by Megan Auffart
I will only search for you inside a hollow head
Buried oh so subtly behind a fashioned curtain
Hide from all the light of day curled in your room
Speak of foreign wishes whispered softly in the gloom
Entomb your face inside of dirt and cover up the hole
Speak when you are finished and then maybe I will hear you
But make sure to cry quietly in case someone may know
But as to what secret you have to share, how can you really?
You want to scream you want to speak you want to cry and bellow
Tear yourself apart for words that you cannot distinguish
So hug your legs and rock away your dizzy spinning swirls
Running church bells clanging deep inside a panting mind
Scream! Speak! Cry! Retch! Die! Just get something out!
Cough! Screech! Choke! Talk! Pursue the hidden voice!
Snarl! Call! Yell! Gag! Shriek with pure disquiet!
Keeping yourself prison for the sake to hide yourself!
Claw at all your walls that you have built around a fortress
So what if you are starving parched at least you are protected
Despise yourself if you provoke a mutter in the darkness
Relinquish precious words, my love; they're drying all your tears
Churning, whirling wonders from a sacred dictionary
A thousand small inventions intoned in a desperate mind
That flutter in the darkness in the wind of seething boredom
Until they are put out again, a dead match in the night
I'll find you lying quiet staring sadly at the shadows
You'll beat you down, you'll scratch yourself, you'll pull yourself in two
You split apart your tongue in halves in case it ever functions
And pray for conversation loudly within every breath
Pile bricks up one by one and buttress them with wanting
Long to free yourself as you secure your every lock
Throw away the key and then question your intentions
Now you're trapped in silence. Oh. Oh well. At least it's safe.
I'll search for you inside your head while cowering in a molehill
Underneath the ground and buried, breathing in the sand
Sputtering out pleas for someone to humanely help you
Even as you dig deep down to get away from light
Event horizons happening that you cannot control
Backed into a corner counting spots behind your eyes
Close your lids and see them sparkling dumbly in the darkness
Maybe they will understand your quiet apprehension
Wishing someone recognized your dangerous calls for help
Spitting snarling noiselessly away from friendly fingers
Reaching out to guide you until you slice open their palm
I will mourn your every word that you have never uttered
I will cry for every time you never made a friend
I will sing a dirge of loss for every second rendered
Up unto the shadows that you keep for your companions
I will toss up ashes for all of your wordless wishes
I will scream and suffer for your every aching dream
I will pray for miracles that will help you to motion
To a kindly stranger with a talent for compassion
I will watch you lay yourself into an open coffin
Morgues are homes of solitude for those with time to think
I will bring a priest to say a service for your lifetime
Wasted in the shadows while your curtains remained closed
This is a dirge. This is a song of mourning to all those people who are afraid to make friends, to leave their rooms, to have any social contact whatsoever. This is my requiem to those people who bury themselves in timidity and refuse to leave the safety of their prisons. I only hope that in some way I can help.