I sat on that hard prison bed, just staring straight on at the wall. That was the only thought in my mind... God.
The other thoughts weren't from me. They were from him.
He was laughing in my head, laughing about how he got away with it all and it was just so dang easy for him.
I wish I had that confidence in myself right then. Instead, here I was, in the cold dark prison cell, just wondering when exactly had I lost my life and had been sentenced here... possibly forever.
I'm Podge, Padraig Andrego, formally. I had been set up for manslaughter and there was no way I could prove my own innocence.
Sorry if I'm not my usually light-hearted and bubbly self. I've been kicked around too much in the last few weeks that depression from within was the only viable way for me to feel.
I've always been the jokester, but now? The joke was on me.
If you haven't guessed, this story is about my time in prison... and my time getting to know... him.
Not LUKE. No. He was the one I wish never existed in this universe.
I mean, the big one... God.
Or how I'd soon be mocked because of my belief in him.
It was the first few nights after I had somehow "settled" into my new routine. The routine of nothingness.
And that's when he answered me, the first time I had decided to ask.
I had been crying, and I whispered the word, "God...?"
Luke mocked me as I asked for the creator. Telling me I really had hit rock bottom. But I didn't care.
I didn't expect a response, yet a part of me was hoping for something, anything to keep me holding onto life and hope.
So there I was that night, laying on my cold hard bed.
And then, he spoke... and I froze in complete terror.
The voice was loud and deep. It seemed to reverberate through my body and being. I knew who it was somehow, without even asking.
He said it again and I swallowed. I looked to the dark ceiling above me and uttered out in real words.
"Are you... really Him?"
Yes, He said once more before adding a new piece of information in His next deep soul bounding words, Yes, I am.
I began to slowly sit up but his powerful force would stricken me to stay on my back.
"Why...?" I asked, afraid but knowing somehow, someway, that he was not going to harm me, "Why... why everything?"
Why everything? He replied gently and suddenly I found myself floating in the universe, seeing planets, stars, and galaxies collide and explode in the very fabric of space, Why anything? Why NOTHING?
I looked down at my floating body. In a way, it felt like I was deep underwater with how I floated there... in a way.
I never saw his face though... just the images and visions he gave to me in my head. Within seconds I was falling into the deep black void and I jolted up back on my bed.
I had fallen asleep, and this was either a sign... or just a dream.
But there was something I was shown in my mind's inner eye... something I did not understand... or understand yet.
A golden locket... with a picture of a boy I didn't know...
The image only lasted in my head for less than thirty seconds, but it would be inscribed in my memory forever.
I slowly glanced my eyes around, scared but not afraid – if that makes any sense. I then suddenly didn't feel alone anymore. But my body and mind told me I was. Told me I had imagined all that had happened before me.
That God had never spoken to me.
But I never listen to my mind or body... I listen to my heart.
I whispered to the empty air, feeling some sort of presence that was there, that had always been there but that I had never witnessed or felt before.
"God... help..." Tears were welling in my dark brown eyes as I slowly wrapped the light blanket moreover myself and pleaded to this entity I knew so very little of, "P-please, help m-me..."
I lay there trembling and closed my eyes weakly. I just sobbed... I just wept. I was by myself, yet wasn't alone, and realized then I had never been.
Was I going crazy? I'd only been in prison for a few days... but I knew a crazy person wouldn't be able to act so sound or would know they were possibly losing it.
I wasn't crazy. But that deep heavenly voice... where was it coming from. And Why was it coming to me?
So many questions, He said in a soft warm voice, that of a father... a father I'd never be fully able to comprehend, And so many I will answer for you...
I saw an image of that same boy in the locket, and how he was grey and old... how he was close to death. Then he died, with tears of sadness in his eyes. Beside him stood Luke... cold, calculating...but defeated.
I didn't understand these visions, what did they mean. God only said to me once more.
You will know, in time...
Will he kill me...? I asked in trembling thoughts, Will I be like that old man... die, alone?
All will come when you need to know all...
But for now? I whispered in my head afraid.
Now, just rest... know, I am here... I am always here.
His big powerful booming yet gentle voice left me then, and I turned around in my bed, shivering there and almost weeping the rest of the night away.
But as I got up that following morning... the pain, the deep inner heartache wasn't hurting so much. It just felt like a weak inner aching.
I don't know how, I don't know why... but I felt safe and alive. And I knew then that things would be fixed and sorted, not by me but the universe.
Not by the universe alone... but by God.
I also knew one more thing. The moment I told anyone else about him I would be mocked and laughed at, people would worry for me.
That's what my brain and body told me.
But my heart disagreed. And it was saying to me.
Let's just see how this turns out...
Let's. Just. See.