8I cried that night. That night when you told me. You said it and I ran away. I had no reply to give you. Nothing more to offer and nothing more to say to you. What could I say? I know what you expected me to say. I felt like I should say it, but I couldn't. A leaden weight had been tied to my tongue but my feet; my feet had wings, so I flew away.
I knew it was stupid to run from you then, and it's even more stupid to keep doing so now, but I can't help it. You leave messages on my phone. You ask, quite rightly for the answers you should have to all the questions you shouldn't, well, not in a perfect world anyway. But I don't have your answers, you shouldn't have the questions.
I was so scared. I still am. This is foreign ground. I haven't been here before, this minefield is alien to me and I don't know how to cross it. There's no boundary telling me where it stops, where the safe land begins. I wish you'd never brought me here.
I don't know what to say. Language wasn't meant for this situation. I wouldn't know how to say it even if it was. You know I don't believe in marriage. You know that I don't believe you can give and receive another person. You know I can't promise forever without knowing tomorrow. But you said it anyway. And you expected me to say it back. But I can't and now we have nothing left to say. I have nothing left to give you. We have nothing left to share. It's come to a dead end, and it can't be reversed. Oh how I wish you'd never said, 'I love you.'