Fake News Reports!

The price of gas has gotten so high it's become cheaper to buy cocaine and just run everywhere.

Jack Dorsey Announces He Is Stepping Down As Twitter CEO!

In a related story:

NO ONE CARES BUT JACK DORSEY!

THIS JUST IN:

CNBC's Jim Cramer DEMANDS Joe Biden Impose A Nationwide Vaccine Mandate And Use The Military To Enforce It!

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" he could be heard screaming as he was being led away from his studio.

A Team Of USA Today Reporters Studying 126 Years Of Federal Data Have Determined That Rainfall This Year Is High Due To Climate Change!

Oh, how I long for the days when it never rained.

THIS JUST IN:

Police Involved In A Shootout In NW Albuquerque!

"Is it Thursday already?" police spokesman Gilbert Gallegos says, shaking his head.

In A Television Interview About The Fatal Movie Set Shooting Where Cinematographer Halyna Hutchins Was Tragically Killed, Alec Baldwin Reveals He "Didn't Pull The Trigger"!

Alec! It's been over a month! Why didn't you tell someone?

"Nobody asked."

Black Lives Matter Calls For A Month-Long Boycott Of All "White Companies"!

"We're taking our flash-looting elsewhere," a BLM spokesman confirmed.

The Los Angeles Times Reports That A White Drama Professor At Coastal Carolina University Told A Group Of Student To Stop Getting "Their Feelings Hurt So Easily"!

"WAAAAAA!" the students replied.

Having friends on Social Media is like having money in Monopoly.

Things That Make Me Go Hmm:

Why are babies the only things that come out of a person's body that nobody minds touching?

THIS JUST IN:

Joe Biden Catches Cold!

Forces it to get the vaccine and wear a mask.

Jim Duchene

Fake News Chief Correspondent

read my RaisingDad humor column for caregivers at Desert Exposure Magazine

desertexposure dot com