When I first started writing this fiction, I told the story of how a demon from the fiery nether region was relocated to the land above. Well, apparently, the truth has in fact been fabricated. So now I will tell you the REAL story of how Lüktipher Demonson was sent to Heaven and met his future best friend, Bea Mackmill. So, here we go.

Voiceover: Hell, a place of eternal damnation, a place of utter torture, the treacherous abode of the damned, home of the most evil, most destructive, strongest, most handsome devil alive, and certainly a better leader of an entire land than that wretched white-bearded so-called almighty God!

Moving to Satan's throne room. "Ahem, read that out to me, Hitler.", said Satan who was revealed to be the voiceover. "You are a better leader zan zat wretched God.", said Adolf Hitler, Satan's second-in-command. "Damn right I am.", said Satan. "[sigh] You know, Hitler. It's exhausting to rule an entire land of god damn damnation.", said Satan. "Zat's why you hired me as your second-in-command, because I'm ze second most evil person in hell.", said Hitler. "I would've chosen Benedict Arnold, but we all presume what that will lead to.", said Satan as he muses about Benedict Arnold taking over as the new ruler of Hell while holding and crushing Satan's skeleton and laughing maniacally. Satan shudders. "Anyvay, mein lordship, here are ze profits from ze previous month." said Hitler. Satan takes a look at the profits. "What the f'n hell am I looking at, Dolf? This arrow is pointing down.", said Satan. "Vell, vhat did you expect? Soul torturing has plummeted due to lack of vicked people dying from ze living world.", said Hitler. "I cannot believe this. And what of my subjects?", said Satan. "Zey are getting pissed about not torturing new souls, and I fear zey might go on strike.", said Hitler. "Alright, alright... OK. So, we have number of souls decreasing, my minions are getting pissed off, and I am losing money by the minute.", said Hitler. "Vat do you suggest ve do, mein liege?", said Hitler. "There's only one thing we can do right now.", said Satan.

Meanwhile, a demon by the name of Lüktipher Demonson gets out of his house, ready to start the day torturing souls. He starts whipping them with a morning star, dropping them upside down in lava, skinning them with a blade, crushing them with a bulldozer with spikes. He was happy with the life he had... until. A messenger demon lands from the sky and says, "Lüktipher Demonson, you have been summoned by his evil lordship, Satan. He demands to see you at once.", said the messenger demon. "Satan wants to see me? Maybe he's gonna give me a promotion. I've been dying for one for a millennia.", said Lük.

The messenger demon takes Lük to Satan's place on top of a mountain. Lük is taken to Satan's throne room, where Satan and Hitler are present. "Demonson arrives, as you requested, my lord.", said the messenger demon. "Thank you, messenger. Now leave us.", said Satan as the messenger closes the doors. "Ah, Lüktpher Demonson. I have been expecting your presence.", said Satan. "Well, Satan... sir, I'm really honored to meeting you right now.", said Lük. Satan then tells Hitler to offer Lük some alcohol. Lük takes it and drinks it. "I'm assuming you have some news for me.", said Lük. "Well, actually, yes. Lükthipher, what do you know about our profits?", said Satan. "You mean the number of souls demons torture for your own amusement.", said Lük. "Correct. However, recently there has been a slight complication. Recent discovery has shown the number of souls showing up, or in this case showing down to hell [smirk] has sadly dropped.", said Satan. "Oh, shit, man. I'm sorry." said Lük. "I know. And my subjects are going to be very upset. And I will lose money. You don't want that to happen, do you, Lüktipher?", said Satan. "God, no. Hell should be a supporting place for us demons.", said Lük. "Of course. Now, here's a thought. What do you think is the cause of my profits crumbling down to smithereens?", said Satan. "Well, if I had to guess, I'd say we would need new weaponry. I think the demons are getting sick and tired of using the same old weapons.", said Lük. "You don't say. And may I ask how we will afford these new weaponry for my minions?", asked Satan. "Gee, uh, I would probably guess we would... uh, make budget cuts or something.", said Lük. "Budget cuts, huh? You know, we couldn't possibly afford anything new with my profits dropping lower than people leaving smelly ones inside toilets. So that is why, Lüktipher, I am thinking of going ahead with your suggestion.", said Satan. "Whaddya mean, sir?", asked Lük. "Lük, how should I put this out calmly and without any hesitation... I am officially letting you go.", said Satan. "Well, alright. For a sec there I thought you were gonna give me harsh news like letting me go.", said Lük before spitting out the alcohol and shouting, "LETTING ME GO?! You mean I'm fired?!" "Don't take it personally. I like to refer to it as maintaining the profits for the sake of this land.", said Satan. "It is for ze best, demon.", said Hitler. "No, no, you don't understand. You can't fire me. I've been your best worker... no, I've been your greatest worker. I've been torturing more souls than any other demon in Hell for a millennia, and this is how you repay me?", said an angry Lük. "Calm down, Lüktipher.", said Satan. "No, you calm down, you big red son of a bitch! Are your fucking profits more important than me?! Huh?! Is that what you think, you piece of fiery shit?!", said a pissed off Lük. "Lük, please understand, I'm making a layoff for a reason. Too many jobs mean no money for me. I'm sorry, but my mind is made up.", said Satan. "But...", said Lük. "My mind's made up! Hitler, take Demonson to the cannon.", said Satan. "Yes, mein liege.", said Hitler "Cannon, what cannon?", said Lük.

At the entrance to Hell, there is a large and tall cannon placed outside the entrance. "This is the cannon we use to blast former minions out of Hell.", said Satan. "Uh, since when do you have a cannon to shoot out anyone out of Hell?", said Lük. "Well, I only used it once for personal reasons. It was around 20 years ago... anyway, that's not important. Hitler, put him in.", said Satan as Hitler throws Lük into the cannon. "You can't do this do me, motherfucker! A whole millennium I've spent in Hell and you stab me in the fucking back like that?! I will never forgive or forget, asshole.", said an angry Lük. "Trust me, Demonson. You could thank me for this one day", said Satan. "Fire!", he shouted as Hitler pulled the string to activate the cannon. And suddenly, Lük is now blasted out of Hell.

A few minutes later, Lük continues to be shot upwards to the sky. He then sees a large patch of white, which turns out to be a cloud. He passes through the cloud. When he does, he sees a blue sky. He tilts down horizontally, crashing onto what appears to be a golden pole. He slides down head first. When he lands, he sees that the pole is actually part of a tall, giant gate. A gray-bearded man approaches Lük and says, "Uh, can I help you?" "Wha- Whe- Where in the hell am I?", said a dizzy Lük. "Oh, this isn't Hell, buddy. In fact, it's the opposite.", said the bearded man. "Opposite?", asked Lük. before he suddenly realizes he's in front of the pearly gates of Heaven. He says to himself, "Oh, goddamnit."