Author's Note: Alas, this is a true story. All of the following has actually occurred and has not been embellished in the least. (A couple words might have change—I apologize, I do not have the auditory equivalent of a photographic memory.) In order to protect the identities of those involved, I will only use the author's name on fanfic.
It was New Year's Eve and I had the lamentable task of cleaning out the refrigerator. On the best of days, I hated to clean out the refrigerator, and it wasn't exactly the best of days. It wasn't a bad day, either, but I was the only one working while my mother was off gallivanting around and my sister, Guo-Xing, was typing on the computer and holding a monosyllabic conversation with her friend Star at the same time. Funness. My mother had claimed it would only take an hour or so for me to do. Sureeeeeeeeeeee. Right. I was going on two and half hours and relief was no where in sight.
As I somewhat sullenly reached into the top shelf of the refrigerator after replacing the little dairy\meat shelf, I noticed encrusted goo in the far back.
"Gross!" I exclaimed sarcastically, grabbing a yogurt container and attempting to tug it off the bottom of the shelf. It came up with a disturbing noise with was a hybrid of a tearing sound and a slurping sound. "Oh, now, that's seriously messed up," I groaned.
I pulled the rest of the crap off the first shelf and cleaned them off before placing them on the stove. Then I spotted it. Lo and behold, in the far back of the top shelf, lay the culprit. It was a small cup that appeared to be tipped over. I picked it up at a downward slanting angle, thinking it to be empty. To my surprise, there was still something in it. A chunk of something partially white slid down and touched my fingers. I screamed.
"Hey Serri!" Guo-Xing shouted. "Did something eat you?" Star asked her something that I could not hear. "Naw," Guo-Xing replied. "She's cleanin' out the refrigerator and I think somethin' ate her."
I wished something had eaten me. It would have been less disgusting. What had actually touched my hand was a chunk of solidified milk. And when I say solidified, I mean solidified. I don't mean the half curdled stuff you find if you leave a glass of milk on the dresser too long, I mean the crystallized I-think-this-new-substance-is-harder-than-diamond, hard. Grody, to say the least.
"Freakin' nasty!" I think were the words to actually escape my lips. I abruptly stood up, getting off the stool I had been sitting on and decided to torment my sister. I slipped on a small puddle of water and nearly slammed headfirst into the kitchen door, but I finally pushed it open, holding the plastic cup of solidified milk.
"Hey, Guo-Xing, wanna see?" I asked, letting a maniacal gleam enter my eyes. "Here, it's solidified milk! Bet you don't see this everyday!" I tipped the cup over so she could see what was on it, and began advancing toward her.
"Don't you touch me with that!" Guo-Xing yelled in protest, her voice an octave higher than it was normally. Guo-Xing let out various protests and semi-obscene names before dissolving into a total girly scream.
I could just hear Star asking what was going on. Guo-Xing started to explain, but I snatched the phone away from her.
"You really wanna know, Star?" I asked evilly. "You see, I was cleanin' out the fridge and I happened upon encrusted goop. Then I found this hunk of milk in a cup that been frickin' crystallized." I continued to explain to her, in graphic detail, of the exact texture, smell, and possible flavor of the milk. When Star started screaming as well (admittedly, it's easier to make Star scream than it is to make Guo-Xing scream), I knew my work was done, and I handed the phone back to Guo-Xing who was giving me a wary and distrusting look.
I went back into the kitchen and finished cleaning out the refrigerator. I put the cup of milk on the floor. About another hour later, my mother came in and asked why I wasn't done yet. I explained the grossness of it all, and was about to show to her about the milk trauma, but . . . it was gone. The cup was still there, but the milk was gone. Dredging up a years-long excuse that I had never used before, but now thought sincerely to be the truth, I said:
"I think the dog ate it."
AN: Come on, was that gross at all? It if was, tell me!
More Chapters to Come!