend the battle, and so do Lük and Bea. "Oh, jeez. I didn't mean for this to happen. I just wanted them to reconcile.", said Bea. "Red, in this particular type of situation, reconciliation is forever out of the question.", said Lük. Bea gulps.
The heaven elites are at a box office preparing to watch the fight. "I don't see why a father and son have to fight to the death.", said Heather. "It's not to the death, Heather, due to the fact that nobody can ever die in heaven. It is only to severe injury. But yes, I agree with your statement.", said Jesus. "I don't care who wins. I just want to see them all maimed and bloody.", said God. "Man, I wish I was there, so that they can kill me after staying in the damn pearly gates for way too long.", said St. Peter. God laughs and says, "Oh, Pete. Always cracking us up." "Quiet, everyone. It's starting.", said Reverend Jinkins.
Grant and Maxamillius enter the battlefield while holding weapons. "You ready to beg for mercy, son.", said Maxamillius. "Are YOU ready to beg for respect, father.", said Grant. "ARE YOU READY TO ENTERTAIN US YET! START THE DAMN FIGHT!", said Lük from afar. "Very well. Hey, son. Lemme give you a hand!", said Maxamillius when he threw Grant face-first on the ground. "Ouch. That was low, even for you. Speaking of which...", said Grant when he punched Maxamillius in the scrotum. Grant used his morning star weapon against his father. "If you won't respect me, father. Then I'll have to beat respect out of you.", said Grant when he hit Maxamillius in the face with the morning star. "How does it feel, father. Huh? How does it feel?!", shouted Grant. "It feels like you stabbing my heart, or like me stabbing you!", said Maxamillius when he stabbed Grant in the knee with his sword. "AAAHHH! DEAR LORD, THE PAIN! MUCH LIKE THE PAIN IN MY HEART YOU PUT IN ME!", said Grant. "Ah, don't be such a crybaby, Grant. As a matter of fact...", said Maxamillius before biting Grant's wound on the knee. Grant screams and let's out a tear. "Ah, come now, son. It won't kill you to be sensitive.", said Maxamillius. "That's... where... you're... WRONG!", said Grant. The two suddenty trade slashes of weapons. "I can't watch.", said Bea. "But I can. Come on, now! I wanna see gore!", said Lük. "Well, if you insist, demon resident!", said Maxamillius when he tore open Grant's stomach with his sword. "Look at this, son. I just tore you open, like I tore your teeny tiny heart.", said Maxamillius when he grabbed Grant's guts. "Damn, why must you always come up with such abusive insults?", said Grant. "Told ya.", Lük said to Bea at the stand. Maxamillius then skips with Grant's colon. "Check it out, people. Insult to injury. [laugh]", said Maxamillius. "Oh, yeah. Let's see how you like it.", said Grant when he tore open his dad's stomach and stole his pancreas. He puts it on bread and eats it. "Mmm, bon appetit.", said Grant. "Oh, you like playing with organs, do ya? Try this on for size.", said Maxamillius when he used a fork to eat Grant's colon like spaghetti. "Mmm, tastes like disappointment, with an aftertaste of utter failure.", said Maxamillius. "That is it!", said Grant when he took out another of Maxamillius' organs and ate it. Soon afterwards, they both keep eating each other's organs like savages. The crowd is shocked at what they've seen, except for Lük, who enjoys watching it. "Gah! I can't take it anymore!", said Bea before running down to the battle. "STOOOOOOOOOOPPPP!", shouted Bea.
"Look at you! Look what you two have become! Lying down on your asses without any guts. Why can't you two just make up for God's sake. I can't stand you two fighting over something ridiculous. I've been trying so hard to get you two to love each other, like fathers and sons are supposed to do. Now will you two please make up already, cos if you don't. I won't sleep with any of you.", said Bea. "Won't sleep with any of us?!", said both Grant and Maxamillius. "OK, father. I admit it. I am selfish. I am incompetent. I am a loser. And I am one big disappointment. I always have been.", said Grant. "And I admit it also. I have been doubtful and disapproving to you all these years. I just wanted to push you to be the warrior I wanted you to be.", said Maxamillius. "And I should've trained all those years ago like you wanted, father. But I promise to you I'll start training right now, for you.", said Grant. "You don't have to, son.", said Maxamillius. "Why is that?", asked Grant. "Because you already are a great archangel and a great leader to the angelic guard... in my books.", said Maxamillius. "Really? You mean it?", asked Grant. "Yes, boy. It took me forever to say this, but now, I have never been more proud to have you as my son.", said Maxamillius. The father and son then hug and sob in joy. "Father!" "Son!" Bea watches as she wipes a tear off her face.
"What? That's it? That's how this battle ends? With some run-of-the-mill woman forcing them to make up?", said God. "Like it's said on the bible, 'Love is patient, love is kind'.", said Jesus.
"Oh, boy. You both did it. You're now friends again. I'm so happy for both of you. Well, my work here is done.", said Bea. "Not so fast, sweet cheeks. There's still the matter of our deal.", said Grant. "What deal?", asked Bea. "You said that if we reconciled, you would make love to me.", said Grant. "Make love. But that's what she told me.", said Maxamillius. "But she said it to me first, father.", said Grant. "The hell she did. I get to make love to her first.", said Maxamillius. "You can't do that.", said Grant. "Sure I can. I'm your father.", said Maxamillius. "Well, I'm more experienced in the bed than you.", said Grant. "Prove it.", said Maxamillius. "Pardon me, gentlemen, but I believe I have a solution that will make everyone happy.", said Lük when he unexpectedly showed up in the battlefield. He whispers to both Maxamillius and Grant. "[gasps] a fantastic idea, demon.", said Maxamillius. "I agree.", said Grant. "Come on, dollface. You're coming home with us.", said Maxamillius. "We're gonna give you the time of your life tonight.", said Grant. "Uh, Lük. Help me. HELP MEEEEEE!", said Bea when she was dragged away by Grant and Maxamillius. "Good luck, red. Don't get pregnant, or it won't just be YOUR problem.", said Lük. "[sigh] What a great day this was for me.", he also said.