Rated: T, English, Humor & Humor, Words: 1k+, Favs: 7, Published: 1/22/2002
ALASKA A law in Faibanks, Alaska, does not allow moose to have sex on city streets. ARKANSAS A man can legally beat his wife, but no more than once a month. CALIFORNIA In L.A., a man may legally beat his wife with a leather strap, as long as it is less than 2 inches wide, or she gives him permission to use a wider strap. It is a misdemeanor to shoot any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. According to Section 288a.f.1 of the California Penal Code, the penalty for oral sex in California is up to 8 years in jail, whether you are married or not, provided that one of the two people involved is asleep. Also 8 years for using a dildo. (section 289). In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit. FLORIDA In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons. GEORGIA In Quitman, it is illegal for a chicken to cross the road. In Columbus, it is illegal to sit on one's porch in an indecent position. IDAHO If a police officer in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, suspects a couple is having sex inside a vehicle they must honk their horn three times, and wait two minutes before being allowed to approach the scene. ILLINOIS In Chicago, it is illegal to take a french poodle to the Opera. According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American." In Joliet, it is illegal to mispronounce the name Joliet. Women must address bachelors as master instead of mister, according to an Illinois state law. A law in Oblong, Illinois makes it a crime to make love while fishing or hunting on your wedding day. INDIANA Monkey's are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend. IOWA In Ames Iowa a husband may not take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife. KENTUCKY Kentucky Law, It is illegal to carry an ice-cream cone inside your pocket. MASSACHUSETTS It is illegal to wear a goatee without a license. North Andover prohibits its citizens from carrying "space guns." In 1659, the state outlawed Christmas. MICHIGAN A state law stipulates that a woman's hair legally belongs to her husband. Under state law, dentists are officially classified as "mechanics." In Clawson, it is legal for a man to "sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens." MINNESOTA It is illegal to tease skunks. Every man in Brainerd is required by law to grow a beard. A law in Alexandria, Minnesota makes it illegal for a husband to make love to his wife if his breath smells like garlic, onions, or sardines. MONTANA In Whitehall, it is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels. It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail. A Helena, Montana law states that a woman cannot dance on a saloon table unless her clothing weights more than three pounds, two ounces. In Bozeman, Montana, you can't perform any sexual acts in the front yard of any home, after sundown, and if you are nude. NEBRASKA If a child burps during a church service in Omaha, his or her parents may be arrested. It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license. Hotel owners in Hastings, Nebraska are required by law to provide a clean, white cotton nightshirt to each guest. According to the law, no couple may have sex unless they are wearing the nightshirts. NEVADA In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal. NEW JERSEY Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law. NEW MEXICO During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico, no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains. NEW YORK In Saten Island, it is illegal for a father to call his son a faggot or queer in an effort to curb girlie behavior. In NYC, "it is disorderly conduct for one man to greet another on the street by placing the end of his thumb against the tip of his nose and wiggling the extended fingers of that hand." NORTH CAROLINA It is illegal to have sex in a churchyard. It is illegal to make love on the floor of a hotel room between two double beds. OHIO In Columbus, it is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday. In Oxford, it is illegal for a woman to disrobe in front of a man's picture. In Youngstown, it is illegal to run out of gas. In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes. OKLAHOMA Whale hunting is strictly forbidden. People who make "ugly faces" at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. Clinton, Oklahoma, has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car. OREGON The town of Hood River prohibits the act of juggling without a license. In Willowdale, Oregon, no man may curse while having sex with his wife. PENNSYLVANIA "Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes." In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth. RHODE ISLAND Its illegal to throw pickle juice on a trolley. Rhode Island has a law making oral and anal sex illegal, under ANY circumstances. SOUTH DAKOTA Hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, are required by law to furnish their rooms with twin beds only. There should be a minimum of two feet between the beds, and it is illegal for a couple to make love on the floor between the beds. TENNESSEE It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. In Dyersburg, it is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date. In Memphis, it's against the law for a woman to be driving a car, unless there is a man walking or running in front of the car, waving a red flag to warn oncoming cars and pedestrians. TEXAS The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned because it contains a formula for making beer at home. It is illegal to milk another person's cow. In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property. UTAH A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife in his presence. A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment. VERMONT It is illegal to deny the existence of God. It is illegal to whistle underwater. Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. VIRGINIA In Richmond, it is illegal to flip a coin in any eating establishment to determine who buys a cup of coffee. In Lebanon, it is illegal to kick your wife out of bed. No woman may go in public without wearing a corset in Norfolk, Virginia. WASHINGTON In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (including the wedding night) WASHINGTON D.C. The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal. WISCONSIN In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot of a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm. ENGLAND This English law isn't too stupid (depending which side of the border you come from!), but in Chester (Cheshire, England, UK) it is legal still to shoot, with a crossbow, any Welsh person inside the City walls after 11pm. Contributed by Mike Sworld. Thanks! In Liverpool there is a law making it illegal for a man to dress or undress a department store female mannequin, if children are present. Also, it is against the law for children to look under a mannequin's dress. In Birmingham it is against the law to have sex "on the steps of any church after the sun goes down." The law is not clear whether it is legal to engage in sexual activities before the sun goes down. In England, stores cannot sell Bibles on Sunday, but they are allowed to sell pornographic magazines. ICELAND It's against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland.