she didn't actually smoke
no, but the idea was there
a drawn out death

like her predecessors

a grandmother died because of this
and an aunt of hers followed suit
the others smoked

would she meet this fate, too?

would her cremains be indistinguishable
from burnt tobacco?

or would they be like asphalt
(she knows not the texture of cremains)

somehow, she muses
that, perhaps, she'd have cigarette
with a few glasses of wine

(as her imagination tends to go)

straddling a line betwixt melancholy
and being a machine

she mused that
most of her family had to be suicidal
acting on it

(in an indirect way)

would this be her fate
or would she wish it was?

(dying either because of the family curse or with it?)

she didn't actually smoke
no, but the idea was there