Just saw HBO Max's super-duper Harry Potter 20th Anniversary show WITHOUT JK Rowling.

Like The Tin Man, it was missing its heart.

"GUILTY!" the judge said, and sentenced me to the electric chair.

"What should I do?" I asked my lawyer.

"Don't sit down," he said.

The Telegraph Reports That British Jihadist Malik Faisal Akram—The Texas Synagogue Terrorist—Was Allowed To Enter The U.S. Despite Having A Series Of "Red Flag Warnings"!

Seems he correctly answered the most important question:

"Will you vote Democrat?"


"Welcome to America."

The Bloomberg QuickTake Reports That North Korea Has Fired TWO MORE Missiles In It's Aggressive 2022 Barrage!

"And who's going to stop us?" portly dictator Kim Jong-Un wants to know. "Joe Biden? Don't make me laugh. Ha, ha, ha. I SAID DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH!"

Texas' Future Governor, Democrat Beto O'Rourke Has Raised $7.2 Million Since Declaring His Candidacy In November!

"You know PT Barnum's saying about suckers?" the lanky politician asks. "It's true."

Alabama Football Coach Nick Saban Adds His Name To A Letter Urging Joe Manchin To Federalize All Elections!

And what's his opinion on China's Uyghur genocide or their poisoning of Americans with Fentanyl?

"I don't get into politics," he says.

In Preparation For The Olympics China Arrests Its Activists And Warns Foreign Athletes Not To Publicly Criticize Its Inhumane Policies!

"That seems reasonable," LeBron James says, checking his bank statement.

I'm not saying traffic was heavy, but when I pressed in the cigarette lighter, the lady in the car in front of me had me arrested!

Bloomberg Opinion Goes Out Of It's Way To Discourage Americans From Getting Married!

Funny, but you would think knowing married people would be enough to discourage Americans from getting married.

I'm not fat.

I'm just six inches too short.

Jim Duchene

Fake News Chief Correspondent

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