"What do I believe now that I'm no longer Christian?" Joel repeated the question that his elder son asked as they ate lunch atop the mountain peak.

A year had passed since the 46-year-old Joel Hyles left the ministry. His elder son Kurt was now 17 years old.

"This is going to sound anticlimactic, but my beliefs honestly haven't changed all that much. Don't lie, don't steal, don't cheat, don't covet things that don't belong to you, work hard, pay your bills, obey the law, respect authority, spend less than you make, save up, honor your family, be loyal to your friends, be at peace with your enemy, don't do or take or give anything in excess, own up to your mistakes, make restitutions when necessary, avoid being in the same room with a woman who isn't your spouse or your mother to avoid being compromised, and get stuff down in writing so that the other party can't backpedal and claim no such agreement was made in the first place." Joel expounded.

"Do you believe in God?"

"I believe there is A GOD. I don't believe in evolution. I think someone had to have created and set all things into motion. Just as complex electronics like phones and televisions and computers were engineered, a human body, which is infinitely more complex than any of those things, has to have a maker."

"But you don't believe it's the God of the King James Bible?"

"I accept the possibility. But for now? No. I don't. I think this God is largely, for the most part, uninvolved with our day-to-day affairs and that we are responsible for our own choices, for good or worse. It's our choice to do good to our neighbor, or to do evil, and to face the consequences thereof."

"Do you think there is an objective moral standard or is it all subjective?"

"I want to answer in the former. But let's face it. If the Bible is really an objective and absolute truth, that is still you, a subjective, prejudiced, and biased human being who is constantly influenced by external factors interpreting a supposedly objective text. If not, why do we have schisms and church splits? Why do Christians, from people just getting started to people who have been reading and studying the Bible for years, come to vastly different conclusions on the same passages? Why can't we agree on things as fundamental as salvation and the nature of atonement? Supposedly, all these people have Holy Spirit guiding them to the truth."

"Or better yet, why is it that unbelievers, who do not have the spirit can read the passages and come to the same conclusion as believers." Kurt laughed as they ate.

Joel laughed as well. "If there is a Holy Spirit that is telling believers different things, it would not be a Holy Spirit. It would be a lying, devious one."

"Dad, careful. You might be on the verge of committing the unpardonable sin." Kurt warned jokingly.

"Except I haven't, because I never attributed the works of God to the works of the devil. I believe the works of God, with few outliers, to be the works of men."

"What about hell?"

"What about it?"

"Do you still believe it?" Kurt asked cautiously.

Joel turned quiet and serious. For a moment, Kurt wondered if he crossed a line he wasn't supposed to.

"My short answer to that is yes and no. No, I currently do not believe in the existence of the hell described in the Bible, but I do believe in the possibility and live as if it might be real. I believe we ought to be judged based on how we behaved towards our neighbors and whether or not we helped the poor, which I did and still do."

Joel paused, pondering his next words.

"That said, there is one hell I do know for a fact exists and it is one experienced by millions of people on a regular basis from civilians caught in war zones to people with severe physical or mental disabilities that require 24-hour care to people suffering from chronic debilitating pain to impoverished children living in slums without access to drinking water to oppressed people living under brutal dictatorships to victims of sexual violence. Yes, all those people I mentioned and more experience hell on a regular basis and I still firmly believe that it is our duty to fight for them. That has not changed after I left the ministry. The difference being my former Calvinist colleagues believe their God is up there on a high celestial throne, micromanaging and controlling and dictating every last particle of existence from getting a job, losing a job, saving a life, taking a life, what clothes I wore, or what shoes I brought. I don't believe this God, who they say is all good, is decreeing not only the good and the inconsequential, but all the wicked, horrible things that happen out there in the world because all those things bring him glory. No, I believe they are either the result of human endeavor or natural disasters. It's our job to prepare and to care for victims of said disasters and it's our culpability if we neglect to care for the least among us."

"You don't believe it's the result of God punishing people for sin?"

"It could be. But I think it's mostly just nature and reality running their course. If I get hospitalized, it's because of three things- either my genetics or my environment or my own negligence of my own health. If you eat unhealthy foods, don't get sunlight, and are physically inactive, your body will fail you when you need it most. If you have unprotected sex, or even protected sex, you risk getting pregnant or getting your partner pregnant. If you spend more than you make, you will go broke. If you job hop and quit every time you don't like a job, employers will see you as unreliable and will not want to hire you. If you preach one thing and do another, people will rightfully call you a hypocrite. If you have a habit of lying, people will not believe you even if you are telling the truth. If trust is broken, you may never get it back. If you are sorry that you have offended and injured someone, you have to act like you mean it, make amends, and be grateful for any forgiveness offered. If you don't, the injured party is right to withhold forgiveness and to accuse you of insincerity. If you are afraid to do saying or doing what is right because of offending others, if you are of dishonest character, if you only desire a position because of the money and power it will bring you, then you have no business being in that position. In fact, if you are not disciplined over your own affairs, you have no right to be in any kind of decision-making capacity."

"And I agree with all that. But what do you now believe regarding the rationale for an eternal hell of torment and how hell has to be eternal because finite humans' sin against an infinite God who is infinitely Holy, good?"

"I'd ask for their definition of sin. If they answer that sin is anything that breaks the perfect law of God in word, thought, or deed and that all sins, no matter how small, are deserving of an infinite punishment? I will ask them if they believe Jesus died for their sins. If they say yes, I'll ask them why are they still in danger of hell after Jesus paid off all their sins. Why is it that Jesus, their savior who came to rescue his people from eternal hellfire, cannot actually rescue them until they repent and believe on him, and why even after they repent, they have to continue struggling not to sin? Why did his death not defeat sin, sanctify people, and restore fellowship between mankind and God? Why are Christians not sinlessly perfect? Why do they have to be converted and threatened with hell into believing if Jesus already secured their salvation? How is it possible for Jesus to die to pay a person's sins at the cross, yet for that same person to reject Jesus and go to hell? That would mean God is exacting double payment for the same sin. It would mean God is losing people he wanted to save. It would mean human free will is more powerful than God's saving grace. It would mean God would ultimately grieve and suffer more than any sinner in hell because he wanted to save them, but was frustrated. It would make the finite creature more powerful than his eternal and infinite creator."

"Or if they say that they believe Jesus only died for the elect, I'll ask them how a non-elect person, someone damned from the very start on account of original sin and whom God decreed not to save, can reject a savior who didn't come to save him? Why does this savior want his Gospel preached to millions of people whom he didn't shed a drop of blood for? Why does God get angry at the impenitence of people whom he was not going to save anyway?"

"Lastly, if salvation is by grace alone and by faith alone, why do we have so many Bible verses, both old and new testaments alike, contradicting those claims and stating that salvation is conditioned on obedience, repentance, good workmanship, commitment, and endurance? When people obeyed, God blesses. When they don't, God curses and eventually forsakes them. No one got saved just by saying he believes. In fact, a person who says he believes, yet shows otherwise in his actions, is condemned to greater punishment than an outright unbeliever. Why do Christians have to keep searching and judging themselves for any secret remaining traces of sin? What happens if they die without overcoming said sin? Will it take them to hell? Didn't Jesus pay for their sins? Why are they paying twice for a sin Jesus already died for? If a person, like myself who was in the ministry for 20 years and produced much fruit as evidence of his faith, falls away, does that mean I lost salvation or was I never saved to begin with? If I lost my salvation, that salvation was a fraudulent one that is entirely dependent on my effort and not what Jesus did on the cross. If I was never saved? I wasted decades of my life deceiving myself, your mother, you boys, my pastoral colleagues, my ministry, and my congregants into thinking I was one a born-again preacher of the Gospel."

"Damned if you do and damned if you don't, in other words." Kurt finished.

"Exactly. Thank you, son."

"But what if you did die today and found yourself sitting before God?"

"I was in the ministry for 20 years, preached to thousands of people, most of whom can confirm that I lived by what I said I believed. I was loyal to your mother and provided for you boys without taking a cent of government money. I fed the poor. I cared for the sick. I visited inmates in prison. I am confident all will turn out well. If not and I am shut out of Heaven's gates? Well, I tried my best. That is all I can do."