The next morning the dwarf woke up with a crick in his neck and his foot asleep. He made a silent vow to purchase a better hammock once he had the money, and stumbled around, getting the various parts of his outfit together, from the lair, and curiously enough, he found the right footed boot, while the left one was ne'er to be seen. He was used to such occurrences, though, and thought nothing of it at the time. He tripped over a box of wallpaper samples and lay on the cold concrete floor for a minute, thinking black thoughts about his employers. In a sudden and uncharacteristic move, he grabbed his ancient rotary telephone and called up the office. A faint voice at the end answered hesitantly, "Yes...?"

"Lookest thou in my direction! I truly am disgusted with the demeaning occupation with which you have placed me. I desire that I immediately terminate my contract with thou and thine, never to meet again. Dost thou comprehend me? Never again, as long as we both shall live: neither in sickness or in health; poverty nor wealth."

"Do you want to discuss your employment with the company?"

"Yea, how I walk in the valley of fools and bread crumbs! Yes!"

"Please hold." With a click the line went dead.

The tenacious dwarf called again, and this time, after paraphrasing the former conversation, he was graced with a loud clamor with vague screams and wailing to be heard faintly behind the clanging and banging of the percussion and drums. He supposed it was music. Occasionally an automatic voice would come on, blissfully cutting of the noise, and say how important his call was to the newspaper, and they would be with him shortly. After an hour and thirteen minutes, someone picked up on the other line.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

"Yes! I wish to express my resignation and donate to you my resignation."

"Oh, well, you have to go to Employee Management, then. This is Subscription Services"

"The with great celerity, by Mercury, connect me there!"

"Please hold." Another half hour went by, and the dwarf made another lunge at the rodent (he knew it was the same one, for it had a nick in its tail where he had clipped it once), but to no avail. He then began to think about all the other jobs he had held in the past...

He had first started a conventional job at a Beefchomper's Delight, cleaning out ovens and bathrooms. He had been promoted, after three years, to scooping Swedish potato slices and tossing beefchomps into the air above a stove. Finally, eight years later, he had been advanced to the clerkial position of handling the orders of patrons and their payment methods (Beefchomper's Delight makes it a franchise policy that no live chickens or geckos were to be allowed as legal tender).

He had finally quit. After all, he didn't like beef anyway (for a part of his life, his best friend had been Tiffany, a placid bovine, and that had rather colored his view of beef), and Swedish potato slices were worse. He had lived off of food stamps, which weren't very nutritious, and the kindness of a local soup kitchen for several years, and then landed a job at last working as an exterior waste disposal unit contents removal expert (garbage man). This he had done until he had realized that it wasn't very intellectually, spiritually, morally, physically, financially, socially, chemically or atomically fulfilling. He quit without notice and then started working with the newspaper company. He had been working for the newspaper five - no six years - or was it five?-


"I wish to sever all ties with you and your abominable corporation!"

" " Click.

The dwarf felt a cold and chilling feeling slowly creep over his body, and he methodically placed the telephone on the floor, removed the blunt ax from his belt, and raised it above his head. He let loose a mighty swing, and slammed the edge of the ax onto the telephone, utterly destroying it, and making a dent in the concrete in the process. He then cleaned up the mess (he dumped the telephone into a partly empty box nearby), put the blunt ax back into his belt, and then silently and purposefully walked to the office of the newspaper. He got the form and filled it out, walked back to his abode, and went to sleep.

He awoke. He prepared himself for the paper route as always, but this time he removed a large bag from on the of the boxed, and placed a fire cracker in each of his papers. As he came to each house, he lit the firecracker and placed the paper an the porch. At the cranky old lady's house (the one who always yelled at him and never paid him his money), he opened the door and placed the paper inside before lighting the firecracker. When he came to the old priest's home, however, he stopped and stood for a full five minutes in contemplation. The priest always paid his bill on time, and while he wasn't rich enough to give a tip (in fact, he was hovering on the edge of destitution), he never gave the dwarf any trouble. The dwarf finally removed the firecracker and approached the house as he usually did. After giving the man his paper, the dwarf finish the route and returned to his lair. He changed into a suit, and headed off to work. And thus the first day of the thirty ended, as far as we are concerned.