5As I drove into the night, feeling more and more lonely as I went, I could only concentrate on one thing. My life up to this point had been all right but the real world had been sweeping over me for months now. The real world was using and abusing me. My boss, my family, and my friends all tossing their views into the mix to trip me up even more. My parents, all I could think about my parents was that they didn't trust me. All I wanted was a year, one year to take off until I went into the army to make it for myself. As soon as I got my diploma on the night of June 6, my birthday, my parents told me my gift would be the opportunity to stay at home only paying three hundred dollars a month in rent. So instead of getting at least the summer off I started working saving to go on backpacking trip and of course pay rent.
Life seemed fair for a while but soon my mind would change. Every day I went to work I felt like I was getting bent over and raped. I had to go in to keep my job but they didn't have to give me work. Some days I spent seven hours at work and got paid for a weak fifteen minutes. I needed to find something new. I really wanted to go away but I didn't have the money. All I wanted was to get away. All I wanted to do was escape.
Soon this desire grew so much so that I dreamt of death. I thought I would be happier dead than alive. Dead what do you have to worry about? Nothing, and nothing is what I wanted. The only thing I desired was to be free from my parents and the rules that I had to obey every time I woke in the morning. I picked up new habits, good habits and bad habits; I was reading all the time the voice in the book drowning out the voice of my parents. I thought a lot about being free.
One day it happened, I died, not physically but emotionally. I really liked a girl and when she talked to me I heard every word. - Don't you hate it when a guy likes you but you only like him as a friend. - The voice echoed in my head, the only voice I heard. I didn't want to hear but I did and I hung on to every word. I though about us then I thought about me. I thought about what mattered. ME. I mattered and I counted and why did you like me at all if not for a love of sorts. I felt betrayed but not by you by myself. It hurt those words hurt. I had to hear them, the damage was done and I gave up. The only thing I thought that would make me happy failed. Books weren't real and neither were you. I had lost my soul. For almost a year all I wanted was to save a life and get to keep you, but then you betrayed me and I died. No life saved, and nothing important lost. I died.