Sabrina the Witch Vs Sponge Bob

Disclaimer: I always have a complete story outline before posting anything. Well, not this time. I don't know where this story is going, so if you have any ideas or suggestions, I would appreciate them.

Sponge Bob is a product of Passing for Human and Sabrina came from The Tutor from Hell, but you don't have to read them prior to reading this story. However, if you do read them, I guarantee you will enjoy them. They are my two most popular stories on fp.

Chapter 1: Meeting

A small, well-dressed, stunning woman has just been ushered into Dean Jordan's office. He thinks this is going to be pleasant. She has a determined, business-like appearance, and she seems somewhat irritated about something. Dean Jordan is all smiles, but realizes this might be difficult.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Ga—"

She interrupts, cutting off the 'How are you' and 'Pleased to meet you' pleasantries as a waste of time. "Dean Jordan, I'm here about my scatter-brained daughter, Sabrina. She needs a different tutor than the one you assigned her."

"Very well, Ms. Gable, I'm sure we can find a suitable tutor for your daughter. What seems to be the problem?"

"The problem is . . . my daughter. She's a ditzy blonde airhead. She thinks it will help her fit in out here in California. She wants to become an actor. Previously, she wanted to be a boxer. She had five professional fights before deciding to try her luck at acting."

Dean Jordan says, "Sabrina seems a bit flighty and headstrong."

"Yes, she is. And to put it nicely, she isn't very intelligent, but I want her to have a college education to fall back on when this acting fiasco crashes. She has the looks, but she can't act."

"Well, uh—"

She cuts Dean Jordan off again. "When Sabrina got out of high school, I got her into my alma-mater, Verdun, in Indiana. She went through three tutors and still flunked out."

"I'm familiar with Verdun, a very good school, Ms. Gable. Let me check my records. Your daughter's full name is . . . "

"Sabrina Marissa Gable."

After fumbling thru a file drawer, he comes up with one. Ah, yes . . . I remember meeting your daughter. She's impressive. Sabrina's guidance counselor, Ms. Stone, has spoken with Sabrina a few times. Ms. Stone's conclusion is that your daughter is . . . uh . . . difficult."

"She certainly is."

"Mary Thomas is her present tutor. I know Mary, personally. She's an experienced tutor, and a very nice young woman."

"That's the problem. She's too nice. She lets Sabrina intimidate her."

"Is that too much of a problem?"

"Yes it is! Sabrina isn't doing any studying. She needs a different tutor, someone who can get her to actually do some work. Otherwise, she'll flunk out of this school too."

"Well . . . this could be a job for Sponge Bob."

"Sponge Bob," Ms. Gable states incredulously!

"It's a nickname one of our professors hung on him. His mind is like a sponge, absorbing everything. He's probably the most intelligent student on campus."

"Sponge Bob sounds like a nerd. Sabrina will turn him wrong side out in no time."

"No, she won't be able to intimidate Sponge Bob. He did a tour in the Marines after high school before coming here to complete his education. His name is Zack, but he takes no offense at being called Sponge Bob. I think he likes it."

"If she can't intimidate Sponge Bob, Sabrina will find another way to out fox him. She's cunning and devious."

"Sponge Bob will see right through any of her devious schemes. He's tutored several of our at risk athletes. I know him, and his intelligence includes common sense."

"Were any of these at risk athletes female?"


"Is Sponge Bob married—engaged—or with a steady girlfriend?"


"Sabrina is very pretty, and she isn't above using her sex appeal to get her way."

"Sex appeal will have no affect on Sponge Bob. He's immune to feminine wiles."

"Really . . . I don't see how. . . Oh!"

"He isn't tutoring anyone this semester, but he has a weekend job, Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday, so this will be a Monday thru Thursday tutoring assignment, provided I can talk him into accepting Sabrina."

"Of course he'll accept her. Why wouldn't he? I'll be happy to pay the normal tutoring rate plus ten percent, plus a large bonus if Sabrina actually passes her classes and doesn't drop out of school."

"I'll be sure and mention the bonus to him. Sabrina sounds like a challenge, and Sponge Bob likes a challenge."

"I'd like to meet this Sponge Bob character to see for myself if he's acceptable. Can you get him over here? I'll wait."

"This is Friday afternoon so he's already on his way off campus to work. I'll talk to him about the tutoring assignment first thing Monday morning. You may meet him then."

"Thank you, Dean Jordan, but my flight back to Indiana is scheduled for tomorrow. If you think Sponge Bob is okay, I'll accept him. Please talk him into tutoring Sabrina. I'll go ahead and make out a check for the first two weeks in advance."

"Okay, I'm pretty sure Sponge Bob will take the assignment, especially if I present it to him as a challenge." He picks up a calculator, saying, "I'll figure it for you."

"Dean Jordan, I graduated from Verdun University, summa-come-laude. I'd better be able to figure ten percent in my head." She says it jokingly, and Dean Jordan joins her in a laugh.

"I can't make this payable to Sponge Bob, can I?"

"His name is Zackarious Taylor," and he spells it for her.

"Tell Mary I'm sorry, but Sabrina needs a more forceful tutor. I've already paid her for the rest of the month. Tell her to keep it as severance pay. I'm sure she's a good tutor and a nice person, but my daughter is a spoiled brat. Her father spoiled her by giving her everything she wanted. Now, it's up to me to get her straightened out.


On Monday, Dean Jordan says, "Zack, I have a tutoring challenge for you." He hands the check to Zack.

"Good. I was getting bored with afternoons off." Looking at the check, he says, "This says for two weeks, but the amount is too high."

"Ms. Gable requested a strong tutor, and she insisted on paying ten percent above the going rate. There will also be a bonus at the end of the semester provided your tutoring is successful."

"Okay, when do I start?"

"You're to meet her in the library at five this afternoon."

"Her? You mean Ms. Gable?"

"No. You'll be tutoring her daughter, Sabrina."

He tries to hand the check back, but Dean Jordan refuses to take it. "You know I don't socialize well with females."

"You don't have to socialize . . . just tutor."

"I don't think I can."

"You've already been paid in advance. Give it a try for two weeks. I told you it was a challenge. Prove that you're up to it."

The dean notifies Ms. Gable that it's a done deal. She calls her daughter.

"Sabrina, you're to meet your new tutor at five this afternoon in the library study area. Be there! Don't pull one of your absent minded stunts and forget to show up. His nickname is Sponge Bob. Do you know him?"


"You won't be able to bamboozle this one. He's reputed to be super intelligent, he's an ex-Marine, and, get this . . . he's gay."

"Mother, what are you trying to do to me? The last thing I need is a super smart-ass tutor who happens to be gay. He better not be too sweet."

"Meet him in the library at five - today - don't forget!"

At fifteen after five, purposely late, Sabrina enters the library and looks around. Good, there's nobody in here who looks like a smart-ass, gay tutor. I'm out of here.

"Hello there. You must be Sabrina. I'm your new tutor."

Oh no! He's good looking—impressive, muscular, athletic build, a short, no-nonsense haircut, and those eyes—intense, hazel, sparkling with gold flecks. He's . . . cool it, girl. He's gay.

"Yes, I'm Sabrina, but how did you know me?"

"Easy. Dean Jordan said to look for the most attractive girl on campus—and here you are."

He's nuts. My hair is loosely clutched up in a bun, most of it anyway. I'm wearing jeans and a long sleeve, Sloppy Joe shirt that's too big for me. I'm a mess. "You must be blind. I don't look attractive. In fact, I'm trying to look unattractive."

"You'll have to try harder if that's your goal."

I'm confused. Is this guy hitting on me?

"I'm not hitting on you. I'm merely making an observation."

How did he know what I was thinking? "You—uh—must be Sponge Bob."

"Sponge Bob is a nickname. I'm Zack."

"I was told you're an ex-marine."

"There's no such thing."


"There's no such thing as an ex-Marine: once a Marine—always a Marine."

"Oh. Okay, if you say so."

"Shall we have a seat and get started?"

I firmly announce, "I don't want you for my tutor."

"Why not?"

"I don't like you."

"Wow! That was quick. Am I that bad—already?"

"I don't want a Marine Corps drill instructor tutoring me."

"I wasn't a D I. I can tone it down. I'm a college dude now."

"It's obvious that you and I are not going to get along."

"That's not a prerequisite for tutoring. We don't have to like each other—just tolerate. Besides, I already deposited your mother's check for the first two weeks, so we might as well sit down and get started. Maybe we can tolerate each other."

After a deep sigh of resignation, I give up. We find a study table for two and sit down.

He asks, "Which subjects are you having trouble with?"

"All of them."

He laughs. "This is going to be fun."

"Not for me, it isn't."