Little did Oliver know that Fiona was actually not a goddess but an oager just like in the movie shrek; her name was indeed Banjo Hotcakes dressed in a princess suit to hide her golden locks of chest hair. The direction of the story was never quite clear in "Fiona"'s mind however as "she" waited to read a delicious steamy description of some sex in an empty building, which a random author wrote ….

Fiona was a man. Oliver thought that was hot.

insert steamy gay sex scene

Scene edited out

I bet you're disappointed now

I feel bad now. Penis

At night… with no clothes and … some more ellipses…

(Man junk!) (I am a crude individual. Forgive me.)

With used condoms in the dirt next to the place… where the delicious steamy sex scene is…

(Safe sex, y'alls. I am teaching you morals and life lessons here.)

And the Fiona's appetite for a delicious steamy sex scene was appeased so she kicked the random author away from her with her foot connecting with it's butt.

Oh My God!

(I am so surprised if you reached this part in the story, I am surprised. Really, I couldn't do it. Mad props to you.)

Let me end this off with a really cliché sort of romance scene between Fiona, who is (not?) a man, and Oliver, who is probably a guy but then again, he does sort of act like a chick at times. A bitchy, really moody chick, but a chick regardless

Oliver looked into Fiona's eyes. Oh, how they were eyes into her soul that showed her emotions! Yet… what was the emotion written across her face? Was it… was it love? No, Oliver thought to himself, it couldn't be. She (or he. Whatever) could never fall for a wretch like me.

So Oliver tried to off himself. Don't worry, this will make her fall madly in love with him.

As Oliver lied on the ground, mourning for his nonexistent love with Fiona, she burst into the linen closet.

"Oh, Oliver!" Fiona cried as she stepped over some neatly folded towels. "What have you done, my love?"

"My… love…?" She loved me! Thought Oliver. "Oh, what have I done!"

Rose entered. "By God, you're dying. That blows." She stole his stereo, and then left.

Fiona cradled Oliver's oblong head. She caressed his tear-streaked cheek which shared similar characteristics with jelly. "Dear, dear, don't die on me."

"I love you, Fiona, I always have. We can make it! Together…"

"Oh, Oliver! I love you too!"

"I merely tried to bump myself off because I thought you did not feel the same way!"

"Oh, Oliver!"

And then they kissed. Their tongues battled for dominance inside their moist caverns. Eventually, they had to part for breath.

"So, shall we do the smexing?"

"Yes, I may still be bleeding profusely, but let us copulate upon the nearest bathroom floor!"

So they, you know, had wild monkey sex on the floor. Hot shit, my readers. Hot shit, indeed.

insert something about quivering manmeat and gasping. moaning maybe?

And they all lived happily ever after. Oliver had to have his arms amputated.

(The End)

Owari

El Finis

Das Ende

(I don't know how to say 'the end' in any more languages. Suck it.)