The End of the Tunnel

"Dead?!" David cried in disbelief, "what are you talking about? I'm not dead!" David frowned at the smartly dressed man in front of him. He had on a black, formal suit, complete with black tie and slicked back, jet-black hair. David couldn't remember ever seeing him before and now here he was, telling him that he was dead.
"Follow me..." the stranger beckoned to him.
"Sorry, I don't go around following crazies. I'm going home..." David looked around, dazed. The sky had suddenly turned dark. It was then that he realised that he was in fact in a rather long tunnel.
'Whoa! I must have been really smashed last night to end up here...'
"Where am I?" He clutched his head; it usually ached the day after he'd been on a drinking binge but it was strangely clear.
"Um," David called to the man, "do you know how to get out of here?"
"I told you before, follow me. I'll show you the way out."
"Okay man, but don't try anything funny. I'm not that way inclined."

Reluctantly, David trailed behind the man until eventually they reached a light at the end of the tunnel. David shielded his eyes with his arms.
"Damn, that's bright!" The man reached out, took David's hand and pulled him into the light.
"Hey! Get the hell off me, pervert!" Suddenly the light dimmed. David found himself in a large room, bustling with all different kinds of people. It looked very much like an airport; there were several 'check-in' desks, escalators and a lost property stand.
"Your check-in desk is number seven. Someone will be there to escort you to your next destination." The man silently handed David a light blue ticket and then walked away through some sliding glass doors that read 'no entry'. David stood alone amidst the crowd.
Jeez... I must have been really, REALLY smashed last night... David glanced at his ticket. It seemed to glow with an unearthly light. He ran his thumb across the bar-code on it. Weird... Seriously weird... What the heck did I get up to last night?!

David wandered over to the desk with the large number seven above it. Behind it was a middle-aged, hassled looking woman.
"Yes? Can I help you?" she snapped.
"Yeah... this guy sent me over here. Is this like a police station or a special FBI unit or something, 'cos if it is, I swear that it was Rob that nicked that car, not me."
"Do you have a ticket?" she sighed, irritated.
"Oh this?" David handed her the blue ticket. She scanned the bar-code through the computer like David had seen the women in the supermarket do.
"Cooper, David. Aged nineteen. Born 1st March, 1982." David stared at her, wide-eyed.
"How do you know that? What, are you a stalker or something? Why am I here? What is this place?" The woman peered down at him over her small spectacles.
"This is the check-in for lost souls - the souls that have not yet been allocated a destination. You are one of those souls. You are dead; killed in a car accident. It is through this gate where you will enter the next world," she replied, matter-of-factly.
"Wait a minute, I've seen things like this on 'The X-Files'. Is this some kind of strange, mental cult?! I am not frickin' dead!"

The woman yawned and gestured towards her computer screen. An image of David appeared. He was lying still in the middle of a road; a pool of thick red liquid surrounded his head. His friends, Rob and Ste were nearby. They looked shocked and scared.
A flash of a memory instantly shot through David's head.
There was a lorry. David was in Rob's car... There was a crash, David felt the impact... He hurtled forwards, through the windscreen... then hit the ground... and then he woke up in the tunnel with the man in the suit...

"I...I... I'm dead?"
"Finally! Now okay, we have a problem in that we are undecided abut whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. You see, in your life, you did an equal amount of good deeds as you did sinful acts."
"I'm dead..."
"Yeah, so you'll have to go and see our specialists. Then you will have the opportunity to make the decision yourself."
"Dead?"

David found himself following the woman in complete and utter shock. She led him up an escalator and towards another two desks. The first desk read 'HEAVEN', the second, 'HELL'. There was a well-dressed, tanned man sitting behind it, smoking a fat cigar. He stood up as David approached.
"Hi there, tiger. The name's Damian, agent 666," He grinned, flashing inhumanly white teeth. David stared at him, bewildered.
"So, you wanna go to Hell? Why not, that's a sensible choice! I know what you want to ask; what can Hell offer a man like you? Apart from the warm climate, it is surrounded by a gorgeous, sparkling sea of scarlet flames. Our package deal includes a wide range of fun activities such as hangman (and we don't mean the pen and paper game), knife throwing (where the aim is to hit the human target) and a favourite of the locals; donkey shooting or cow tipping, whatever takes your fancy. And, if you are extra bad, we'll even throw in two hours a day of torture. Book now and we will also give you one years supply of 'Devil's fudge cake'. Choose 'Sun, Sea, Sand and Satan Excursions' and you'll have the time of your life... ooops sorry, I mean DEATH!" Damian took a deep breath and flashed David another cheesy smile.
"Oh, no, no, no honey. You don't want to go there. Heaven is the only choice," David immediately turned his head in the direction of an angelic voice. The woman from behind the first desk stood up and flipped her long, shining blonde hair behind her shoulders. She was holding a fluffy pink clipboard with a fluffy pink pen attached to it.
"You are perfect for Heaven, darling. Remember that time when you jumped into the lake to save that poor drowning child? You were sooo brave..."
"It was just a pile of old clothes! I felt so dumb!" David protested.
"It was the thought that counted, sweetie," she smiled an irresistible smile. David felt light headed and woozy.
"Follow Celeste to Heaven and you won't be alone anymore..." She grasped his hand and kissed him gently on the cheek.
"Don't listen to her! She's just trying to tempt you. There are loads more feisty women in Hell. It's just a fun, 24/7 party place! Heaven is boring, full of nuns and prayer reading!" Damian grabbed David's arm.
"Let go, Celeste. You know he's coming with me."
"No way, Damian. He's mine!"
David could feel his head spinning. What is happening?

Damian and Celeste began to fight over him. It was like a tug of war.
"You can't bribe him with your fake deals and cake!" Celeste whined.
"And you can't bribe him with your short dress and silicon!" Damian yelled, almost hissing.
"How dare you!" Celeste yanked David's arm. David felt very dizzy. Uh... my head...

Suddenly, the light disappeared.
"I'm getting a pulse! Jerry, get over here!"
"He's breathing, oh my god, it's a miracle!"
"One, two, three..."

David could now distinctly see the woman who had been at check-in desk seven. She walked towards him out of the darkness, her small glasses still perched on the end of her nose.
"I'm afraid the computer made an error, you know how technology is... It's not your time. Goodbye for now, until we meet again..."

David felt a powerful jolt run through his body. His eyes opened with a start. A blur of familiar faces appeared before him.
"David, you're alive!" His mother was peering over him; tears stained her face. His friends were in the background, surprise on their faces. He slowly took in a deep breath. Life had never felt so good...