Fake News Reports!

"A bum asked me for a biteā€¦ so I bit him."

FALSE!

Twitter fact-checkers have determined there is no evidence of Henny Youngman ever biting a bum.

A Clinical Study Has Shown Ivermectin Does NOT Help With Covid-Xi!

In a related story, a clinical study has determined that Ivermectin DOES help with Covid-Xi.

Trust the experts, kids.

According To The Huffington Post, Experts Suggest That Even If You DON'T Have Covid-Xi, You Could STILL Have Covid-Xi!

Trust the experts, kids.

"I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. What he was doing in my pajamas, I'll never know."

FALSE!

Twitter fact-checkers have determined that an elephant could not have fit in Groucho Marx's pajamas.

The Thirst Trap:

Your badge can get you women, but women can get your badge.

"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

FALSE!

Twitter fact-checkers have determined that Bob Hope is incorrect.

It is not possible for anyone to get to an age where candles would cost more than cake.

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."

FALSE!

Twitter fact-checkers have determined that E.D. medication has eradicated that problem.

Sadly, George Burns died before they were developed.

"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong."

FALSE!

Although Milton Berle's wife may have been the exception, Twitter fact-checkers have determined that a wife will NEVER forgive her husband.

ESPECIALLY when she is the one who is wrong.

"Take my wife. PLEASE!"

FALSE!

Twitter fact-checkers have determined that after 58 years of staying married to his wife Sadie,

it is unlikely that anyone ever took Henny Youngman up on his offer.

"I got fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job."

It is Twitter's policy to not fact-check anything concerning Hunter Biden.

Jim Duchene

Fake News Chief Correspondent

read my RaisingDad humor column for caregivers at

Desert Exposure Magazine

desertexposure dot com