8:11 PM, September 7, 2021
I started showering in the dark again recently
And I come out of the shower, into the dark
I wrap myself in the towel and sit on the floor
And I whisper ever-so-quietly to myself, that nobody might hear me,
And I stare off into nothing
And I hear nothing beyond myself.
When I wave my arms in front of my face
I realize I'm halfway to nothing already.
And in those moments I imagine what it's like to be dead
I wonder if this is the nothingness they speak of
I'm afraid of nothingness, but I suppose I'm familiar with it now, at least.
In those moments I think only of a more peaceful time than this:
I'm standing in a choir assembly,
Singing 'Do-di-li, va'ani...'
And I think to myself, these ten seconds are the most peaceful I've ever had
And I think to myself, those ten seconds are the most peaceful I've ever had
And I wave my arms in front of my face and I see nothing and I am nothing.
I guess it's kind of funny that she thought she was talking to a boy
And I thought she was talking to a boy
but in the end she was talking to nothing at all.
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