Let go.

I wanted to let go of this life and all that I had done in it.

I wanted to forget.

I wanted the sweet taste of death.

I was standing there at that cliff, afraid I was going to take a step off it and fall to the ocean below, the abyss.

I closed my eyes gently, and when I opened them again, I found I was asleep in a bed.

I slowly sat up, looking around, and I saw I was in a hospital ward, all by myself.

I remained still for a moment, gazing out the door and seeing nurses in white scrubs pass me by.

"Excuse me," I whispered out to one that passed, but she never heard me, "EXCUSE ME."

One blinked, surprised by my awoken consciousness and she came through the door, standing by my side.

"Yes, Ma'am?"

"How did I get here...?"

"Here..?" She repeated back, and tilted her head a little, confused, "Don't you remember..? He brought you in?"

"W-who?" I asked, I begged to know and she only smiled weakly.

"Your Father."

"I think you're mistaken, miss." I told her back, my heart quaking at the mention of that man, "My dad died years ago."

"That's all I can tell you." She responded, not coldly but just seeming indifferent in the matter. I sighed heavily and laid my head back on my pillow, closing my eyes and seeing myself back at that cliff.

My foot was just hovering over the edge and I heard him shout.

"DON'T!"

I froze.

I slowly turned around and saw a man, a handsome shining man in the near distance, reaching out his hand to grab my own.

"Please, Miriam..." He begged me, and I gulped my dry throat in pain.

"P-please,"

"You're dead... dad," I replied, my words broken and in pain, "You d-died."

"NO." He replied, trying to catch my hand but I pulled it away, and stumbled just the slightest at the edge of the cliff, "I just MOVED on."

"I w-want to move on." I said back, my voice quaky and quiet. I turned to look back at the ocean and only saw an ocean of lava was now before me.

My eyes widened, and I jumped back from the cliff when suddenly the rocks at the edge broke and I tripped forward.

I screamed as I fell, but his hand caught me just in time, and I dangled there, terrified, in his grip.

"Don't let go..." He told me, and I just gazed at him, my tears turning to blood as they ran down my cheeks, "Don't ever let go."

I shut my eyes, and before I knew it, I was back in the hospital ward by myself.

I slowly took a deep panicked breath out and turned my eyes to the end of the bed, seeing that shining man standing at the edge.

"Why...?" I asked him, and closed my eyes again, resting back on my pillow as I muttered the words, "Why save me?"

"Why..?" He replied back, and I could hear the smile in his voice, "Because... I love you."

I tensed up the moment he said that opening my pained eyes again and just looking to see that there was no one there.

Because I love you.

"Me?" I said to myself, his words flittering through my confused mind, "How can you love me... when I can't even love myself."

~x~

"Don't let go."

It had been three months now and I was standing at the cliffs again. A part of me hoped he'd come back a second time and save me once more.

A part of me hoped.

"I w-won't, Dad."

I said this to myself, to the world, to the universe.

I turned away from the lava and looked into the light.

When I blinked, it was all gone... the ocean still rioting below with its waves... the cliffs covered with grass and rocky stones.

I saw a hand reach out to me and I looked at the baby that was being held in my arms... he was only two months old.

I took a deep breath in and left the cliff.

I told my newborn son the quiet sad words.

"I can't,"

He looked at me silently, his blue eyes stare penetrating in his gaze.

"Because... I love you."

I loved him... and love... that was what was going to win.

Not letting go of the future... but releasing the past instead.

"So please, son," I whispered to him as I sat back in the car and placed him in the baby chair, "Please never let go of me,"

I smiled in tears and started up the car.

I had gone through with the pregnancy... I had not let go... and holding on was the best thing I could've done.

Seeing his hand at birth, grab hold and curling around my finger.

"I love you," I had said. And he didn't let go.

No... he held my finger... just as I held him to me.

We drove home... and carried on living.

I didn't lose my grip...

And I gained a family instead.