to all the married men i adore

collectively you might love me more than than anyone else ever will but individually you would never choose me over your wives. your wives are precious to you because they love you but do you understand that they are the precice reason that i can never tell you that i love you? no matter how much i wish something tragic and forgiving would happen, it never will and you will never be attracted to me like i wish you were. i will just be stuck loving you and hoping i find someone as wonderful as you. and i always will, and they will be just as wonderful or more, and they will have a wonderful wife that i grow to love too much to hate, a wife that also likes early punk, a wife that also likes chocalate chip cookie dough ice cream, a wife that also watches trading spaces everyday, a wife that also plays guitar, a wife that also reads tolkien. in essense, you already married part of me, and you like to talk to me because i remind you of your wife. but what does it mean when you continually tell me, "yeah! i know! i've never met anybody else who thought that." what does that mean? does that mean that you wish your wife had the same attribute as i do? yeah? or does it mean that you wish you had met me first? what would've happened if you had met me first? what would happen if she died? what would happen if she cheated on you? what would you do then huh?

maybe it's not healthy for me to love you. maybe it's not even good for us to talk. but i know i enjoy the time we talk, the time we subtly flirt and i wish that you weren't married and then cry later because i'm glad your wives are lucky enough to have you. they won. they got you and i got jack. jack squat. and i sure as hell don't want him.