Today is the big day of the bowling tournament
Howard Cosell commentates.
"Welcome, bowling fans to the 3179th Heaven bowling tournament. This is where the best bowlers in Heaven not only sweep the lanes with rolling balls, but sweep the heart of many inspired people. This year's bowling tournament is far different from all the others, because the greatest bowling champions, The Heaven Elites, have outlasted all that have challenged them. All except one team. This new team have stepped up to the 9-time bowling champions. Can they stop the Elites' path for championship #10, or will The Elites remain dominant in the bowling lane. God only knows, despite being in this tournament."
"And now it's time to introduce the teams. First, the undefeated 9-time bowling champions of Heaven, they are the highest-ranked syndicate in the white-clouded land... The Heaven Elites."
The Heaven Elites walk into the alley looking all bold and confident.
"And the challengers, making their first and only debut in the tournament. They are the mediocre rookies with unexpected talent. Led by a a spawn of the big red devil himself. Ladies and gentlemen, introducing... The Poontang Clan!"
The Poontang Clan enter the alley in style by walking slowly and making hip hand gestures.
"Get ready to suck it, Elite buncha pricks." said Lük.
"Yeah. What he said." said Bea.
"You're gonna eat our dust, pendejos." said Di.
"Yeah. What he said." said Bea.
"Prepare to feel the powerful pain of your own defeat." said Horoshi.
"Yeah. What he said." said Bea.
"Bea. That's enough." said Lük.
"Yeah. What he said." said Stroodle.
"Ha. So what if you suddenly got good at bowling, we'll still kick your sorry behinds." said God.
"In the spirit of teamwork, I like to wish you the best of luck, Poontang Clan." said Jesus.
"Shut it, JC. We're not here to wish them luck. We're here to gloat after we win." said Grant.
"Well, all that gloating ain't gonna win you anything once we crush your #10 dreams." said Lük.
"Oh, it is on." said God.
"And so begins the tournament between The Heaven Elites and The Poontang Clan. The players are headed to their respective lanes." said Howard Cosell.
God throws the first bowl, and throws it like a boss as he gets the first strike of the tournament.
"Oh, and down goes all 10 pins, courtesy of the almighty himself." said Howard Cosell.
"Beat that, Poon-stank Clan." said God.
Lük throws his bowling ball and gets a strike of his own.
"And the demon also gets 10 pins down." said Howard Cosell.
Lük smiles and sticks out a middle finger at the Elites, angering the Elites.
Next, Heather picks up a ball, and swings hard toward the lane, knocking down all 10 pins.
Poontang Clan's Bea skips toward the lane, and throws the ball, scoring a strike in the process.
"OOH! SUCK IT, BEE-YOTCH!" Bea said to her own mother.
"I'm terribly, terribly sorry, mom." Bea whispered to Heather.
"I JUST ONE UP'D YOUR OLD ASS GOOD!" said Bea.
"I swear I'm deeply sorry about this." whispered Bea
"IMMA DANCE ON YOUR GRAVE ONE DAY!" said Bea.
"It's not me, it's the bowling talk." said Bea.
Next is Grant, where he throws the bowling ball up in the air and punches it with his fist, aiming at the pins and knocking them all down.
Horoshi is next, where he holds the blade of his sword to use the handle to hit the bowling ball and getting a strike.
Horoshi cheers, despite bleeding out his hands.
Jesus comes up and calmly throws the bowling ball.
"As it is said in the bible, they who wait shall renew their strength." said Jesus.
"Oh, Christ. Will he ever shut up about bible verses." said God
Jesus doesn't hit all the pins.
"Oh, a major blow for the Son of God." said Howard Cosell.
"This is why we should not allow him to train with us." said Reverend Jinkins.
Di Aubelo prepares to throw his ball.
But first, he uses a drill to enlarge the holes due to his large fingers.
He goes back a little.
He throws the ball and it bounces toward the lane and he gets a strike.
He kisses his fingers and says "Excelente, Perra."
Elites' Jinkins prepares to hit his ball and says "For our lord."
Unfortunately, Jinkins misses a few pins.
"I have failed you, my lord." said Jinkins.
Stroodle places his bowling ball near the line, and kicks it like a horse, surprisingly hitting all 10 pins.
"And a perfect 10 for the hobo of the Poontang Clan." said Howard Cosell.
The Poontang Clan had higher scores than the Heaven Elites.
The Elites where on thin ice.
"Alright, those 'talented' rookies might outshine us, but we can get the advantage again. Everyone remember the plan." said Grant.
The Elites all nod, except for Jesus.
"I prefer not to get dirty and ruin the competition's chances of beating us in a friendly game." said Jesus.
"Shut it, son." said God.
"Yes, father." said Jesus
And so, the Elites secretly replace The Poontang Clan's bowling balls with fake balls.
The game continues, and Lük throws a fake ball, which falls into pieces.
"What the fuck?" said Lük.
Bea throws her ball, which turns out to be a balloon, and it pops.
"[gasp] Just like what the beavers did." said a sad Bea.
Horoshi throws his, which shaters everywhere.
"What trickery is this?" said Horoshi.
Di throws his, which is actually glued onto his hand.
It swings back and hits his eye.
Stroodle kicks his like a horse, and has it stuck on his foot.
When Stroodle kicks it off, he hits a spectator.
"Oh, no. What in God's name has happened to the Poontang Clan. They're crushing it more than Al Gore's chances of becoming president down in the living world." said Howard Cosell.
The Elites secretly smirk, as they continue to score perfect strikes and take the lead.
"What happened out there? We were actually gaining the advantage. How are we blowing it now?" said Lük.
"Pardon me, Lük-san, but judging by this piece of glass, this big hole in this ball and the glued ball on Di Aubelo's face, I have a strong feeling that we are being sabotaged by the competition." said Horoshi.
"What? Would they really try to make us lose on purpose?" said Bea.
Lük looks at the Elites.
They act all innocent.
"Probably." said Lük.
He decides to come up with his own plan of sabotage.
The Poontang Clan huddles up.
Later, the game continues again.
Howard Cosell says "So it's come down to this. The final round of the tournament. Who will walk out here as bowling champions?"
God prepares to swing his ball, when it electrocutes him.
"Oh, my. The almighty God just got zapped. I repeat. God just got zapped." said Howard Cosell.
Lük smirks at God.
Heather throws her ball.
It suddenly floats, thanks to a fishing rod used by Bea.
The ball hits another spectator.
Grant punches his ball, but it breaks, and why?
Because his ball is made out of cement.
Jesus prepares to swing his ball, until he somehow gets bitten by a rabid badger.
Reverend Jinkins prepares to swing his, but spikes suddenly appear on the ball and lodge through his hand.
4 of the Poontang Clan make perfect strikes, resulting in a tie.
"And the score is level. It all comes down to the captain of the Poontang Clan. Can he shock the world and win this one for his team? Or will he fail miserably and let his team down and have respect lost by everybody in this bowling alley? Oh, the suspense. It's killing me." said Howard Cosell.
Finally, Lük prepares to swing his last ball of the game and break the tie.
When he does, God instructs the Elites to stop him.
And so, they do.
"What's this. The Elites appear to be blocking the demon's way so that he can't make the final swing." said Howard Cosell.
"You're not winning this one, demon." said Grant.
"Don't worry, Lük-san. We got your back." said Horoshi.
The rest of the Poontang Clan use their bowling skills to stop the Elites by swinging (and kicking) their balls at the Elites, from their foreheads, to their groins.
"NOW, LÜK!" shouted Bea.
Lük swings the ball.
The Elites chase after it, despite being badly hurt by the Poontang Clan's crazy actions.
The ball hits the pins, but one pin is still moving.
Everybody leans forward.
God tries to stop the last pin from falling, but he slips on another and collapses, shaking the pin and knocking it down.
"AND IT IS A STRIKE! THE POONTANG CLAN WIN! THE POONTANG CLAN WIN!" shouted Howard Cosell
The Poontang Clan celebrate their victory and lift Lük up in the air.
"YEAAAHHHH! WHOOOOOO! UP YOURS, ASSHOLES!" said Lük when he flipped the deafeated Elites off.
"NOOOOOO!" shouted Reverend Jinkins.
The Poontang Clan lift the trophy together.
Then, two women congratulate Di.
"That was so incredible what you did." said one women.
"I love winners." said another.
"Really? Well, how about we take this to my casa, muchachas." said Di as he left with the two women.
Meanwhile, "Well, at the plus side, at least we had some fun." said Jesus.
"Shut the fuck up, Jesus." said the rest of the Elites.
"Mr. Demonson. How does it feel to topple the bowling giants in this high-stakes game?" Howard Cosell said to Lük.
"Jeez, well, I didn't even think we'd actually defeat the Elite, the greatest and most powerful group in all of Heaven. I sorta feel sorry for them. Then again, we kicked their asses, and now we're gonna gloat at'em." said Lük.
The Poontang Clan gloat at the Elites.
"Ha-Ha! We cost you #10." said Lük.
"Now you know how it feels the other way round." said Horoshi.
"Poontang Clan 4 life." said Stroodle.
"Yeah! What they all saiii-" said Bea before collapsing.
"Holy shit! Bea!" said Lük.
"Beatris!" said Heather
Lük finds blood coming out of Bea's ear.
"Oh, that ain't good" said Lük.
A day later, the Poontang Clan are at the hospital, where Dr. Featherton says to them "I'm afraid Ms. Mackmill here has brain cancer."
"Cancer?!" shouted Lük.
"Yes. I'm afraid so. What could possibly give this young woman such a dangerous piece of tumor on her head?" said Dr. Featherton.
Lük starts thinking, then he says, "Schmitty(!)"
Meanwhile, Schmitty destroys his knowledge machine and says "Damn. Damn. Damn. I should've tested this machine before using it on my own granddaughter. I'm not going to jail this time."
He burns the machine.